Rules For Chick Flicks

Bill Simmons reviews the atrocious-looking movie "Fever Pitch" and declares it a chick flick, and then reveals the 10 generic themes of any chick flick. This is a terrific list -- check out these excerpts...

1. You can't meet the man of your dreams in a bar or at a party. It only happens either if he randomly shows up in your office, if he made some sort of bet about you, if he saved your life or if you happen to be impersonating someone else at the time.

...4. If you're dating someone who is passionate about something, he will absolutely give that up for you because all men change once they fall in love. Especially if you have a nice apartment.

5. You can have only three friends: A smart friend who's pretty in a quirky way, a calculating beauty who's morally corrupt and an overweight girl who doesn't say much. You can only hang out with these people all at once. If there's anyone in your life who doesn't fit one of those three categories, get rid of them.

6. Your boyfriend's friends only get in the way. The sooner you can destroy them, the better.

...10. Either you will end up living happily ever after, or you will find a deep friendship with a gay man that will end up being just as satisfying.

Just reading that list made my eyes glaze over. I better go home and watch The Godfather.