Simpsons Quote of the Day

by the world's least dangerous man

First, let's listen to Mr. Burns as he fills out his heath care information on a visit to the Mayo Clinic...

Burns: (reading the form and talking aloud to himself) "Let's see now. Social security number ...hmm... naught, naught, naught ... naught, naught ... naught, naught, naught, two." (lowers voice to a mutter) "Damn Roosevelt." (continues to next question) "Cause of parents' death... they got in my way."

Next, Burns gets the results of his tests...

Burns: "Well, doc, I think I did pretty well on my tests. You may shake my hand if you like."

Doctor: "Well, um, under the circumstances... I'd rather not."

Burns: "Huh?"

Doctor: "Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have... everything."

Burns: "You mean I have pneumonia?"

Doctor: "Yes."

Burns: "Juvenile diabetes?"

Doctor: "Yes."

Burns: "Hysterical pregnancy?"

Doctor: "Um, a little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered -- in you."

Burns: "I see. You sure you haven't just made thousands and thousands of mistakes?"

Doctor: "Um, no, I'm afraid not."

Burns: "This sounds like bad news."