The Wedding Update

This wedding update is not brought to you by the Catholic Church. But they did bring me to pre-cana classes a couple weeks ago.

24 days to go...

I was intending to do a long dissertation on our Engaged Encounter Weekend, but (a) I don't have time and (b) you don't care. So let's boil it down to some key points...

1. I found the "Natural Family Planning" discussions entertaining, mostly because the good folks presenting the discussion tried desperately to make it clear that this isn't "Catholic birth control" yet also tried to pitch this as the way to avoid having nine kids. I kept thinking about Monty Python and the Meaning of Life...

Harry Blackitt: Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.

Mrs. Blackitt: What are we dear?

Harry Blackitt: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it.

Mrs. Blackitt: Hmm. Well, why do they have so many children?

Harry Blackitt: Because... every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby.

Mrs. Blackitt: But it's the same with us, Harry.

Harry Blackitt: What do you mean?

Mrs. Blackitt: Well, I mean, we've got two children, and we've had sexual intercourse twice.

Harry Blackitt: That's not the point. We could have it any time we wanted.

Mrs. Blackitt: Really?

Harry Blackitt: Oh, yes, and, what's more, because we don't believe in all that Papist claptrap, we can take precautions.

Mrs. Blackitt: What, you mean... lock the door?

Harry Blackitt: No, no. I mean, because we are members of the Protestant Reformed Church, which successfully challenged the autocratic power of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century, we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.

Mrs. Blackitt: What d'you mean?

Harry Blackitt: I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with you...

Mrs. Blackitt: Oh, yes, Harry.

Harry Blackitt: ...and, by wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller, I could insure... that, when I came off, you would not be impregnated.

Mrs. Blackitt: Ooh.

Harry Blackitt: That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual and the individual's right to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in fifteen-seventeen, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing, but four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas...

2. For those of you who don't know what "Natural Family Planning" refers to, don't worry about it. But if you really want to know, I know some couples who'd be happy to discuss it with you for a weekend.

3. We did have a great priest lecturing us over the weekend. On the whole, I generally enjoy the lectures and sermons I've heard from priests on the relatively rare occasions when I've been in a Church for a service or in classes in college. Maybe growing up without being forced to go to Church every Sunday actually makes me more willing to listen to what a priest says.

4. I need to agree with one thing the priest said -- when you tell someone "I love you", it's more of a question, seeking affirmation, then a statement. Then again, I've known that ever since I watched The Empire Strikes Back and Han Solo responded to Leia with "I know." Then again, the priest said he was quoting Barbra Streisand. I'm trying not to shudder.

5. By the way, the priest was younger than me. It's always a scary moment when you realize you're older than a man of God.

6. Great discussion group section with the other couples at your table, especially since we ended up with normal people at our table. It's cool to hear other couples discuss some of the same concerns about cost of living, children, juggling work and home, etc. It's also good to learn that other people's wedding planning is going far worse than yours.

7. So the discussion group ends, and they need someone to present what our table talked about. And since someone had asked me what I do for a living earlier in the day, they all nominated me to go up and speak. Great -- eight people at the table, seven of them are Catholic, and they send the Hindu up to speak on the topic of how to integrate the Church into your family life. There's a joke in there somewhere.

8. By the way, we had to drive out to the middle of nowhere for the class on two consecutive days. Yet even in the middle of Virginia, there's far too many Starbucks. Their evil needs to be contained.

9. During the introduction section, approximately 50 couples introduced themselves and told everyone when they were getting married and where. Of the 50, approximately 45 featured the male speaking, and one of the females who spoke did so because her future husband was still en route. One couple was getting married the next weekend, which prompted the guy behind me to whisper, "Is she pregnant?"

10. On the whole, I found the whole experience to be enlightening. Besides, it let me avoid work and discussion of the actual planning of the wedding for a few hours. That's always good.