Friday, December 06, 2002

Simpsons Quote of the Day

by the world's least dangerous man

Homer's snowplowing business is threatened by Barney's new company, which takes all his customers. Homer calls Barney and disguises his voice, in an attempt to trick Barney into trying to plow a far-off location on top of a mountain. Barney seems reluctant, but Homer ups the ante...

Homer: (in disguised voice) "There's a $10,000 bill in it for you."

Barney: (suspicious) "Oh yeah? Which president's on it?"

Homer: (struggling, still in disguise) "Uh...um... All of them. They're having a party. Jimmy Carter's passed out on the couch."

Barney: "Wow!"

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Thursday, December 05, 2002

The Simpsons Quote of the Day

by the world's least dangerous man

Bart's archenemy, Sideshow Bob, is released from prison... and he's dating Bart's Aunt Selma. In fact, at a family dinner, Bob gets ready to pop a significant question to Selma...

Sideshow Bob: "Selma, would you mind if I did something bold and shocking in front of your family?"

Selma: "All right... but no tongues." (removes a cigarette from her lips and puckers up)

Sideshow Bob: (forces a smile) "Although kissing you would be like kissing some divine ashtray, that's not what I had in mind."

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Wednesday, December 04, 2002

The Simpsons Quote of the Day

by the world's least dangerous man

Homer visits the Springfield Daily Shopper, the town's leading newspaper. The tour guide gives us the lowdown on the paper's history...

Guide: "Welcome to the Springfield Shopper, established in 1883. The newspaper was founded by Johnny Newspaperseed, a fourteen year-old boy who roamed America, founding newspapers."

Homer: (unimpressed) "If he's so smart, how come he's dead?"

Guide: "Over the years, the Shopper merged with the Springfield Times, Post, Globe, Herald, Jewish News and Hot Sex Weekly to become Springfield's number one newspaper."

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Tuesday, December 03, 2002

I freaking love this story. The best part? Five UPenn students who apparently believe that you can set motor oil on fire.


PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- — Five University of Pennsylvania students were charged with beating, kicking and pouring motor oil on a Princeton student visiting for a debate tournament.

The five surrendered Monday and were charged with aggravated assault, reckless endangerment and making terroristic threats, police said. They were released pending a hearing Wednesday.

About 15 Princeton students were visiting Penn for the tournament Nov. 15 and 16. The group was sleeping in a lounge area in a dormitory when several Penn students came in, turned lights on and off and ordered the visitors out.

Princeton student John Brantl, 19, said he told them to go away and they did, but one returned at about 4 a.m. with four friends. He said they began kicking and beating him, poured the motor oil on his face and head, threatened to ignite the motor oil and left only after he promised never to visit Penn again.

One of the five Penn students, 20-year-old Thomas Bispham, declined comment. The others — Tavraj Banga, Philip Balderston and David Hochfelder, all 19, and Steven Stolk, 20 — could not be located for comment.

The university was conducting an internal investigation.

Detective Supervisor Frank DeMeo said he wasn't surprised by the attack.

"I've seen kids do things and they get out of hand," he said. "They all have beer."

Monday, December 02, 2002

Today's Simpsons Quote of the Day

from the world's least dangerous man

Homer befriends Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin, who just moved to Springfield in an effort to hide out from crazed fans. Homer initially becomes the stars' best friend, but then betrays their trust by revealing their secret. After they kick him out, the two begin to review pictures, and start to miss Homer...

Kim: (looking at pictures of her, Alec and Homer dressed in Old West clothes) "Oh, Alec, look. Wasn't that a fun weekend?"

Alec: "Yeah. Homer was a pretty good guy. And we just tossed him out like a Golden Globe award. I gotta admit, I miss the way he used to tuck us in, and kiss us on the forehead."

Kim: (looks mystified) "Forehead?"

Alec: (ignoring the comment) "Aw, maybe I should've made his movie."

Kim: "Yeah, it wasn't that bad. I mean the script might even work, if you got rid of the talking pie."

Alec: "What, are you crazy?? It's a buddy picture. Without the pie, it would just be me on screen for two hours."

Kim: (sarcastic) "Oh, yeah, you'd hate that."

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