Not A View Anyone Wants

If you want to know why I enjoy Bill Simmons' column at ESPN, his latest effort about his visit to Denver for the NBA All-Star weekend should clear it up. My favorite excerpts...

Minutes before the game, Star Jones triumphantly waddled across the court to her courtside seats -- joined by new husband Al Reynolds, who seemed especially pleased with himself -- and I remember thinking to myself, "If there's a God, Shaq will go plowing into them after a loose ball."

So what happened? First, a waitress accidentally spilled a tray of full champagne glasses on her, ruining her fur coat and causing Section 122 to nearly break out in applause. Star reacted like Joe Pesci in "GoodFellas" after Spider talked back to him -- I thought she was going to pull a gat out and shoot the waitress in the foot. The whole thing was fantastic. And I remember thinking to myself, "Man, that was even better than seeing Shaq plow into her. But later in the first half, LeBron was trying to save a loose ball and ended up diving into the stands ... yup, right into Star Jones. In fact, that should be an All-Star Saturday event -- "Save A Loose Ball And Crash Into Star Jones."

I'm surprised LeBron didn't run off the court to get a shower after that. Personally, if the NBA sent its stars into the stands to run over any of the co-hosts for The View, I think that would get higher ratings than a WNBA game.