A Good Response

The artist formerly known as Sprout points us to this tremendous piece, which may be the best response available to some of the more inspid complaints about the camp at Guantanomo...

Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

...Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters, except sexually, since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him. He has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he considers appropriate, but I'm sure that over time the females in your household will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the Bhurka. Just remind them that it is all part of respecting his culture and his religious beliefs.

I'd laugh, but there are some folks who actually think the bigger problem is how we treat the detainees, rather than the detainees themselves and what they would do if released from captivity. Then again, they may not understand that this is a joke.