The NBA -- It's FAN-tastic!

This story neatly encapsulates everything that's problematic for the NBA...

Clippers play-by-play man Ralph Lawler and color analyst Michael Smith met with Grizzlies center Hamed Haddadi(notes) before Sunday’s game at Staples Center, where they expressed regret for an incident that earned the TV broadcasters a one-game suspension.

It was the first meeting between the teams since Lawler’s and Smith’s off-the-cuff remarks about the Iranian-born center during the final minutes of the Clippers’ 106-91 loss at Memphis on Nov. 18. One offended viewer sent an e-mail to the Fox Sports Prime Ticket network.

...The transcript of the conversation between Lawler and Smith, which occurred late in the Grizzlies game, was printed on the Los Angeles Times’ Web site:

Smith: “Look who’s in.”

Lawler: “Hamed Haddadi. Where’s he from?”

Smith: “He’s the first Iranian to play in the NBA.” (Smith pronounced Iranian as “Eye-ranian,” a pronunciation that offended a viewer who complained.)

Lawler: “There aren’t any Iranian players in the NBA,” repeating Smith’s mispronunciation.

Smith: “He’s the only one.”

Lawler: “He’s from Iran?”

Smith: “I guess so.”

Lawler: “That Iran?”

Smith: “Yes.”

Lawler: “The real Iran?”

Smith: “Yes.”

Lawler: “Wow. Haddadi that’s H-A-D-D-A-D-I.”

Smith: “You’re sure it’s not Borat’s older brother?”

Smith: “If they ever make a movie about Haddadi, I’m going to get Sacha Baron Cohen to play the part.”

Lawler: “Here’s Haddadi. Nice little back-door pass. I guess those Iranians can pass the ball.”

Smith: “Especially the post players.

Lawler: “I don’t know about their guards.”

My thoughts, in no particular order:

1. That's offensive? Having played a fair amount of ball, and watched a fair amount of pro ball, I can attest to hearing 20 more offensive things in one-half of a game. Yes, announcers aren't players, but ye gads.

2. I'll pretend to be a casual sports fan for a moment. Who the hell are the Memphis Grizzlies?

3. I'll pretend to be an even more casual sports fan for a moment. What the hell are the Los Angeles Clippers?

4. As a dedicated sports fan, I'm surprised to learn that there's an Iranian-born player in the NBA. That's really pretty cool. But why hasn't this made more news? Okay, the guy's a backup center for a team no one pays attention to, and he only averages about 2 points per game. I get that, but the NBA's marketing arm seems to have fallen down. For all I know, some fellow Indian has beaten me to the NBA and crushed my lifelong dream, only he's toiling for the Minnesota Timberwolves, so I've never heard of him.

5. Seriously, getting back to the names... the NBA, as a league, has the worst names in sports, mostly because of team moves. The Memphis Grizzlies moved from Vancouver, where a Grizzly might have been more appropriate, but I don't think it's that awful -- not like the Los Angeles Lakers, Utah Jazz, or New Orleans Hornets. And this is before I get to the NBA's penchant for idiotic names -- Washington Wizards (what do wizards have to do with D.C., unless we're referring to Robert Byrd's past as a Klansman?), Orlando Magic (ugh), and Miami Heat (double ugh).

6. Are the players great in the league? Probably. Are they better than college players? Certainly. Do I care? Not really, not when an 82 game regular season's biggest stories are whether the Nets might go 0-82 and this fake kerfuffle about an Iranian born center.