TODAY'S POLITICAL RANT

from the world's least dangerous man

I hear Dick Armey and Bob Barr, once regarded as charter members of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy, have signed on to work for the ACLU.

Let's stop for a moment so that the heads of Democrats can officially explode.

Seriously, Terry McAulliffe and his minions must feel like the Grinch just stole everything from them. First, they get beaten in the fall elections, losing control of the Senate, despite all of Barbra Streisand's best efforts (Babs penned a new rendition of "The Way We Were" for crying out loud... how could they lose?). Next, the party apparently loses its collective mind by electing Nancy Pelosi to succeed Dick Gephardt as the House Minority Leader, ensuring that the party reacts to a stinging rebuke from mainstream Americans by putting forth a California liberal as the face of the party (that should win back those Georgia Senate seats). Tom Daschle suffers a meltdown of sorts, blaming Rush Limbaugh for calling him names like "obstructionist" (them's fighting words in South Dakota!). Most horrifying of all, Al Gore returns from the dead, doing a book tour and providing us with the holiday season's greatest gift... no, not his book, but his stint hosting Saturday Night Live next month.

And now, this. The ACLU is an organization dedicated to the Bill of Rights... well, maybe just the ones that play well with the New York Times. Traditionally, the ACLU is front and center standing up for the rights of pornographers and child molesters... but utters nary a peep for hunters required to register their guns.

Hey, I'm not saying their wrong to stand up and defend the rights of people, even in the most insane circumstances. In order to safeguard the protections we have under the Bill of Rights, it's necessary to allow things to be said or done that we don't like. We may not like seeing smut get published, or watching the Klan march through our town, or hearing Barbra Streisand sing. But it's all part and parcel of living in a country that guarantees each person the right to speak freely.

But the ACLU has generally spent much of its time focusing on causes most people identify as liberal, such as the need for Internet porn in public libraries. Hiring Republicans to work at the ACLU isn't revolutionary; by definition, this is an organization that should aim toward libertarian values, rather than liberal or conservative ones. Still, there's a difference between hiring Republicans and hiring conservatives like Bob Barr. Barr beat most folks to the punch by calling for Bill Clinton's impeachment before anyone knew about Monica's late-night pizza deliveries. Barr makes liberals shake with anger, sort of like the Skipper anytime Gilligan screws up.

But Barr has worked with the ACLU for years, on causes related to the preservation of individual rights against the intrusion of the government, especially as it warrants to the Fourth Amendment. So this isn't all that shocking. And it's a smart move by the ACLU, which recognizes that the doors to power in the capitol are now opened by the GOP, and there's nothing Jumping Jim Jeffords can do to change it. If the ACLU wants face time with GOP power brokers, they're going to need to bring forth a person who's earned the respect of Republicans. It's easy to do that with Bob Barr and Dick Armey.

Still, it's refreshing to see that the ACLU might return its focus to being an equal-opportunity offender, a group that will annoy conservatives and liberals alike. Then again, liberals are offended by just about anything nowadays. Just ask Tom Daschle. Better yet, don't.

But that's just my least dangerous opinion...