The Scurvy Dogs Ere Be Defeated

I don't usually do an update on student body elections at North Carolina State University, but this kind of news is worthy of consideration. Maybe this guy should run for Congress as well...

Amidst raucous cheers and hearty applause from the audience, Elections Commission Chair Bonnie Pierson announced results for the 2005 Spring General Elections Wednesday night on Harris Field.

Although none of the four candidates vying for the position of student body president received the majority vote required, candidates Will Quick and The Pirate Captain rose above the fray and will go head to head in a runoff election next week.

Forrest Hinton and Tommy Ozbolt will also face off next week in runoffs, with Ozbolt leaving candidate John Small behind by a two percent margin.

This semester's election marked a record high in voter turnout, which totaled almost 27 percent of the student population, according to Pierson.

The fact was punctuated by the close to 150 students present at the announcement, several of whom where decked in anything from full pirate regalia to cardboard pirate hats obtained from the seafood chain Long John Silvers.

"I hear we got record turnout," the Captain said. "I bae nothing but impressed."

The Captain also said he was thrilled with the prospect of participating in the runoffs and inspired by the support.

"I couldn't bae happier," the Captain said. "The wind bae in our sails. It warms our souls and carries our boats."

Quick, who lost the popular vote to the Captain 44 to 21 percent, said that he felt good about the election results and was confident in his ability to come out on top next week.

"I felt from the beginning that I would be in the runoff, it was just a matter of who," Quick said. "Of course I'm disappointed that I didn't win, but the past is behind me and I'm focusing on the runoff."

Although he said he was "surprised that The Pirate Captain had received that much support," Quick said he never overlooked the possibilities of the candidate during his campaign.

"I wouldn't say that I over- or underestimated The Pirate Captain," Quick said. "[He] was a hard factor to predict."

Will Langley, visibly disappointed after his defeat, said that he felt the elections sparked student interest and motivated students to get out and vote.

"The Pirate Captain definitely got the student body involved," Langley said. "I hate that he had to make a mockery of the system to make it happen."

Langley said the students need the right person for the job, and that he hopes the Pirate Captain will realize that, if elected, the position of student body president is a "serious job."

In an emotional address to his campaign team late last night, candidate Lock Whiteside thanked those that he said made invaluable contributions to his quest for the position.

"I'll never forget this election," Whiteside said. "You all had my back, and I'll never forget that."

First of all, I'd like to declare my full support of the Pirate Captain. I doubt it would make much of a difference to the students at N.C. State if they elected a gerbil to the position.

Second, I love the names of the candidates in this election. Forrest Hinton and Lock Whiteside are names that will now be considered when I have a son.

Last, how come I never thought of this in college?