If Only Bill Had Tried This With Paula Jones

by the world's least dangerous man

The New York Daily News reports that Clinton and Friends regularly paid $10-20 million bribes to the Taliban to stop bin Laden from being, well, bin Laden. Like most such cases, the bribery apparently had little effect -- the rich murderous psychopath was still a rich murderous psychopath, just with friends who were $20 million richer. The U.S. considered buying the rights to Osama himself from the Taliban for $250 million, but Bill didn't want to tick off Hillary and women's rights activists.

In retrospect, I'm not sure which part of that last sentance is more disturbing. Either the fact that we'd consider paying $250 million to a band of fanatics, murderers and thieves in order to gain access to a guy we could have killed if the lawyers didn't get involved, or that we wouldn't do so because Bill was afraid of Hillary's reaction. Worst of all, we might have been lowballing the Taliban for the right to capture Osama -- shouldn't we have also sent a player to be named later to the Taliban? I mean, maybe we could have sent the bearded version of Al Gore; he might have fit in.

Jokes aside, this is really disturbing. The next time anyone blasts Bush's pre-emption doctrine, they might want to consult the Clinton Doctrine, which apparently involved bribing the scum of the Earth. To be fair, this is much like the U.N. Oil-for-Food program in Iraq.

Although this could be part of Kerry's platform -- his version of the War on Terror might be to have Teresa cut Osama a check.