What, No F'in Ziti?

The Lord of Truth sends along this piece, which allows us to pontificate on one of the things we hate most in life -- mandatory tips at restaurants. It turns out that businesses can pursue you legally for these gratuities...

Humberto A. Taveras put his money where his mouth is and ended up arrested, accused of leaving an inadequate tip at a restaurant.

Taveras, 41, faces a misdemeanor charge of theft of services after he and his fellow diners argued with Soprano's Italian and American Grill managers over the legality of requiring an 18 percent tip for large parties.

"They chased us down like a bunch of criminals," Taveras said. "It killed our weekend."

Taveras and eight others had pizza at the restaurant in this resort village Sunday night. He said they weren't completely satisfied with the food and left a tip of under 10 percent. Taveras said they also were not told of a mandatory 18 percent gratuity for parties of six or more and did not see notice of it on their menus.

Restaurant owner Joe Soprano said all the menus have the notice, and the waitress informed the group. He said he did not choose to pursue charges because of the money, but because Taveras' group was obnoxious.

Okay, let's start with noting that most places that have such a policy just add the tip to the bill; I'm assuming Sopranos does the same. In that case, it's a little tough to see how these guys figured they could walk out without paying the full tab, although it's something I've always wanted to try (and kudos to them for doing so). Of course, I'm guessing that they were, in fact, jerks, because I really don't see a restaurant owner pursuing such a small amount.

But to be honest, this is total crap. What's obnoxious is the policy of automatically adding an 18% tip. Why only add it for parties for parties of six or more? Why not just add an 18% gratuity for every meal? Yeah, I know, large parties are more likely to stiff the waiter or waitress on the tip, because the cost of the meal generally expands as the party gets larger. Guess what? Life's tough. Just because other parties are cheapskates does not mean that I should be forced to add a gratuity that my waiter or waitress did not earn.

And by the way... when the hell did 18% become standard? When I was a kid, I swear the typical tip was only 10%. At some point prior to when I began paying for meals at restaurants, it became 15%. Now it's 18%, and some places charge 20%. It presumably helps justify restaurants opting to pay their wait staff such low hourly wages. But it's still absurd, and idiotic to boot. A tip, from what I was taught as a kid, was not simply offered for adequate service, but was offered in gratitude for good service. Now we just tip everyone, whether the service was good or not.

I know this comes off as terribly anal, but I don't care. And no, I've never worked as a waiter or a waitress, but this does not mean I don't appreciate that they have a tough job. I don't particularly mind paying a waiter or waitress 15-20%; point in fact, I regularly do it. But I have the disposable income that allows me that luxury -- not everyone has this option. And unless you receive good service, rather than merely adequate service, why should you pay 15-20% as a tip?

It's fine if you do it because you want to do so -- in fact, that's perfectly acceptable. But a mandatory tip defies common sense. If your waitress spills the soup all over one of the guests, are you still going to be charged 18%? Or if the waiter fails to get you a diet soda after three requests, do you still have to pay? I guess if your food is crappy, you still pay for it. But you shouldn't automatically have to pay extra for something that's technically considered part of the cost of the meal.

Of course, I don't think I'd ever choose to walk out on the bill at a place called "Sopranos." There's too much of a chance you'll end up in a landfill somewhere.