Merry Christmas! or not...

The always enjoyable James Lileks has the following piece in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, which had me falling out of my chair...

Maybe it's just me. Perhaps I'm overly sensitive. But when I wish a store clerk "Merry Christmas!" they often appear stunned and flummoxed for a moment, as if I've just blabbed the plans for the underground's sabotage of the train tracks in front of the secret police. I've said something highly inappropriate for the public square, and I almost expect a security guard to take me aside on the way out. He'll lead me to a small room. He has no enthusiasm for this; it's the end of his shift, and he's done this a dozen times already today. But policy is policy.

Sir, you realize that the store does not use the, um, ah, C word. We have nothing against it, of course, and wish you a merry (cough)mas, as well. But when you say that to a store employee, it puts them in a difficult position.

"You mean that position where they have to smile while wondering if they're going to be disciplined for saying the wrong thing?"

That's the one, yes. I hope you understand that we have a long-standing relationship with the (cough)mas holiday --

"Like the relationship between a sucker fish and a whale? Only the fish isn't really interested in whether the whale exists or not, only that it doesn't fall off and die."

Sucker fish, remora, intestinal parasite -- we don't have an approved aquatic metaphor for the relationship. But that's not the point. We prefer the term "festive season."

Which is a euphemism for Christmas, of course.

Yes. And "Happy Euphemism" is acceptable on store property. You must understand that this is not about Christmas, but about the holiday season, which encompasses many beliefs.

Hence the trees, the lights, the berries, the Santa costumes, the Nutcracker statues, the Nat King Cole music on the speakers, the poinsettias, and other symbols of Hinduism. Come on! It's Christmas!

(Hat tip: Instapundit)

It's worth reading in full, as usual with Lileks.