The NFL Recap, Week Nine

I do these at work as part of my duties as Sports Czar, so why not share with the greater public?

I promised the midseason review last week. But I didn't mention that it would be in... HAIKU!

Like most men, when incredibly busy, I resort to bad initiations of classic Japanese poetry. It was either that or let John Kerry write the recap, and as we all know, he's drinking away the pain. Besides, I can't really make fun of the Redskins after they win... as much. I mean, it's not like the Skins longest pass completion came courtesy of their running back throwing the ball... well, it was, but that doesn't mean their quarterback stinks. There's plenty of other ways to prove their quarterback stinks.

So let's get on with the show...

Philadelphia Eagles (7-1)

Seven wins, one loss
On track for the Super Bowl
No one will stop them.

New York Giants (5-3)

They hate Coach Coughlin
But winning cures most problems
But not injuries.

Dallas Cowboys (3-5)

Parcells is angry
Tells his team they are stupid
We always thought so.

Washington Redskins (3-5)

Gibbs will win it all!
We are certain that he will!
In three or four years.

Minnesota Vikings (5-3)

Culpepper on fire
But these guys always fall short
They will choke again.

Detroit Lions (4-4)

The Lions, winning?
Even Detroit is in shock
Still, forget playoffs.

Green Bay Packers (4-4)

Team starts 1 and 4
But did you ever doubt them?
Favre and Green key Pack.

Chicago Bears (3-5)

Three wins? For this team?
Krenzel and Quinn at QB?
Is that a law firm?

Atlanta Falcons (6-2)

Vick not playing well
But his team keeps winning games
Watch out, NFC.

New Orleans Saints (3-5)

Does anyone care?
Saints underwhelm every year.
Same story again.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-5)

Gruden's found a QB
In Brian Griese he trusts
Broncos think, "Ha-ha!"

Seattle Seahawks (5-3)

Trendy pick to win
But careless mistakes by stars
Will doom playoff run.

St. Louis Rams (4-4)

Ugh. Martz still coaching.
And getting out-coached each game
Rams fans must hate him.

Arizona Cardinals (3-5)

Denny Green will win
Even in Arizona
And with Josh McCown.

San Francisco 49ers (1-7)

They are so awful
They don't deserve a haiku
Even a lousy one.

New England Patriots (7-1)

Twenty-one straight wins
Ends with a thud in Pittsburgh.
So they start new streak.

New York Jets (6-2)

Great start for gang green
But Pennington is now hurt
Bring back Joe Namath!

Buffalo Bills (3-5)

Better than you think
This team may surprise its fans
With strong second half.

Miami Dolphins (1-8)

Wannstedt is now gone
Ricky Williams smoking pot
Go see Shaq and Heat.

Pittsburgh Steelers (7-1)
Ben Roethlisberger
Red-hot rookie leads the way
For the league's best team.

Baltimore Ravens (5-3)
Ray Lewis got mocked
Jamal Lewis suspended
Billick still a jerk.

Cincinnati Bengals (3-5)

Three wins pretty good
For perennial losers
But coach wants to win.

Cleveland Browns (3-5)
Dog pound is still sad
Since they are Browns fans, but also
They live in Cleveland.

Indianapolis Colts (5-3)
This team is too good
To have three losses -- must be
The fault of defense.

Jacksonville Jaguars (5-3)

Some last second wins
Put them in first place early
They won't stay there.

Houston Texans (4-4)

Underrated Texans
Will challenge for the playoffs
And scare AFC.

Tennessee Titans (3-5)

Injuries killed them
MVP McNair goes down
And team goes with him.

Denver Broncos (6-3)

Ruben Droughns? Who's that?
New star running back saves team
From Plummer's mistakes.

San Diego Chargers (6-3)

Powder blue unis
And Martyball lead the way
Philip Rivers who?

Kansas City Chiefs (3-5)
Huge disappointment
For preseason contender
Lousy defense kills.

Oakland Raiders (3-6)

Silver and Black stink
Even more than smelly fans
Hey, just lose, baby.