This Might Help Explain the Declining Birthrates

I'm not sure if I can come with a good opening for this one...

Organizers of a major erotic festival are closing for business in Manchester due to a lack of interest, which they blame on recalcitrant northern English men.

Erotica Manchester opened on Friday, selling a range of sex aids, clothing and footwear, but ticket sales have been poor and organizers say they will not be coming back.

"We've tried to warm this city up for more than two years but northerners just haven't responded in sufficient numbers," said event director Savvas Christodoulou.

"They are happy enough to come to our London event in the autumn but they seem embarrassed about being seen at Erotica Manchester."

Organizers said their research shows northern women wanted to attend the three-day adult show but were "under the thumb of their other halves."

Look, I'm only engaged, not married. But even I know that if women wanted to attend a sex festival, they would be dragging their reluctant husbands along.

I've got a suggestion for these guys -- just set up shop on the nearest college campus for a week, preferably near fraternity row (or its English equivalent). I'm guessing sales will set records.