A Hall of Famer in Every Way

As always, Bill Simmons cracks me up. His column on Rafael Palmeiro's 3,000th hit left me in stitches for this section...

Please note: I'm not accusing Palmeiro of anything. He was at the right place at the perfect time, just like Judd Nelson peaking when over-the-top performances in enjoyably cheesy movies were all the rage. Whether either guy needed drugs to complete the effect is beside the point. And while we're here, I support the career of any ballplayer with the kind of facial hair that could have inspired a line of overpowering colognes. Even before Raffy started to tout Viagra, I'd always pictured him on a leopard-skin sofa, wearing a monogrammed bathrobe and pouring glasses of port for two wide-eyed groupies as he asked, "Would you mind if I put on some Barry White?" That this guy was promoting a sexual-enhancement drug is too good. For this reason alone, he gets my Hall of Fame vote (and I don't even have one).

Palmeiro's Viagra ads are a highlight of modern television (not that we're saying much there). And let's face it -- the man's mustache is in the Hall of Fame of sports pornostaches, next to Rollie Fingers and Titans coach Jeff Fisher.

Now, there's a Hall of Fame debate worth having.