THE NFL WEEK 12 RECAP

from the desk of the world's least dangerous sports reporter

One more weird week in the NFL, with fantastic finishes, post-game brouhahas and one more prime-time loss by the Denver Broncos.

We start with the Broncos this week, simply because they seem to really hate working at night.  The Broncos are 7-0 this season when their games begin at 4:15 P.M. EST or earlier... and 0-4 when games are played later.  The Broncos' latest misfire took place late Sunday at home, in the midst of a driving blizzard. The Colts' Mike Vaderjagt booted two 50+ yard field goals, including the overtime gamewinner.  On the flip side, we have the prime time champs, the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles and 49ers squared off in a matchup of first-place teams, but the Eagles came in with Koy Detmer at QB; by the end of the game, the Birds were down to third-stringer A.J. Feeley. They still whipped the 49ers, 38-17. The Eagles are now the mirror image of the Broncos in prime time, sporting a 4-0 mark in games starting later than 4:15 EST.

The Super Bowl, by the way, traditionally starts at 6:18 P.M. EST.

If the Broncos can't represent the AFC, maybe the Raiders will, as Oakland stomped to a 41-20 victory over Arizona.  Then again, the Raiders' average age is approximately 474.6 years old (Jerry Rice is actually in the Book of Genesis), so perhaps they will be sent back to their nursing home before then.  In that case, maybe Miami will take over the reins; the Dolphins annihilated the Chargers 30-3 on Sunday, serving notice on the rest of the AFC contenders by blowing out the AFC West co-leaders. 

The Dophins pulled off this feat behind backup QB Ray Lucas, who may have stolen Brett Favre's mojo.  After looking more like a backup singer than a backup QB in his first three games, Lucas has now played well two consecutive weeks; in the same two weeks, Brett Favre has thrown seven interceptions, which is three more than he threw in the first nine games of the year.  Four of those seven picks came courtesy of Tampa Bay, which handed the Pack a 21-7 loss Sunday, thereby seizing the bragging rights to the NFL's best record at 9-2.  Of course, maybe this isn't a good thing, since every team that has seized the best record in the league this season has promptly lost its next two games (or so it seems).  As if to make sure the football Gods will bring down Tampa as well, Bucs DT Warren Sapp engaged in an obscenity-laced tirade against Packers coach Mike Sherman following the game.  The Bucs play New Orleans and Atlanta the next two weeks.  The Gods await.

The Gods have an additional gift for all of us on Thanksgiving.  Thanks to the Redskins' 20-17 win over the Rams, we will get another Danny Wuerffel start, this time on Thanksgiving Day in Dallas.  Please insert your turkey joke here.  Seriously, Wuerffel played well, a sentance we never believed we'd type.  Then again, Wuerffel hasn't played well since the 1997 Sugar Bowl (our favorite stat from Sunday: at halftime, when Wuerffel had 140 yards passing, he'd already set a career mark for most yards passing in a game).  The Rams saw their five-game winning streak stuffed, as All-World QB Kurt Warner returned just in time for another Rams loss.  In games started by Warner this season, his team is 0-5; in games started by other QBs, the team is 5-1.  Of course, in games started by Danny Wuerffel this season, the Redskins are 2-0.  In addition, we'd like to point out that Fox announcers Dick Stockton and Daryl Johnston openly wondered why Wuerffel wears a glove, when "it's not even that cold outside."  Haven't we repeatedly told everyone why he does this?  It's an homage to Danny's currently embattled childhood hero, Michael Jackson. 

The Skins and Cowboys will both enter the Thanksgiving matchup coming off wins, which is further proof that gambling on the NFL is a bad idea (for further proof, please see Pete Rose's bank account).  Dallas stopped Jacksonville 21-19 to start a weird day in Texas, which was topped by the Giants' 16-14 loss in Houston later that day; in a strange quirk of fate, this meant the only three teams the Texans have ever beaten (Jacksonville, Dallas and now the Giants) were all in the state of Texas Sunday.  We're not sure what it means, although Oliver Stone is looking into it.

Maybe Oliver can exhume Jim Garrison, or summon up his ghost, in order to explain how the formerly scoring-happy Saints got whipped at home by Cleveland 24-15.  The drunken Ohio State fans who attempted to burn down Columbus Saturday promptly stumbled east to Cleveland to set it on fire, but realized this would be a civic improvement and left it alone. 

The fans thought about heading to Cincinnati, but then thought better, since the Bengals never win.  Pittsburgh added another loss to Cincy's resume; the Bengals have already picked up their league-mandated one win and were lucky to cover the spread.  Thanks for participating in the 2002 season, guys; there's some lovely parting gifts available on your way out.  The same message can be sent to the Carolina Panthers, who got hammered 41-0 yesterday by Atlanta, which beat the Panthers 30-0 earlier in the year.  That may be some sort of record, but no one's really sure if the Panthers are an NFL team or not, so no one's checking.

The same might be said for the Detroit Lions and Chicago Bears, who squared off in another OT game yesterday, which fascinated all 12 people who watched it.  The most boneheaded move of the week (which is saying something, since Memphis volunteered to host another Mike Tyson fight this week) goes to Lions coach Marty Morhningweg, who won the OT coin toss and elected to kick-off.  In case you're not aware (and maybe Marty isn't), overtime in the NFL is sudden death, so if a team kicks off, there's no requirement that they receive the ball back.  Trying to square that with the Lions' strategy is like trying to decipher a Bob Dylan song nowadays.  The Lions may still be punch-drunk after getting whipped by the Jets last week; this bodes ill for Buffalo, which got spanked 31-13 by the Jets this week. The Bills now drop into last-place in the confusing AFC East, where Miami holds a game lead over the Jets and Patriots, who won a surprisingly close game over Minnesota, 24-17. The spread, for those of you interested, was 7.5 points, which is further proof that Las Vegas fixes the ball games and you should not gamble on them. We'd mention something about the game, but we're sure no one is actually reading this paragraph.

We'd also tell you something about Seattle's high-scoring upset of Kansas City, but we don't really care.  And finally, we have the Titans, owners of a five-game winning streak, getting stopped in Baltimore yesterday 13-12, which dropped them a game back of Indianapolis in the AFC South race.  The Titans' last loss took place to the Skins, who started Danny Wuerrfel in that game, too.  It all comes back to Wuerffel, folks.