Simpsons Quote of the Day

by the world's least dangerous man

Homer takes on a new job as Mayor Quimby's bodyguard. He helps the mayor break up a mob operation, but mafia don Fat Tony responds by putting a hit on the mayor. Homer doesn't shirk his responsibility, however...

Bart: "Aren't you scared, Dad? I mean, if I were Fat Tony, and God willing, someday I will be, I'd just be stewin' in my jail cell, getting madder and madder."

Homer: "Oh, don't worry about that, boy. He's already out on bail. Well, I'm off to work!"

Marge: "You're guarding the mayor tonight? After Fat Tony swore revenge?"

Homer: "It's my duty, Marge. Besides, those mobsters don't scare me. Bart, would you go start Daddy's car?"

Marge: (appalled) "Homer!"

Homer: "What? There's nothing to worry about!"

Bart: "Well, then you start it!"

Homer: (sighs) "All right, fine... I'll take a cab."