The Hawk's Mating Rituals Do Not Work Well

Delonte West of the Boston Celtics is busy getting beaten up by his girlfriend...

A night of post-game partying turned ugly for Boston Celtics point guard Delonte West when his live-in girlfriend allegedly choked and bit him and tried to slash her own wrists with shards of glass because he dumped her.

West’s girlfriend, Caryn Taylor, skipped court yesterday where she was supposed to have been arraigned on domestic assault and battery charges for the Dec. 21, 2006, alleged attack in the couple’s Waltham apartment. A warrant for her arrest was issued, authorities said.

Normally, I don't cover stuff like this, but Deadspin linked this to West's comments last year on how he romances the ladies...

"So, I pick her up in my white convertible. From there, I'd have the music pumping on the radio. The Jim Jones pumping, you know, 'Summer in Miami' song pumping. Got to keep a little gangsta, you can't be too soft. You can't be in there playing some guy that's crying, talking about don't leave me and love me baby, wah wah and all that. So Jim Jones pumping and then from there, wind blowing through the hair, boom, we get straight to the point -- we eat afterwards because I don't want to kiss no onions. I don't want to kiss you tasting like onions and steak and mushrooms and everything."

"...One more thing: When we're on the yacht eating, we're going to have some Popeyes chicken. That's for dinner. It's to let her know, put a mental image on her mind, first and foremost, if you ain't from the hood, you don't like Popeyes chicken. Everyone there loves Popeyes chicken and the biscuits -- phew. But that's just getting it on her mind, saying, you know, 'Yeah, I can wine and dine you, but I'm a little rough around the edges and I'm keeping it real with you. I can be romantic, but this is real, we're going to eat some chicken tonight. Chicken and biscuits.'"

Ladies and gentlemen, let me point out that West is a product of St. Joseph's University. It's clear that if he had gone to a real school, one that had something other than a diseased pigeon rat for a mascot, he might have avoided this sad situation.