The Sports Rant

by the world's least dangerous man

I suppose that I'm supposed to say a word or two about the Olympics. Unfortunately, there's not much to say.

Look, the Olympic ideal just seems a little corrupted when it's nothing more than network programming and corporate shilling. Not that I have a problem with that in any way, but I just get tired of people placing the Olympics on some sort of exalted pedestal above other sporting events and competitions. Besides, if our kids aren't beating the Commies, it's hard to get excited. I'm waiting for the NFL to start for real and the Phillies to complete their latest collapse. Any spare time I have is devoted to dealing with important things, like watching Comedy Central.

With that being said, I do have the following observations, one for each of the rings. In no particular order:

1. The Opening Ceremonies are much more entertaining when a group of guys are watching them and taking every opportunity to rip Katie Couric.

2. Bob Costas' thinly veiled sarcasm about Bjork's dress during the Opening Ceremonies almost redeemed his overt politeness to Katie.

3. Men's gymnasts must have some sort of brainwashing done to overcome their fears of the pommel horse. Either that or a frontal lobotomy, because the possibility of injury is too gruesome to even consider.

4. 130,000 condoms and 30,000 tubes of lubricant were handed out to the athletes. I guess they're not following Rocky Balboa's training regimen.

5. Our Olympic men's basketball team, assembled by the idiots at NBA Central, somehow lost to Puerto Rico. Which brings up an important question -- why does Puerto Rico get its own Olympic team? Will the men's basketball team lose to North Dakota next?