Things I Needed To Know

Great.  Now every time I go to a family function and see a woman wearing a sari, I'm going to think of this story.

This one's for you, Johnny

No, not Kerry. A few folks know who I'm talking about, and they know why it's important that my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate stopped in NEWBURGH, NEW YORK today...

Kerry fielded questions about foreign policy, presidential politics, abortion and the death penalty in a 12-minute interview at a Wendy's fast-food restaurant in this GOP-leaning Hudson Valley community.

After polishing off a bowl of chili and a Frosty, the newly minted nominee took Bush and his Republican allies head-on.

"They don't have a record to run on so all they can do is attack," Kerry said. He was responding to Bush, who a few minutes earlier had said from the campaign trail that Kerry had no "significant achievements" in Congress.

Clearly, Kerry has no intention of actually defending his record. Maybe he agrees that it's not defensible.

But more importantly... a bowl of chili and a Frosty? Do Wendy's burgers not use Heinz Ketchup? Jokes aside, a bowl of chili mixed with a Frosty sounds like a recipie for stomach trouble.  Hope they packed some Tums.

The Wedding Update

by the world's least dangerous man

This update is brought to you by Timex, in honor of the ticking clock that says it's only one year until the actual day of the wedding.  Pre-anniversary gifts are accepted and even encouraged.

365 days to go...

Not much to say here, except to plug the Monday update following the mass meeting of the families this weekend at Alli's parents' house.  I really should have invited press coverage for this thing.  Or at least Downing in his role of "Featured Instigator."

In the meantime, I think I'm going to brush up on my Brando.  "I want to thank Don Barzini..."

John Kerry's Night of 1000 Laughs (not)

Well, since I broke down Edwards speech, I should probably do the same with Kerry's... except I'm still trying to wake up after watching it.

Don't misunderstand -- I could make fun of this speech all day if I tried, starting with that salute, which looked goofy more than inspirational. Maybe it's just me, but I keep thinking the gesture didn't look natural. And while some of the speechwriting work was well done, the analogies seemed a little bit more extravagant than necessary. For example, that line about trees being the "cathedrals of nature" was nicely phrased, but it came when he was trying to tell us the lessons his mother taught him. I'm just guessing here, but I doubt she used that phrase.

There was a lot of sell of his life story, especially the Vietnam story. But there was little to no sell or even mention of his service in public life since then, other than the brief mention of his career as a prosecutor. Hey, it's kinda understandable -- being Michael Dukakis' Lt. Governor is sort of akin to being a former friend of O.J., in that you try not to keep those pictures around. But Kerry won't and seemingly can't answer the charges about his Senate record -- so much so that he tried to pre-empt the legitimate attacks on his Senate voting record by almost begging Bush not to go negative.

The speech did prove that Kerry can exhibit passion, unless that sweat was just the result of the lighting. But even then, there's almost a forced quality to it, like he's too eager to make his points. Part of that stems from the fact that the speech was too long by at least ten minutes, leading Kerry to almost race through the applause lines and speak too fast for the crowd to sing along with the catchphrases. Knowing that he wrote most of the speech himself, that's not all that surprising. One other thing -- the guy really can't tell a joke to save his life, as evidenced by that gawdawful line about the West Wing at the beginning and the FDR line about the website later on. That's not really his fault -- some people have comic timing and other don't. But these jokes were badly written as well. With 98% of Hollywood backing him, you'd think they could get someone in with some good material for him to use.

In the end, he reached first base with a bloop single, but he didn't hit a home run. And that's me being generous. Jonah Goldberg, one of my favorite writers anywhere, made some more cogent points in his column in USA Today...

For most, a yes/no vote is like a light switch — only two possible positions. But for Kerry, everything has a dimmer knob. He rejects the notion that the bulb must be on or off. He thinks he can blend black and white into shades of gray — illuminating here, obscuring there.

This theme plays out over and over again in his biography, most famously in his record as both a decorated veteran and demagogic anti-war activist. He was for the Vietnam War before he was against it. In Kerry's world, squares can be circles, straight lines crooked, cats dogs. To borrow from the immortal Yogi Berra, when Kerry comes to a fork in the road, he takes it.

...Yes, of course, Kerry and, suddenly, John Edwards say al-Qaeda must be destroyed, but such statements are no-brainers politically. What candidate is going to proudly proclaim that Uncle Sam will bend over for a paddling like Kevin Bacon in Animal House and yell "Thank you, sir! May I have another!" after 9/11?

Goldberg points out that while Kerry wants us to believe that he will take the War on Terror seriously, he wouldn't consider himself a War President, just a "Jobs President." And we thought he was condescending last night. In the end, did he convince anyone to vote for him last night? I kinda doubt it. He's still got 97 days to make that case. But he's not going to have an audience this big again for a solo speech. Of course, maybe he's better off not speaking, as he proved again last night.

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

Featured Instigator Kevin Downing sends us this link, which may be a forecast on impending doom for the Democrtaic ticket.  Apparently the planned balloon drop following Kerry's speech last night took a bit longer than expected, leading to the following...

Don Mischer, executive producer of the convention, bemoaned the delay, saying at first, "Go balloons. Go balloons. More balloons. All balloons. All balloons. Come on guys, let's move it! . . . We need more balloons! . . . "

His remarks then grew more emphatic and profane, forcing the cable network to issue an apology to its viewers.

Sometimes, It's Too Funny

This story from CNN is almost too good to be true. There's an old friend of mine currently in Brazil who may try moving to South Carolina to replace this guy.

One other point: check the name of the U.S. Attorney in the article.

Picture of the Year, Part II

All the credit in the world to AllahPundit.

Please Read This Article

You won't catch me linking to Esquire too often.  But Polipundit and the deacon at the Powerline Blog cited to this superb bit from a Bush-basher.  The author of the article, Tom Junod, closes his first paragraph by calling Bush an "asshole."  But then he draws some surprising conclusions:

As easy as it is to say that we can't abide the president because of the gulf between what he espouses and what he actually does , what haunts me is the possibility that we can't abide him because of us—because of the gulf between his will and our willingness. What haunts me is the possibility that we have become so accustomed to ambiguity and inaction in the face of evil that we find his call for decisive action an insult to our sense of nuance and proportion.
 
The people who dislike George W. Bush have convinced themselves that opposition to his presidency is the most compelling moral issue of the day. Well, it's not. The most compelling moral issue of the day is exactly what he says it is, when he's not saying it's gay marriage. The reason he will be difficult to unseat in November—no matter what his approval ratings are in the summer—is that his opponents operate out of the moral certainty that he is the bad guy and needs to be replaced, while he operates out of the moral certainty that terrorists are the bad guys and need to be defeated. The first will always sound merely convenient when compared with the second. Worse, the gulf between the two kinds of certainty lends credence to the conservative notion that liberals have settled for the conviction that Bush is distasteful as a substitute for conviction—because it's easier than conviction.

He also draws an exceedingly eerie parallel to Lincoln and the Civil War, one which includes this thought:

Of course, Iraq might be a lost cause. It might be a disaster unmitigated and unprecedented. But if we permit ourselves to look at it the way the Republicans look at it—as a historical cause rather than just a cause assumed to be lost—we might be persuaded to see that it's history's judgment that matters, not ours. The United States, at this writing, has been in Iraq fifteen months. At the same point in the Civil War, Lincoln faced, well, a disaster unmitigated and unprecedented. He was losing . He didn't lose, at least in part because he was able to both inspire and draw on the kind of moral absolutism necessary to win wars. Bush has been unable to do the same, at least in part because he is undercut by evidence of his own dishonesty, but also because moral absolutism is nearly impossible to sustain in the glare of a twenty-four-hour news cycle. In a nation incapable of feeling any but the freshest wounds, Bush cannot seek to inspire moral absolutism without his moral absolutism becoming itself an issue—indeed, the issue. He cannot seek to engender certainty without being accused of sowing disarray. And he cannot speak the barest terms necessary for victory in any war—that we will stay the course, through good or through ill, because our cause is right and just, and God is on our side—without inspiring a goodly number of his constituents to aspire to the moral prestige of surrender.

I'm not saying I agree with everything this guy says, but at least he's considered the important reality that his side could be wrong, and fundamentally may not understand the consequences of the arguments they make.  One could say the same about Bush and my side.  Except that for the former, Bush is willing to concede that he may be wrong, but he's not willing to risk it.  As for the latter, he understands the consequences and costs, and fully acknowledges them, but believes the costs of inaction to be far greater.

The Schedule

The Birds' schedule looks too damn easy.  12-4 is not a cinch, but it's close. 

And December 12th, a Sunday night game with the Skins... I'm already beginning to make the plans.

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

Since we've heard a lot about his service this week (in case you didn't know, John Kerry served in Vietnam), we thought it important to note this site for the record. One of our few but proud readers (thanks, R) sent this one out as a reminder. Keep in mind, these are the people who served with John Kerry, whose pictures were used in an ad by the Kerry campaign without their permission, in a way that implied that they endorsed him:

The Kerry campaign featured the photograph in an advertisement released in May titled Lifetime. Swift Boat Veterans for Truth contacted surviving members of this group to find out how many actually support John Kerry, and discovered that of 19 Swift boat skippers pictured other than Kerry, 11 consider him unfit, 4 are neutral, two have died, and 2 are working with the Kerry campaign. Four other officers were not present for the photo session; all oppose Kerry.

Now, is this truly relevant to whether Kerry should be President? Normally, I'd say no. But in Kerry's case, his willingness to serve has been used as the crux of the argument in favor of his character. The opinions of those who served with him should therefore count for something -- not just those who support him now, but those who oppose him as well.

In Exchange for the Speech, Kerry Should Give Her Some Hair Care Tips

Sure, I shouldn't make fun of a 12 year old. And yes, I'm the last person who should be making hair care recommendations. But what was up with this kid's hair?

Opinion on Edwards' Speech

I watched a ton of the speech last night. He had a lot of the "Two Americas" theme in there. He claimed they would retain the tax cut for 98% of Americans, soak the rich and be able to provide better health care and expanded education funding (citing expanded tax credits for tuition and health care). He claimed they would rebuild alliances abroad and be able to have less of the burden borne by American troops (how, he didn't explain). He said we would be tough on Syria and Iran (how, again?) and would hunt down al Q ("We will destroy you.").

Analysis: He's pretty effective with the stump speech on Two Americas, but I think this populist stuff only sells in small doses, especially when there's very little substance to his statements. To me, if Edwards were anything but a Democrat, the press would be savaging him mercilessly for his lack of substance. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- Dan Quayle was smarter and had more relevant experience than Edwards. Edwards is a good, at times very good, communicator of a message, but he's way short on substance ( I hate the term "gravitas."). His sale of Kerry was pretty good (not as good as Clinton's sale), but again focused on Kerry's war experience as the reason he should be elected. I will say that his wife gave a terrific introduction -- Elizabeth Edwards, point in fact, is more prepared to be First Lady than her husband is to be President, should he need to take over.

Bottom line, I kept thinking this is how Hollywood would cast a candidate for VP in a movie where the VP's role is to stand in the background and smile. The "we will destroy you" line just didn't sound right coming out of his mouth. And if you think Bush's smirk is annoying... well, Edwards has got one as well.

Kerry, Edwards, and Donnie Shacks?

Let's get this straight.  I'm not sure what this story means.  But maybe it means John Edwards needs to steer clear of this guy in the future:

As Sens. John Kerry and John Edwards arrived in Boston today for the Democratic National Convention, so did the California man who is their single biggest contributor.  

If Dick Cheyney had dinner with a guy connected to an imprisoned mob figure, do you suppose it might get more play?  If this story gets any play, expect the Democrats to claim it's more GOP dirty tricks, just like the ones that exposed Sandy Berger and Joe Wilson.  Dealing with the substance of the charges seems rather difficult for the Demos.


He is Stephen Bing, a wealthy film producer who, with little fanfare, has managed to steer a total of more than $16 million of his money to Democratic candidates and the supposedly independent groups that support them.
 
...In fact, Democratic Party officials said they knew nothing about the man who law enforcement officials tell ABC News is Bing's friend and business partner — Dominic Montemarano, a New York Mafia figure currently in federal prison on racketeering charges.

Montemarano has a long criminal record and is known to organized crime investigators by his street name, Donnie Shacks.

"Donnie Shacks' main activity was murder. No question about it. That was his main function for the Colombo family and for organized crime in general. He was one of the top hit men in the New York area," said Joe Coffey, a former NYPD investigator.

According to The Los Angeles Times, Bing paid Montemarano's legal fees after his most recent scrape with the law. Montemerano's lawyer said his client was an employee of Bing's.

After a recent private lunch with Democratic vice-presidential candidate Edwards, Bing also declined to answer questions about his relationship with Montemerano.

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

Jim Geraghty of National Review's Kerry Spot, in a typically excellent post, finds a great little piece in the New Yorker that explains Kerry's flip-flopping on the $87 billion to rebuild Iraq. One of Kerry's advisors says the following:

"Off the record he did it because of Howard Dean. On the record he has an elaborate explanation."

Good thing we cleared that up. John Edwards is going to tell us tonight that Kerry is "decisive" and "strong." I guess decisive in the Democratic Party means "responds to polling data." It meant that in the Clinton White House, too.

The Yankees are Still Evil, but...

It's sad enough that I have to reconcile my Yankee-hatred with the fact that Steinbrenner was (and presumably is) a staunch Republican. But now A-Rod is making max contributions to Bush-Cheney.

Then again, as I am coming to learn, the U.S.A. is the New York Yankees to the rest of the world: we're better than you, richer than you and all you do is whine about it.

More Malaise

You know, it's always nice when someone proves that your opinion of them is correct. But it's getting tiresome to see Jimmy Carter constantly do it.

Judy Woodruff of CNN, whose questions to Democrats are only tough when compared to Katie Couric, held this interview with Carter Monday before he spent the evening making a further joke of himself.

Two points were particularly outrageous. First, Carter threw out this classic:

"I don't look on John Kerry as a so-called liberal. You know, anyone who offers his life to go to war for our country, and is wounded several times, and comes back to speak out fervently in favor of peace when a war is not necessary, I don't look upon as being anyone to criticize as being liberal or overly conservative or whatever."

This is such a load of unadulterated hooey that only a child might believe it. Let me make this simple: if someone joins the U.S. military and fought in Iraq, then came home and advocated conservative policies for 25+ years, including a long conservative voting record in office, then he or she would be a conservative. It doesn't matter for purposes of that label if that person was wounded in service. It doesn't matter for purposes of that label if that person served or not. That person's views on public policy are what they are.

Look at Bob Dole -- he served his country with great honor and was wounded. That doesn't mean that Bob Dole's not a conservative (actually, it's Dole's moderate voting record that might indicate that he's not a conservative, but I digress). Kerry's war service has nothing to do with his status as a liberal, conservative, socialist, whatever. It would be funny... if this wasn't the mantra Democrats have developed on this issue: Kerry served in Vietnam, so don't you dare criticize him!

Carter also fired off the following line:

"We've alienated almost everyone who offered their support after 9/11, and now we have just a handful of little tiny countries supposedly helping us in Iraq."

You know, liberals have repeated this canard for so long they actually may believe it. We're acting "unilaterally" in Iraq. Oh, wait, there are countries helping us. So now the response is "Okay, they're nobodies." Nobodies apparently include Great Britain, Australia and Poland, among others. All just "tiny" nations. Carter's brilliance shows why he hadn't spoken at any convention since 1980.

You know what's really sad? We once elected this man President. I guess they did do a lot of drugs in the 1970's.

Catching the Female KSM

See, now here would be a legit criticism of the Administration's war on terror. Focus on this paragraph:

Government sources tell FederalNewsRadio.com that capturing this woman could be comparable to the arrest of Khalid Sheik Mohammed, the alleged mastermind of 9/11. It was revealed in court Tuesday that she was on a watch list and had entered the U.S. possibly as many as 250 times.

250 times? What, did they want to make sure she racked up a ton frequent flyer miles?

Next Time, Invite Me

This may be the greatest dinner party in the history of mankind. I mean Jennifer Capriati, 4 NHL stars (including acclaimed goon Marty McSorley), the producer of Con Air, and an Oscar-winner known for being over the top -- all brought together in Las Vegas! By itself, that might be the greatest dinner party of all time.

But you add in Alan Thicke... I'm wondering how much they could have made for the TV rights to this dinner.

The Wedding Update

by the world's least dangerous man

This update is brought to you by Ralph Lauren, Perry Ellis... basically every designer of men's formalwear out there. Because they deserve equal time to what I'm saying below.

367 days to go...

So Alli and I driving home the other night from work, on one of the rare days when we drove in together. I made a simple mistake -- I asked about her plans for more wedding dress shopping. Soon thereafter, I learned far more about designers than I ever wanted to know. I only remember the name Christos, and then a couple ones that started with the letter "P", one of which sounded more like the name for a wine. But she literally named about 20 designers in the space of three minutes. She only stopped after I interrupted each of a series of names (mostly male) with the question, "Is he gay?"

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

He Can Do Anything!

You know, I realize that this is the week for puff pieces about John Kerry, and that the press loves to lionize a Democrat. I even read them, mostly for the humor, but also attempting to learn more about the guy I spend my spare time ripping to shreds (yes, it is fun, thank you very much).

But here's my biggest beef -- can we get some intelligent writing about the guy? This short article from the Chicago Sun-Times proves my point. Apparently, Kerry is a "modern-day Renaissance man" because he can "play bass guitar in a rock band... ride a motorcycle on 'The Tonight Show,'... snowboard and ski and cycle and shoot. And, lest we forget, ... campaign for the nation's highest office while simultaneously tending to senatorial duties."

Leave aside for the moment that Kerry hasn't come anywhere close to fulfilling his Senatorial duties -- I think Orrin Hatch's dog has cast more votes than Kerry this year. Also ignore the fact that it repeats the stupid Kerry line about hunting that I noted earlier. According to this writer, because Kerry can afford several hobbies and he went to Yale, he qualifies as a Renaissance Man. Hey, I wish I married a billionaire heiress so I could spend my spare time snowboarding and cycling. Never mind that just about anyone in America would happily ride a motorcycle onto the Tonight Show set, if only to ram into Leno's chin and see if it could stop the bike.

Nothing personal, but I always thought Renaissance Men should be held to higher standards. But hey, who am I to argue with this genius? He provides examples of other gifted individuals who should share this distinction: Leonadro da Vinci, Benjamin Franklin, and.... P-Diddy.

Yes, you read that right. In a list of "History's Great Polymaths," this esteemed member of the press seeks to have Kerry placed in the same company as history's great minds... and then inexplicably includes a man who once dated J-Lo on the list.

But hey, Kerry's got it all over Franklin and P-Diddy. Neither of them served in Vietnam (we're not so sure about da Vinci; records from that era are spotty at best). Maybe after running for President, Kerry will go fly a kite. Or date J-Lo -- she should be available by then.

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

Sorry for missing yesterday -- I was still trying to recover from the shock of hearing Hillary Clinton introduce her husband (they're still married, right?) on Monday as "the last great Democratic President." I won't even quibble with the assessment (hey, Harry Truman's friends can stand up on their own), but I have only one request: can she really guarantee he'll be the final one?

Jokes aside, we've got this quick snippet from Mickey Kaus at Slate, whose blog is very funny and usually pretty good, especially for someone who leans left. Kaus notes the following conversation between a delegate and a cabbie:

Passenger: "Fleet Center, please."

Boston cab driver (an immigrant): "You like John Kerry, eh?"

Passenger: "Well, I'm a Democrat but I don't really like Kerry that much."

Cab driver: "I hear that all day. All day. 'I don't like Kerry.' Why you pick him if you don't like him?"

You know, if you substitute "Gore" for "Kerry" and whereever they held the 2000 Convention for the Fleet Center, that conversation may not have changed in the least.

Then, we have the Senator himself, as quoted and then dissected by the always brilliant Mark Steyn:

[Kerry] was in Wisconsin the other day, pretending to be a regular guy, and was asked what kind of hunting he preferred. "I'd have to say deer," said the senator. "I go out with my trusty 12-gauge double-barrel, crawl around on my stomach... That's hunting."

This caused huge hilarity among my New Hampshire neighbours. None of us has ever heard of anybody deer hunting by crawling around on his stomach, even in Massachusetts. The trick is to blend in with the woods and, given that John Kerry already looks like a forlorn tree in late fall, it's hard to see why he'd give up his natural advantage in order to hunt horizontally.

Possibly his weird Vietnam nostalgia is getting out of control. Still, if I come across a guy in the woods in deer season inching through the undergrowth with a mouthful of bear scat, at least I'll know who it is.

Conversely, if you're a 14-point buck and get shot in the toe this autumn, you'll know who to sue.

Maybe the shot deer could hire John Edwards. I'm guessing he'll be available by wintertime, and he's always willing to work for a buck.

Revenge of the XFL

The Next Big Thing gets a shot in the NFL. I'd say this is a cheap publicity stunt, except that:

(a) Lesnar is a freaking beast,
(b) He ran a 4.75 40, which is amazing for a guy who weighs nearly 290, and
(c) Would you want to aggravate a man who's that big?

Personally, I'm looking forward to the first time he hits a QB over the head with a steel chair.

News From Springfield

Featured Instigator Kevin Downing sends along the stunning news that a Simpsons character is coming out of the closet. I personally think they should have Mike Piazza in as a guest for the episode in question.

What's offensive about the article in question is that we get a freaking Seinfeld tagline ("Not that there's anything wrong with that") as a catchphrase. No one thought to pull out this immortal discussion:

Marge: "I'm very sorry you feel that way, because John invited us all out for a drive today, and we're going."

Homer: Wo-ho-ho, not me! And not because John's gay, but because he's a sneak. He should at least have the good taste to mince around and let everyone know that he's... that way."

Marge: "What on Earth are you talking about?"

Homer: "You know me, Marge. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming."

I'm really hoping Vegas publishes odds on this. I'm reasonably certain that it won't be Milhouse. But it should be.

The Sports Rant

by the world's biggest Eagles fan (who writes on this blog, anyway)

The Eagles have eight picks signed, 2 to go. Of course, they seem to want to make me suffer, since the two picks left to sign are the top two picks they made. Rookie camp begins tomorrow.

But on the plus side, the retirement of Ricky Williams means the second round pick we got for A.J. Feely will probably be better than expected. Then again, who knows if he'll sign?

Dutch, This is When We Really Miss You

Anyone who really knows me knows my true opinion of Jimmy Carter. At best, he's a naive idiot. At worst, he's a moral coward and treasonous charlatan. It only makes sense that he appears on-stage in prime time at the DNC.

Last night, I was treated to the fascinating spectacle of Carter lecturing George W. Bush on how to conduct foreign policy. James Earl Carter, the 39th President of the United States, the man who couldn't stand up to Iran, whose most effective foreign policy tool was boycotting the Olympics, whose only shining moment in foreign policy (the Camp David Peace Accord) ultimately has meant little to peace in the Middle East... he's lecturing someone else on foreign policy????

I'm going to avoid trying to find Jimmy Carter's substantive reasons for voting for John Kerry -- mostly because I couldn't find any, save for the fact that Kerry served in Vietnam. But here's the part of the speech that amused and appalled me the most:

"In the meantime, the Middle East peace process has come to a screeching halt for the first time since Israel became a nation. All former presidents, Democratic and Republican, have attempted to secure a comprehensive peace for Israel with hope and justice for the Palestinians. The achievements of Camp David a quarter century ago and the more recent progress made by President Bill Clinton are now in peril.

Instead, violence has gripped the Holy Land, with the region increasingly swept by anti-American passions. Elsewhere, North Korea’s nuclear menace—a threat far more real and immediate than any posed by Saddam Hussein—has been allowed to advance unheeded, with potentially ominous consequences for peace and stability in Northeast Asia. These are some of the prices of our government’s radical departure from the basic American principles and values espoused by John Kerry!"

The only sentance in those two paragraphs with any shred of truth is the second one.

The mideast peace process stops and starts at least three times a decade. Mostly this is because one side is attempting to secure peace, while the other side is attempting to secure the destruction of its enemy. We'll let you decide which side is which.

The achievements of Camp David are in peril? They have always been in peril, in that Isreal is still in peril. But the Camp David Accord ended the state of war between Isreal and Egypt, and Isreal returned land to Egypt. Last I checked, the Egyptians still have the Sinai Peninsula, and Isreal and Egypt are no longer at war. As for Clinton's "accomplishments"... what did they accomplish, exactly? They brought Arafat back to the Wast Bank and Gaza, let him start a new uprising, and had him turn down a peace deal better than anything else Isreal could have offered. When Clinton left office, the violence had started full-tilt.

As for anti-American passions in the Holy Land, I think the Isrealis still love us. As for the Palestinians, anyone remember the celebrations after 9/11? I don't think Bush had done anything worthy of blame at that point, Jimmy, unless the Palestinians were offended by Florida 2000.

I can barely dignify Carter's idiotic rip of Bush for not handling North Korea correctly. Carter effectively handcuffed Clinton in 1994, leading to the "Agreed Framework" that North Korea promptly violated. But Carter got to kiss Kim Jong Il, and provided U.S. intelligence with this brilliant assessment on the North Koreans: "I don’t see that they are an outlaw nation." Maybe if they committed an environmental violation, they might qualify as outlaws.

Finally, Carter may think John Kerry espouses American values. But this is the man who once called Kim Il Sung "vigorous" and "intelligent." The man who referred to Yugoslavian dictator Tito as "a man who believes in human rights." The same man who praised Romanian tyrant Nicolai Ceausescu, Syria's murderous Hafez Assad, Ethiopian killer Mengitsu and Nicaraguen strongman Daniel Ortega. If John Kerry's looking for a charcter reference, maybe he should go somewhere else.

In fact, the whole time Carter was on-screen, acting like the boob that he is, I was struck with the hope that someone would take the time to just play one, simple line from Dutch... "There you go again."

But Dutch was an optimist. He wouldn't be hanging out with this crew.

Maybe She Thinks He's Got the Same Acting Skills as Hayden Christenson

Yet another reason not to see the next Star Wars movie.

Oh, who am I kidding? On the 1,000-1 chance Lucas rediscovers his brain, I know I'll go see it. But "Revenge of the Sith" ain't exactly an awe-inspiring name.

Go Suck An Egg, Orioles

I wholeheartedly endorse Tom Friend's screed against the efforts by the Baltimore Orioles to prevent DC from gaining the Montreal Expos. If there's one thing I need, it's another bad DC area sports team to abuse.

Jokes aside, is there anything more pathetic than baseball's inability to re-locate the Expos? The integrity of the game is such an issue that they leave Pete Rose suspended indefinitely, but no one cares about the fact that Major League Baseball is operating one of the franchises itself, which basically allows owners of competing teams to influence every decision the Expos make. We won't even get into the integrity issue of Bud Selig serving as commissioner while he still basically owns the Brewers (right, his daughter owns them).

Someone Will Be Fired For This Photo

John Kerry at the Kennedy Space Center, contrasted with his former boss riding in a tank. What's truly scary is that someone thought that each of these pictures was a good idea at the time.

Also, Kerry spoke at the Space Center... and never once mentioned NASA. For all we know, he spoke about his health care plan. Or maybe he unveiled the shocking news that he served in Vietnam.

Shocker!

The New York Times admits that is liberal, in a piece by public editor Daniel Okrent. I'm having trouble containing my laughter -- this is news?

Jokes aside, Okrent does a terrific breakdown of the gay marriage coverage by the Times. Interesting, to say the least.

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

It would be so easy to stand back and just pick and choose from stupid comments that are almost a fait accompli from the DNC this week. But then, we'd be ignoring the candidate himself, and we're out to make sure he gets to know as many people as possible, what with that award-winning personality of his.

Jokes aside, Kerry's committed his most serious campaign gaffe to date. One of the great blunders, if you will. And not the one about land wars in Asia.

No, he's decided to venture into the world of sports. And that's a world (some would say the only world) where I'm an expert.

Hey, Kerry can go windsurfing and skiing all he wants, and I hear he was a pretty fair hockey player. But if he's going to talk about sports, he needs to figure out that he can't fake his way through it, unlike the rest of his campaign. Instead, he did an interview with ESPN the Magazine.

I can't link to it, but feel free to buy the Mag if you like, or contact me for a password to access the site and find the article. It's beyond funny, it's borderline blasphemy.

First, Kerry gets asked if Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame. This is a personal issue for the Philly sports fan in me, but it's also one of the great sports debates of the century. Kerry's response is "doubtful." He can't even give a yes or no on this one?

Next, we have his complaint that the BCS performed like "Florida in 2000." Um, Florida gave us a clear-cut winner. Give the state some credit.

Later, he names his greatest sports movies of all time. He gets credit for mentioning Slapshot, and Chariots of Fire is definitely worthy, if a tad high-brow. Somehow, no mention of Rocky. Fine, he's a Boston guy, probably forgot about it. No mention of Caddyshack, either. But I won't even dignify his inclusion of Waterboy while omitting The Natural and Field of Dreams.

And let's not forget -- he doesn't want to pay college athletes. Why? It "would ruin it" and these are "better sports" without the athletes being paid. That's nice. Glad to see he can turn off the empathy for college athletes being led around by the nose by the NCAA.

But my favorite response is when Kerry gets asked whom he would have named as the Greatest Athlete of the 20th Century. No Jordan, or Ali, or Ruth or even the God of Hockey, Wayne Gretzky. No, Kerry has to be different. He picks an American cyclist who won the Tour de France. No, not Lance Armstrong -- remember, Lance had only won one of these things before the last century ended. Besides, as Kerry points out, he's from Texas. No, Kerry picks Greg LeMond. Yup, that's right -- the guy with the French surname.

Oh, one other thing. The author, Peter Keating, notes that "even the most casual sports question can trigger answers from Kerry about his combat experience." Get out! Kerry has combat experience? Where and when? Wait -- here's the answer, from Kerry himself: "When I went to Vietnam, I'd learned as much on the playing fields about how to fight as I did in any other way." Kerry served in Vietnam? Why doesn't he mention this more?