The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum former Presidential candidate:

There are times when the Ketchup King makes you laugh, even as you shudder about the thought that he almost won the Presidency.

As noted before, this is no longer a regular feature. Frankly, we hope it never is, because that might mean he's running again -- and outside of the humor of watching him windsurfing, we'd like to think our country can do better, even if we elect a Democrat.

Kerry apparently tried to put to rest the issue that's been dogging him for the past 100+ days -- why hasn't he released all his military records yet? But once again, he's still trying to flip-flop...

During an interview yesterday with Globe editorial writers and columnists, the former Democratic presidential nominee was asked if had signed Form SF 180, authorizing the Department of Defense to grant access to all his military records.

''I have signed it," Kerry said. Then, he added that his staff was ''still going through it" and ''very, very shortly, you will have a chance to see it."

The devil is usually in the details. With Kerry, it's also in the dodges and digressions. After the interview, Kerry's communications director, David Wade, was asked to clarify when Kerry signed SF 180 and when public access would be granted. Kerry drifted over to join the conversation, immediately raising the confusion level. He did not answer the question of when he signed the form or when the entire record will be made public.

Several e-mails later, Wade conveyed the following information: On Friday, May 20, Kerry obtained a copy of Form 180 and signed it. ''The next step is to send it to the Navy, which will happen in the next few days. The Navy will then send out the records," e-mailed Wade. Kerry first said he would sign Form 180 when pressed by Tim Russert during a Jan. 30 appearance on ''Meet the Press."

Six months after Kerry's loss to George W. Bush, it feels somewhat gratuitous to point out how hard it can be to get a clear, straight answer from Kerry on this and other matters. But as long as the Massachusetts senator is thinking about another presidential run, the candor gap remains on the table, because he puts it there.

On one hand, he seems to have concluded that Democrats have a ''branding" problem, much like a company selling razor blades. The Democratic Party, said Kerry, needs ''a new brand. That's the challenge." For 25 years, he said, Democrats did not fight negative branding by their opponents. As a result, he said, Democrats are now labelled as ''tax, spend, weak, things like that."

...The twists and turns of the past campaign still elicit bursts of passionate analysis. He continues to attribute Bush's success to a combination of voter indifference to the truth and the Republicans' ability to leverage the ''fear factor."

Asked about the impact of religion, he said that he reread the New Testament since the election to make sure ''I didn't miss anything" and recalled that on the campaign trail ''I gave a very strong speech about values and how you measure these things." He believes he lost the ''soccer moms" and ''security moms" to the Osama bin Laden videotape, released the Friday before Election Day.

The campaign waged against him by the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth arouses Kerry's greatest passion. ''What they said was untrue," he said. He considered, but decided against, filing suit against the group, which alleged that he did not deserve his Vietnam military honors.

I don't know where to start.

Okay, let's start with Form-180. He's had nearly four months to sign it. There's a copy of the form right here. I've had credit card applications that were longer than this.

Second, his staff is looking through it right now? He signed the form on Friday, after nearly four months of waiting -- didn't they vet the accuracy of what he was putting on the form before that? What, do they need three days to look over the form for spelling errors? Hey, bucko, last I checked, the taxpayers are supporting your Senate staff. Can I get an accounting of the time they're wasting instructing the Senator on how to use a pen to properly sign the form?

Third, if it took him four months to sign, God only knows how long it will take for them to find a stamp. And an envelope. And who's going to drop it off at the Post Office?

Next, he takes time out to blame his loss on the fact that (a) the voters fell for scare tactics perpetrated by the GOP and assisted by Osama bin Laden, (b) the voters were indifferent, (c) the voters didn't listen to his speeches on values, and (d) the Democrats suffer from negative branding. Good thing none of it was his own fault. By the way, snide remarks about re-reading the New Testament to make sure he didn't miss anything are a good way to make certain that religious people think you're a phony.

Finally, there's the Swift Boat Vets. He considered filing a lawsuit, but decided not to do so. Maybe that's because discovery in the suit might have stalled while he tried to figure out how to sign that pesky Form-180.

It's a wonder Kerry won as many votes as he did. Maybe I should give John Edwards some credit.