May The Evil Empire Fall

Good news, Yankee-haters -- Derek Jeter is getting married. This should kill the chances of future titles, as we all know A-Rod didn't get a title until he dumped his wife and started dating starlets. And yes, he's not married yet, but the wedding planning alone will drive him to an under .200 average during the playoffs and assist in an early exit. Jeter is still relatively young and one of the hottest bachelors in New York City -- yet he's going to get married and kill his team's future. I mean, how many titles has Tom Brady won since he got hitched?