Nerd Games

Radioblogger's dead right about the kid who solved the Rubiks Cube in 11 seconds. His note says it all...

In San Francisco, a 20 year old Cal Tech student, go figure, set a new world record for solving the cube. Was it under a minute? Under 30 seconds? Under 15 seconds? Nope. Faster. This extra-terrestrial that is clearly here visiting from the planet Kucinich solved it in 11.13 seconds. It sometimes takes me 11 seconds to sneeze. It certainly takes me over 11 seconds to perform almost any bodily function.

It's impressive that Roger Bannister broke the four minute mile. It's cool that Roger Maris broke the single season home run record at 61. I got goose bumps when Mark McGwire, juiced or not, broke it again in '98, hitting 70. I even got a kick out of Bonds, very probably juiced, hitting 73 a couple of years ago. I like people breaking records. That's why you have records. But a sub-12 second Rubik cube isn't a record. It's sadly a medical condition for which there is no cure.

Leyan Lo gets his name in the record books for now. And someday, he'll pay any amount of money for people to not bring it up. My buddy Frank Pastore, mediocre Cincinatti Reds pitcher extraordinaire, made eating a side of beef in Texas in four minutes, or something like that, into a record he was proud of for about a month or so, until he realized that that burning sensation in his chest wasn't heartburn, it was a steer-flavored albatross hanging around his neck. When pressed about it, he'll admit he did it in his young and not so smart days, but you're not going to see the cow eating trophy when you enter the Pastore house.

I'm afraid Mr. Lo is going to suffer a similar fate. It's going to be fun for a while, but someday, he's going to regret this point in his life. If Samuel Alito, say, had belonged to a Rubik's Cube solving club at Princeton, there'd already be a filibuster, and it would be hard for conservatives to defend breaking it.

As someone who's eaten a 48 oz. steak in under nine minutes, I feel well-qualified to note that some records are not worth it.