The NFL Recap, Week Ten

I do these at work as part of my duties as Sports Czar, so why not share with the greater public?

Celebrate, D.C. football fans! Your team has won a title! There's even a parade this week!

What? Oh, we're not talking about the Redskins. We're talking about the sport the rest of the world calls football, which most Americans call soccer and I call a "hideously boring waste of my time." But if you're a D.C. sports fan, you should take what you can get. The D.C. United won a title this week, which is far more than the Redskins, a.k.a. the D.C. Divided, could manage this week.

In the exciting version of football, D.C. suffered another setback Sunday, losing to Cincinnati 17-10 in a game that didn't appear to be that close. We'd heap more scorn on the Skins, but we've heard pleas for mercy from folks here this week, who have pointed out that losing to Cincinnati is bad enough. They're probably right, although it was far from the most atrocious performance of the week. No, we'll give that to the Houston Texans, whose brief flirtation with contention ended with a thud in Indianapolis, where the Colts destroyed them by a 49-14 score. Colts QB Peyton Manning is now on track to shatter Dan Marino's single-season record for passing TDs, in a manner similar to Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds breaking baseball's single season home run record. Manning is on track for another MVP award, much like Bonds. And much like Bonds, he's on track not to win a title.

However, the Manning genes are so good that Giants coach Tom Coughlin has decided it's time for the Eli Manning Era to start in New York, after the Giants dropped their third straight by a 17-14 score to the Cardinals. Giants QB Kurt Warner lost his job, but now he'll get to hold the clipboard, although he might fumble that away as well. The Cardinals now stand at 4-5, one game out of first place, which is enough to make one wonder why the NFC West isn't immediately disqualified from the playoffs en masse. The co-leaders of the division, to the extent that anyone leads this sorry bunch, met in St. Louis on Sunday, where the Rams seized the division lead with a 23-12 win over the Seahawks. The Seahawks started the season 3-0 and were touted as Super Bowl contenders. Of course, no one specified if that was for this year or 2007.

Some might think that rookie QBs like the aforementioned Eli Manning only start for teams thinking of winning a title in 2007, but rookie QBs are currently 10-0 as starters this season. Leading the way is Pittsburgh wunderkind Ben Roethlisberger, who's won his first seven starts and has the Steelers atop the AFC North at 8-1 following a 24-10 whitewash of Cleveland. That's a whitewash of the team, not the city -- we know Roethlisberger is good, but it's asking a lot to have him clean the entire city of Cleveland; heck, that's like asking someone to clean Michael Moore's plates off the dinner table. The other rookie QB who's unbeaten is Chicago's Craig Krenzel (no, we're not joking) who's 3-0 after the Bears squeaked out a 19-17 win over theTitans, thanks to a safety in overtime. That's only the second NFL overtime game to ever end with a safety, but we're just thankful this ended. The game was uglier than a twelve-hour marathon of Mama's Family.

Two other games made it into overtime this weekend as well, and just like the Chicago game, they were tied at 17 entering the extra frame. Baltimore beat the Jets at the Meadowlands 20-17, after Jets backup QB Quincy Carter called a late timeout and screwed up the chance to win the game in regulation. Baltimore ended the game with Kordell Stewart at punter, which is far safer than having Kordell Stewart at QB. Meanwhile, Jacksonville started a backup QB and got better results, as David Garrard piloted the Jags to a 23-17 OT win over the Lions. Detroit QB Joey Harrington went 11-for-33, and was punished by being forced to watch twelve hours of Access Hollywood updates on the impending wedding of Star Jones.

Perhaps the entire Kansas City team should join him -- the Chiefs squandered another close game yesterday, turning the ball over repeatedly in a 27-20 loss to the Saints. The Chiefs are pro football's most disappointing team, even more so than the Redskins. At least the Chiefs had a track record of success in the last five years. Even when they started badly, everyone expected them to right the ship, much like Green Bay has done. The Packers won their fourth straight with 34-31 thriller over Minnesota, which rallied for two late touchdowns to tie it before Ryan Longwell of the Pack won it with a late field goal. The Vikings appear to have moved up their late-season swoon by a few weeks to avoid interfering with the holidays, as they have now dropped three in a row to fall into a first-place tie with the Pack.

Only two teams in the NFC have broken out from the pack. The surprise is Atlanta, which stands at 7-2 following a 24-14 stomping of the Bucs. The Falcons racked up 205 yards rushing on the Bucs and appear to be on track for their first division title in six seasons. They certainly aren't receiving a challenge from defending NFC South champion Carolina, which won for the first time in six weeks by beating a slightly more pathetic 49er team 37-27, in a game notable for absolutely nothing. The game was so boring that Carolina QB Jake Delohomme didn't know he'd broken his thumb until the next day.

Meanwhile , the other NFC stalwart is the Eagles, who steamrollered Dallas 49-21 in Dallas, showcasing a wild offensive show that produced two fifty-yard plus scores, a sixty-yard bomb by Donovan McNabb to Freddie Mitchell that is already picking up the ESPY for Play of the Year, and three TD celebrations by the irrepressible Terrell Owens. Dallas coach Bill Parcells was later rumored to be interested in the University of Florida coaching position. One guy who won't be leaving his job is New England coach Bill Belicheck, who helmed the Pats to a 29-6 win over Buffalo, the Patriots' 23rd win in 24 games. Buffalo QB Drew Bledsoe, a former Patriot, spent most of the game doing his best Mark Brunell impersonation, throwing for 76 yards as the Bills offense produced eight first downs and no points (the Bills' sole TD came on a punt return). Perhaps Bledsoe can start for Joe Gibbs next year.