I'm Back... to Celebrate Bastille Day

by the world's least dangerous man

Okay, not exactly news. But it's time to starting penning this thread for real.

As for today, let's start simple, with a few gems to celebrate Bastille Day properly...

"The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language."

-- P.J. O'Rourke
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."

— Norman Schwartzkopf

"It took no more effort than casting a Frenchman into hell."

-- Dutch saying

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France."

—Jay Leno

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."

— John McCain

"France is the only country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper."

-- Billy Wilder
"France was a long despotism tempered by epigrams."

-- Thomas Carlyle

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken."

-- Hannibal Lector

"Broadway producers are saying that because of the war, musicals are suffering from weak ticket sales. Not only that, over at 'Les Miserables,' the French are refusing to take part in the revolution."

—Conan O'Brien

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."

— Regis Philbin

"A fighting Frenchman runs away from even a she-goat."

-- Russian saying

"The French, you might as well gas up the dinghy and go fishing with Fredo because you are dead to me, okay. You know something? These pricks are now putting — they're putting swastikas on our flag in France. You've got all those boys buried in Normandy. And after we had the good taste to chisel the armpit hair off the Statue of Liberty you gave us, you know something, I — always thought that tint was oxdized copper. Little did I know it was green with envy... Listen, I would call the French scum bags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum."

-- Dennis Miller

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."

—General George S. Patton

"France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France... Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes. "

-- Mark Twain

"The French complain about everything and always."

-- Napolean

"Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go in reverse. Tanks that only go in reverse — they've been repackaged and sold to France."

-- Craig Kilborn

"Now, as we all know, there are many good reasons to hate the cheese-eating surrender monkeys... Survey after survey reveals that raccoons bathe more than the average Frenchman. They stuck us with Vietnam and took credit for liberating Paris after they spent most of World War Two chastising the chef for not serving Herr General a Fresh brioche."

-- Jonah Goldberg

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."

— Marge Simpson
"It is good to hate the French."

-- Al Bundy