Friday, October 29, 2004

Turdboy Returns to the Air

I keep thinking that while we're subjected to videotapes by Osama, he's being subjected to videotapes of South Park's episode where Cartman gets Osama to make out with a camel.

So Osama's released a video. The money on this is that it probably helps Bush if it does anything, but I doubt it does anything. 10 personal observations:

1. Osama rips the Patriot Act. Now it's definitely going to get re-authorized.

2. Osama's reference to a child "discussing her goat and its ramming" means he's been watching Michael Moore's flick. I wonder if Osama will support an Oscar nomination for Moore.

3. I'm guessing Osama wanted to explicitly endorse Kerry, but he wasn't sure if he could under McCain-Feingold. (hat tip to NRO)

4. Osama thinks there were 50,000 people in the "two towers." Unless he's been watching some unedited director's footage of Lord of the Rings, I think his numbers are wrong. Maybe he's getting that estimate from the people who count the numbers at Kerry campaign rallies.

5. Osama's accusing Bush of misleading the American people. Maybe Kerry should cry plagarism.

6. I'm betting Osama wanted to also respond to the Swift Boat Vets, but ran out of time.

7. When the President wins on Tuesday, will the Democrats blame the videotape?

8. Maybe Dan Rather will unveil a typewritten note from bin Laden warning Bush about 9/11 on Sunday.

9. The Kerry camp's talking points on this will be that Bush should have killed Osama at Tora Bora. Glad to know he's not questioning the commanders in the field, the soldiers themselves, or trying to micro-manage anything. You think after maligning the military this week regaridng Al-Quaqua and now ripping them for missing OBL at Tora Bora, Kerry's given up on the military vote?

10. Jokes aside... in Spain OBL and his sick bastard supporters killed folks in order to affect their election. Here, he's trying to release a videotape to affect ours. I'd say our guys have done a pretty good job keeping us safe by comparision.

Better Late than Nev... Well, Maybe Not When It's This Late

A Scottish town decided to grant pardons to several people who were accused of witchcraft. Too bad they were all executed about three hundred years ago...

Accused witches -- and their cats -- executed during a wave of hysteria and religious ferment centuries ago will be pardoned on Halloween in this Scottish township.

"There'll be no witches' hats, dress-ups or that sort of thing -- it will be a fairly solemn occasion," Adele Conn, spokeswoman for the baronial court that granted the pardons, said by telephone interview Friday.

Sunday's ceremony will publicly declare pardons for 81 local people executed in the 16th and 17th centuries for being witches. The pardons have been granted under ancient feudal powers due to be abolished within weeks.

More than 3,500 Scots, mainly woman and children, and their cats were killed in witch hunts at a time of political intrigue and religious ferment. Many were condemned on flimsy evidence, such as owning a black cat or brewing homemade remedies.

Prestonpans region had recorded one of the largest numbers of witch executions in all of Scotland, said Conn, who is the "mountjoye," or official spokeswoman, for the Barons Courts of Prestoungrange & Dolphinstoun.

She said Gordon Prestoungrange, the 14th baron, granted the pardons for the convictions in the last session of his court, which is due to be abolished on November 28.

"'Most of those persons condemned for witchcraft within the jurisdiction of the Baron Courts of Prestoungrange and Dolphinstoun were convicted on the basis of spectral evidence -- that is to say, prosecuting witnesses declared that they felt the presence of evil sprits or heard spirit voices,"' the court said in its written findings.

"Such spectral evidence is impossible to prove or to disprove; nor is it possible for the accused to cross-examine the spirit concerned. One is convicted upon the very making of such charges without any possibility of offering a defense."

The court declared an absolute pardon to all those convicted, "as well as to the cats concerned."
Yeah, I'll bet the cats are relieved.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

Man, Ketchup Boy can't catch a break. Even when his supposedly favorite team wins the World Series, their pitching ace takes a shot at him. Check out Powerline...

I've always been an admirer of Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling. In this year's postseason, he added to his longstanding reputation as a fearless competitor by pitching, very effectively, with a dislocated tendon in his right ankle--an injury that left his ankle soaked in blood as the game progressed.

I was glad to learn that even though John Kerry has tried to associate himself with the Red Sox, Schilling is no Kerry fan. This exchange was on Good Morning America:

GIBSON: "Well, well said, Curt and Shonda. You both have certainly lifelong membership now in the Red Sox nation. It was a great thing to watch, and I think everybody – whether they were great Red Sox fans or not -- had to admire what this team did. It was extraordinary, and one of the great stories of sport. And sport always produces such great stories. Curt, Shonda, great to have you with us. Congratulations."

SCHILLING: "And make sure you tell everybody to vote, and vote Bush next week."
Best of all, Curt will be campaigning with Bush on Friday in New Hampshire. As usual, Curt is a former Phillie, which tells you all you need to know about my hometown baseball team -- they trade guys like this away.

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Nice Analysis

I'm pretty sick of polls at this point, because I'm reasonably certain the polls mean very little. I think most people have made up their minds, a good number (at least 10%) have already voted early, and the only people who would have the time to answer polls at this point are the sorts of people whom I wouldn't trust to pick up my groceries, let alone select the Commander-in-Chief for the next four years.

But this guy actually took some time to do some analysis that's worth reading, about the canard that undecideds break for the challenger. I have no idea if there's a counter to this analysis, but at least he took the time to examine the empirical evidence. It's worth a read.

In addition, Mark Nelson points out Larry Sabato's site, which is usually very down-the-middle in most respects, but also allows you to play around with the electoral vote count as much as possible.


It Really Was A Sign of the Apocolypse

Tom Maguire points out that the last time the Red Sox won the World Series, the world suffered through a massive flu pandemic. As he notes, this article from Moscow speculates that it may happen again, and it may be worse...

The world is on the brink of a major flu epidemic — one that could claim more than a billion lives, the head of the Russian Virology Institute, Academician Dmitry Lvov said at a press conference organized by the RIA-Novosti news agency on Thursday.

“Up to one billion people could die around the whole world in six months,” Lvov said. The expert did not give a timeframe for the epidemic, but said that it is highly probable that it will start this year. “We are half a step away from a worldwide pandemic catastrophe,” the academic said.

The Russian expert said that U.S. researchers possessed data suggesting that if a pandemic hits, up to 700,000 people will fall ill in the United States. He said that the population of the United States can be roughly compared to that of Russia and thus the number of cases will be approximately the same.

The academician said the pandemic was most likely to be caused by the so-called bird flu stem. “The death rate among those who contract this type of flu reaches 70 percent,” Lvov said.
If this thing shows up and kills me, I plan to place my own curse on the Red Sox.

I Wonder If Kerry's Health Care Plan Would Cover This

Hysterical...
Doctors are blaming a rare electrical imbalance in the brain for the bizarre death of a blogger whose head literally exploded in the final week of the election!

No one else was hurt in the fatal explosion but a small room at the blogger's residence was sprayed with blood and brain matter when Gerard Van der Leun's head suddenly blew apart. Experts say he suffered from a condition called Hyper-Cerebral Blogosis or HCB .

"He was deep in concentration with his eyes focused on the screen and his fingers frozen over the keyboard," said Laguna Beach early responder, Miguel Wilsonista. "He seems to have hit 'Post' for what had to be the 3,456,856th item of inept political photoshopping this year when the blast occurred.


Well, I know what's in my future now.

The Bloggers Get Results

One day after guest-blogger Ann Althouse wrote at Instapundit about an outrageous little get-out-the-vote effort that utilized public school kids, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports that the program is toast...

Milwaukee Public Schools Superintendent William Andrekopoulos late Wednesday ordered all principals in his district to suspend any community canvassing by students, including the distribution of election literature.

The move came after consultation with the city attorney following a day in which the district had received dozens of calls from people criticizing its involvement in a get-out-the-vote effort during school hours by hundreds of children, some as young as 11. The students' participation in the program was reported Wednesday in the Journal Sentinel.

The program was administered at 33 MPS schools in conjunction with Wisconsin Citizen Action Fund, a group whose parent organization has endorsed Sen. John Kerry for president. The project also includes three high schools in Madison and a high school in Racine.

"There were too many variables associated with canvassing for the district to manage," said Roseann St. Aubin, MPS communications director. "The administration felt it had to take action to avoid the appearance of any impropriety."

Larry Marx, co-executive director of Wisconsin Citizen Action and Wisconsin Citizen Action Fund, called the superintendent's decision "extremely unfortunate."

"The students are bearing the brunt of a decision based on political pressure that is being brought on the district," Marx said. "This is a project that the district should be proud of. It is outrageous that partisan pressure is brought to bear that is making kids suffer."

No, Mr. Marx (man, that name is... well, extremely coincidental), it's not okay. First of all, sending the kids out of the classroom to traipse around town doesn't further education in civics. Second, having a group that openly endorses John Kerry running the program and deciding where the canvassing efforts take place means suspicion is appropriate.

Man, November 2nd can't come fast enough.

Another Reason to Hate Kathy Lee

Now that the Curse of the Bambino has been lifted off the backs of the Red Sox, it turns out ESPN has taken the time to name the other big curses in sports for teams without a recent title. My beloved Iggles come in at #4, bearing the Curse of Frank Gifford, based on the time Chuck Bednarik nearly decapitated him when Prettyboy Gifford was a running back for the Giants (having seen the hit on the new Eagles History DVD, I think Gifford's a wimp). The name for this curse is so stupid, it's guaranteed to come to an end this January.

Congrats to the Boston fans, and here's hoping they'll be okay when the Eagles de-throne the Patriots in the Super Bowl.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

Man, that get out the vote effort in Nevada had some inspiring success for the Condiment King. Gotta love this tale...

It wasn't the most successful get-out-the-vote effort in history, but it meant a lot to Las Vegas Democrat Cloma Williams.

She was one of about 30 people who were shuttled directly from Tuesday's rally for John Kerry to an early voting site at the Boulevard Mall in buses provided by the Kerry campaign.

"I wanted to get the vote behind me," Williams, 69, said as she emerged from the polls with a small smile. "You never know what's going to happen in a day. I could die. I want my vote to count even if I'm not here anymore."

A line of six buses waited to shuttle Kerry supporters to early voting sites as the rally at Jaycees Park ended. In the end, only two of the buses were needed to carry voters to the polls.

Volunteers for the Kerry campaign said many people they talked to had already voted or didn't have time to ride the bus to the mall, cast their ballots and ride the bus back to the park.


Jeez, I wonder why people didn't have time to fill up the buses. Maybe they were busy working, even with this terrible economy and all.

And how small were these buses? They needed to fit 30 people into two buses? How come they couldn't fit into one?


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The NFL Recap, Week Seven

I do these at work as part of my duties as Sports Czar, so why not share with the greater public?

Well, it’s finally come to this.

For four years now, we’ve done these updates. Most of the time, one or two people have read them, possibly out of pity, or on the off-chance they were suffering from insomnia. But we’ve never come up with a format guaranteed to aggravate everyone.

Until today. Last night, I found this transcript -- I don't know if it's accurate, but Dan Rather thinks it is...

We now present this week’s recap through the eyes of Sen. John Kerry and President George W. Bush, in a meeting which was held Saturday night in an undisclosed location (OUCH! Stop with the electroshock, Mr. Ashcroft! I swear – I won’t give away the location!). The audience consists of the football fans of America, all of whom are undecided as to whether they will vote on Tuesday, November 2nd, or simply sit at home on the couch, eating Cheetos and watching re-runs of the Jaguars-Broncos 1997 playoff game on the NFL Network.

Here’s the transcript:


Chris Berman: “Welcome, football fans! I’m your moderator, Chris Berman. Coming to you live from the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field… OUCH! Stop it, Mr. Attorney General!”

Senator Kerry (delicately attempting to eat a brat): “I believe it’s Lambert Field, Chris.”

President Bush (wearing cheesehead): “See, look at that. People think I’m dumb, but even I know the correcterific name is Lambeau Field.”

Berman: “So what did you think of this weekend’s games?”

Senator Kerry (waving a Bengals towel): “Well, I in particular found it heartening to watch those wonderful Bengals, from the great swing state of Ohio, win a huge game on Monday night against one of my favorite teams, the Denver Broncos, from the great state of Colorado. You know, Chris, the Broncos and Bengals were both part of the great American Football League…”

President Bush (still struggling to take off cheesehead): “There he goes again, flip-flopping. Now he’s calling the Bengalis winners, after he spent the 90’s calling them losers. Heck, he was calling them losers last week.”

Senator Kerry (now wearing an orange Browns jersey): “That’s a gross mischaracterization of my position on the Bengals, which is far more nuanced. In fact, it’s much like my position on the Browns, who lost an overtime heartbreaker to the Philadelphia Eagles, the best unbeaten team in pro football today. The Browns are an excellent team, named of course for Paul Brown, who also founded the Bengals. The Browns used an excellent gameplan to run the ball against the Eagles, similar to the excellent plan I have for America…”

President Bush (now wearing an Eagles jacket): “Nice jersey, Senator. It matches your tan. Look, Chris, that was another flip-flop. Last week, he was calling the New England Patriots the best team in football, and now he’s flip-flopping to appeal to the folks in Philly. You can’t have indecisive leadership in the White House on football issues, my fellow Americans. Indecisive leadership means you’re not prepared when things go wrong. Look at the Chicago Bears – they didn’t prepare in case their starting quarterback went down. Now, they’re losin’ 19-7 to the Bucs – a fine team from a fine town – because they’re stuck starting some nobody named Jonathan Quinnipiac at quarterback.”

Berman: “Um, that’s Jonathan Quinn, Mr. President. Quinnipiac is a University. I think they conduct some polls, which is why they’re on your mind.”

President Bush (now wearing a K.C. Chiefs sweater): “Of course, the Poles are on my mind, Chris, just like all the brave coalition soldiers in Iraq. My opponent denigrates the Poles, but they’re our brothers-in-arms. People were denigrating the Kansas City Chiefs for weeks, but they just whooped up on the Atlanta Falcons 56-10. The problem with the Falcons is similarity to my opponent. Mike Vick’s trying to be something’s he not, just like Senator Kerry over there.”

Senator Kerry (wearing an oversized novelty “We’re Number One” Dolphins hand): “I’ve never changed my opinion on anything, Chris. Never. Unlike the President, I understand that it’s possible to change your mind, but not really change it, if you know what I mean. That’s what I learned during the adversity of my youth, when I only had two vacation houses. Look at the Miami Dolphins and how they fought through adversity – last week, everyone believed they were the worst team in football, now they’re winning against one of the finest franchises in one of the finest towns in one of the finest swing states in America.”

President Bush (wearing the cheesehead again): “They beat the Texans?”

Senator Kerry: “See, that’s what I mean about being misinformed – he didn’t even know who the Dolphins were playing. They beat St. Louis, in one of the biggest upsets of the year. Maybe if our intelligence services were reformed, you would know that. Or that the Colts got upset by the Jaguars, in another huge upset. The Jaguars are now in first place, in case you didn’t know. You were probably off choking on a pretzel.”

President Bush (now wearing Texas Rangers jacket): “Don’t lecture me about football – I’ve seen you tryin’ to throw the football on the tarmac during the campaign, and it’s not a pretty sight. I also know the state of Florida went 3-0 in pro football this weekend, while also ditching Ron Zook, similar to the way your party will ditch you on November 3rd. And I did watch the Colts upset, but I’d say the bigger upset was the Lions beating the New York Giants in New York. Bad weekend for New Yorkers in football. Sports altogether, really. I mean, look at the Yankees. My buddy George Steinbrenner wanted to fire everybody, but I calmed him down and explained that we need to create jobs, not end them.”

Berman: “Mr. President, if I could interject, why the Rangers jacket? This is a football discussion, not baseball.”

President Bush, with a hard stare: “Don’t mess with Texas, Chris.”

Senator Kerry (wearing Patriots jersey): “I’d like to get back to the President’s earlier statement. Yes, it was a bad weekend for New Yorkers in football, and we all know that’s the President’s fault. Well, his fault and that of the New England Patriots, the best football team anywhere, who beat the Jets 13-7. The New York teams are clearly hampered by inadequate funding, something I will remedy if elected President. I’ll follow the plan of the Minnesota Vikings, the best team in football, who moved to 5-1 with a 20-3 win over Tennessee.”

President Bush (fiddling with his earpiece): “Hold on, Karl.” (looks around, realizes it’s his turn) “Oh, wait, sorry, Chris. Look, my opponent just flip-flopped in the middle of that statement. First one team’s the best in football, now it’s another. At the beginning of the season, the Senator was probably singing the praises of Carolina, which was the defending NFC champion. Now they’re 1-5, and just lost to the Chargers. A few weeks back, he probably thought Seattle was the best team and now they’re 3-3 and doing diddly. They just lost to the Cardinals, for cryin’ out loud. But Senator Kerry keeps flip-flopping. That’s not strong leadership, Chris. Fans won’t have any idea who they should supportise.”

Senator Kerry (holding Ravens cap in his hand): “It’s the President’s leadership that has failed, Chris. I model my leadership after men like Brian Billick, who led the Ravens to another win, this time over Buffalo. It even featured an interception return for a TD by Deion Sanders, which used to happen all the time when Bill Clinton was President. The fact that Deion hasn’t been scoring touchdowns for the last four years is just another example of the failure of this President. He’s going down, just like his beloved Dallas Cowboys lost to the Packers here at Lambert Field this week.”

Berman: “Um, Senator Kerry… why won’t you put that cap on your head, sir?”

Theresa Heinz-Kerry, from audience: “Don’t you dare damage that hair!”

Senator Kerry: “I’ll bet you don’t even know what game we haven’t covered yet.”

President Bush, scowling: “Of course, I know.” (looks into audience, where Dick Cheney holds up a sign) “The Saints beat the Raiders. Just like my tax cuts beat back the recession. And just like Dick Cheney and I plan on beating you and your running mate, whatshisname.”

Senator Kerry: “I’m not shocked you forgot his name. You forget to do your duty when you were young, unlike I, who served in Vietnam. It’s Senator John Edwards – that’s my running mate’s name.”

President Bush: “Are you sure you haven’t changed your mind and replaced him? You could still flip-flop… hey, wait a second! You served in Vietnam? I didn’t know that! You should publicize that!”

Senator Kerry: “Draft-dodger.”

President Bush: “Botox Boy.”

Berman, cutting off both candidates: “Um, that’s enough for us, folks. I’d like to thank Anonymous, who is responsible for the content of this message, and should be the one blamed for anything anyone finds offensive.”
Well, that should help everyone make up their mind next week.

This About Sums It Up

I think this story should put to rest any thoughts of election fraud taking place...

Susan Tully, the Midwest field director for the Federation for American Immigration Reform (FAIR), says she became concerned about possible voter fraud in the Badger State when an admitted illegal alien suddenly was named a deputy registrar of voters in Racine, Wisconsin. Tully says a year earlier, the woman's picture appeared on the front page of a local newspaper showing her protesting and complaining that she had been fired from her job -- and admitting she was an illegal alien. Things apparently changed over the ensuing months.

"In July, here she was on the front page of the same local newspaper, saying she's a deputy registrar of voters. How could an illegal alien go from [that] status...to a deputy registrar of voters in less than a year?" Tully wonders.


You know, we really do love in an amazing country. One minute, you're an illegal alien. The next minute, you're registering voters. Sheesh.

Arafat Bites the Dust?

First Castro collapses, now Arafat is having health problems. Kim Jong-Il is probably wondering if someone's got a voodoo doll.

Powerline may have the best take on this...
It strikes me that Arafat's demise could only be a good thing. Not because his successor, or successors, couldn't possibly be worse; in some ways, they probably could. Rather, because Arafat's political persona--his receipt of the Nobel Peace Prize, his being feted by liberals on several continents, his status as Bill Clinton's most frequent house guest, his popularity in France, where his stylish wife resides--tends to mask the reality of his uninterrupted career as a terrorist, and to cast a certain confusion over the whole Arab-Israeli conflict.

Arafat's demise will probably lead to all sorts of pronouncements about how wonderful he was. Then again, we'll probably get the same thing when Castro bites it as well.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

Let's stay in the sports world and honor the Red Sox, Senator Condiment's favorite team. Turns out he even lies about them...

John Kerry has spoken many times of his agonized presence at Game 6 of the 1986 World Series:

"I was 30 yards away from Billy Buckner in that famous Shea Stadium game in '86." (Cite:
ESPN Page 2)

"Talking baseball on the plane, he reminisced, "I was at Shea Stadium, 30 yards from Bill Buckner," recalling the error that many consider cost the Sox the 1986 World Series." (Cite: "Sox Detour for Kerry", New York Daily News, 7/26/2004)

"The Bay State senator says he....watched in anguish as the ball rolled through Bill Buckner's legs in the 1986 Series against the Mets." (Cite: "Bogus Bosox Fan", New York Post, 9/19/2004)

"I was about 30 yards away from Billy Buckner when that ball wiggled away" (Cite: Kerry tries to rejuvenate his campaign, USA Today 11/24/2003)

Game 6 of the 1986 World Series was held in New York City, on the evening of October 25, 1986.

According to the Boston Globe, John Kerry was at a banquet in Boston on the evening of October 25, 1986.

The site notes that Kerry was probably at Game Seven. But what kind of fan confuses Game Six with Game Seven?

Back... and to the Left

Our next-door neighbor, a St. Louis native, informs us that there's a counter to the Curse of the Bambino, that is killing the Cardinals...

The Cardinals have walked 14 Red Sox batsmen, plunked three others and put runners on the bases like they were making donations in the Sunday basket. The Red Sox have plated 17 base runners in the Series, while stranding 21 base runners. They have had more opportunities than Tony Danza.

It's not like our boys. We have been missing location, missing bases, missing in action. Boston was nothing but bad weather, bad hotels and bad karma.

It's the curse, I tell you, the Curse of Keith Hernandez.

This franchise has not won a world championship since it dealt Hernandez to the New York Mets for Neil Allen and Rick Owenby on June 15, 1983, just months after winning the 1982 World Series. Tangibly speaking, that trade didn't go well for our side. The hard-throwing Allen was a bust in St. Louis, first as a reliever and then as a starter. After three seasons, and a 20-16 record, he was sold to the Yankees.

Hernandez, who was a National League MVP and batting champion for the Cardinals in 1979, became a cornerstone for the Pond Scum. He set a major league record for game-winning runs batted in (24) in 1985. He helped guide the Mets to a world championship in 1986.

The "Curse of Keith" worked against the Red Sox in that one. Boston was on the verge of a World Series title in the 10th inning of Game 6, two outs, nobody on, when the Mets rallied for a 6-5 victory. Hernandez was criticized later when it was discovered he already had retreated to the Mets clubhouse to drink a beer when the improbable uprising occurred.

What actually took place is perfectly clear now. At precisely the time Hernandez pulled the tab on a cold Budweiser, Mookie Wilson's ground ball eluded the otherwise sure-fielding Bill Buckner and the series turned around.

Coincidence? C'mon.

Since trading Hernandez, the Cardinals have had two previous World Series chances to add to their nine world championships. They lost both times under extenuating circumstances. In 1985, the Cardinals lost their base-stealing catalyst Vince Coleman to injury when he got his leg caught under the mechanized tarp at the stadium. Weird.

Still, the Cardinals were about to close out the Kansas City Royals in the "I-70 Series" when umpire Don Denkinger blew the call on Jorge Orta. Once again, the crucial, series-turning play developed at first base, Hernandez's old post. Happenstance? Me thinks not.

In the 1987 World Series, the Cardinals made it back to the World Series against the Minnesota Twins. But again, their chances were diminished when they lost slugging first baseman Jack Clark to injury. The club still managed to win three in a row at Busch Stadium and went back to Minnesota with a 3-2 lead, one victory away. But the Twins won Game 6 behind a grand slam by Kent Hrbek, who just happened to be a first baseman with the initials "K.H."

The Cardinals then lost Game 7 as well. The pitcher who saved the game, Jeff Reardon, was a teammate of Hernandez's in New York, probably popped a beer with him at one point or another.
Personally, I think Hernandez's entire aura was gone after he failed to score with Elaine during that two-part appearance on Seinfeld.

October Surprise -- Kerry's Latest Lie

Well, the headline doesn't do it justice.

Let's start with yesterday's report regarding the missing explosives in Iraq, courtesy of the left-wing dishrag. Front page stuff, apparently. It's such a big story that the Kerry campaign rushed out an ad in response.

Of course, NBC News (no right-wing news outlet there) managed to debunk the story, in a report by Jim Miklaszewski...
“April 10, 2003, only three weeks into the war, NBC News was embedded with troops from the Army's 101st Airborne as they temporarily take over the Al Qakaa weapons installation south of Baghdad. But these troops never found the nearly 380 tons of some of the most powerful conventional explosives, called HMX and RDX, which is now missing. The U.S. troops did find large stockpiles of more conventional weapons, but no HMX or RDX, so powerful less than a pound brought down Pan Am 103 in 1988, and can be used to trigger a nuclear weapon. In a letter this month, the Iraqi interim government told the International Atomic Energy Agency the high explosives were lost to theft and looting due to lack of security. Critics claim there were simply not enough U.S. troops to guard hundreds of weapons stockpiles, weapons now being used by insurgents and terrorists to wage a guerrilla war in Iraq.” (NBC’s “Nightly News,” 10/25/04)
Oh, wait, the IAEA is claiming NBC's report is wrong...
Mohamed ElBaradei, head of the IAEA, told the U.N. Security Council that the IAEA had kept the theft quiet since learning of it from Iraqi authorities Oct. 10 to give the U.S.-led multinational force and Iraq’s interim government “an opportunity to attempt to recover the explosives before this matter was put into the public domain.”

But since the disappearance was reported Monday by The New York Times, he said, he wanted the Security Council to have the letter that he received from Mohammed J. Abbas, a senior official at Iraq’s Ministry of Science and Technology, reporting the theft of the explosives.

The materials were lost through “the theft and looting of the governmental installations due to lack of security,” the letter said.

The letter informed the IAEA that since Sept. 4, 2003, looting at Al-Qaqaa had resulted in the loss of 214.67 tons of HMX, 155.68 tons of RDX and 6.39 tons of PETN explosives. It was not clear how Iraqi authorities arrived at that date.

ElBaradei’s cover letter to the council said that the HMX had been under IAEA seal and that the RDX and PETN were “both subject to regular monitoring of stock levels.”

“The presence of these amounts was verified by the IAEA in January 2003,” he said
.
Perhaps we shouldn't be suspicious of the motives of El Baradei. He wouldn't have any reason to lie, would he? Oh, wait, perhaps he does...
A new board of governors of the UN nuclear watchdog met in Vienna Monday to draw up procedures for electing a new director general, with current chief Mohamed ElBaradei seeking a third term despite US opposition.

ElBaradei put his hat into the ring for a third term as director general of the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) earlier this month despite opposition from the United States and possibly other top UN funding states.

His current four-year term expires on November 30 next year, and US officials have said the United States, the largest contributor to the United Nations, supports the position of the Geneva group of top 10 contributors that heads of international organizations should not serve more than two terms.

"This policy has nothing to do with the director general's qualifications. The United States thinks that he's done a very good job leading the agency at a very difficult time, but it's simply a matter of principle and good governance," a Western official familiar with the US position said.
Might the two be related? Jim Geraghty makes a pretty good case...
In late September the U.S. says no third term for ElBaradei, and Oct. 1 he writes to Iraq demanding answers about this old weapons depot!

Then, in a memo that appears to be dated Oct. 10, the Iraqis respond that the explosives are missing… and it just happens to show up on the front page of the New York Times eight days before Election Day. An article that quotes a European diplomat as saying “Dr. ElBaradei is "extremely concerned" about the potentially "devastating consequences" of the vanished stockpile.”

I’ll bet he is! He’s so concerned, he felt a need to make this issue that he’s been quiet about since spring 2003 and press the Iraqi government for an immediate answer that he knows will make the Bush administration look bad!

One has to wonder - has John Kerry or a member of his staff indicated they would keep ElBaradei around for another term? We know ElBaradei wants a change in U.S. policy on his third term.

ElBaradei is doing everything he can to help Kerry. What’s in it for ElBaradei?
Hey, far be it from us to allege that there's anything untoward happening at an international agency. Then again, let's find out when the explosives in question disappeared...

But senior Defense Department officials told FOX News they’re not sure whether looters made off with the explosives or whether Saddam moved them before the war began. NBC News reported Monday night that one of its reporters was embedded with the 101st Airborne. She watched the troops conduct what can be described as a "cursory search" of the premises on April 10, and found a great deal of conventional ordnance, but no RDX or HMX.

The embedded reporter, Lai Ling Jew, told cable news partner MSNBC on Tuesday that she stopped with the Second Brigade at the Al-Qaqaa facility, 30 miles south of Baghdad, and stayed there for 24 hours.

"The mission that the brigade had was to get to Baghdad. That was more of a pit stop there for us," she said. "And, you know, the searching, I mean certainly some of the soldiers head off on their own, looked through the bunkers just to look at the vast amount of ordnance lying around. But as far as we could tell, there was no move to secure the weapons, nothing to keep looters away. But there was — at that point the roads were shut off. So it would have been very difficult, I believe, for the looters to get there."
Read that last sentance -- looters would have had trouble getting near the facility to loot the place. The likely explanation is that Saddam and friends moved the explosives before the war began. Could looters have taken the explosives? Well, as Geraghty points out, there's reason to be skeptical...
But the alternative is that Iraqi looters walked/drove away with 350 tons of this stuff after the Coalition was in the neighborhood. You don’t just walk away with 350 tons with it tucked in your shirt one handful at a time. Or, alternatively, one has to believe that the Coalition troops just ignored a 40 truck convoy leaving an Iraqi arms depot. Imagine that road checkpoint:

“Say, Abdul, what do you have in the truck and the 39 behind you?”

“Baby milk, sir.”

“Ah. Okay. You can go about your business. Move along. Move along.”

An
AP Timeline says that the IAEA last visited the site in “March 2003.” It also says that the war in Iraq began in “March 2003.” (Marshall indicates the last inspection was March 8.) More specific answers would help shed better light on this material. The war began on March 19, 2003. That means anywhere from 18 days to one day passed between the final IAEA check and the beginning of hostilities.

An
earlier report suggests the first U.S. troops arrived April 4.

Would it be easier to smuggle this stuff out when U.S. troops were rumbling through the country and tanks were on every street corner? Would you want to be driving a truck with ten tons of high-grade explosives through a country with hundreds of thousands of coalition troops, armed to the teeth and with itchy trigger fingers? And all that satellite and aerial reconnaissance that was in place before the war - it just disappeared after April 4?

Is that plausible? Or is it more likely that the stuff was moved when the Hussein regime controlled the site, when there was a ton of trucks running around the country preparing for war, when the U.S. wasn’t going to risk starting a war before the deadline, during that window between the IAEA check and the troops arriving?

Perhaps our so-called allies, by forcing Bush to wait on U.N. approval that never arrived, allowed Saddam time to move the explosives. Wretchard makes an important pair of points at the Belmont Club...

In this context, the loss of 380 tons of RDX is similar to worrying about a toothache after being diagnosed with AIDS and Ebola. Some 600,000 tons of explosive are said to have been dispersed throughout Iraq prior to the conclusion of Operation Iraqi Freedom. The loss of the RDX is serious, but in the overall scheme of things, one of the least worries. But it provides indirect confirmation of the preemptive dispersal of war materiel by the Saddam regime while the US was trying to negotiate UN permission to topple him for six months, compounded by Turkey's refusal to allow the 4ID to attack south into the Sunni Triangle.

The account above shows that the RDX explosive was already gone by the time US forces arrived. Although one may retrospectively find some fault with OIF order of battle, most of the damage had already been inflicted by the dilatory tactics of America's allies which allowed Saddam the time and space -- nearly half a year and undisturbed access to Syria -- necessary to prepare his resistance, transfer money abroad and disperse explosives (as confirmed first hand by reporters). Although it is both desirable and necessary to criticize the mistakes attendant to OIF, much of the really "criminal" neglect may be laid on the diplomatic failure which gave the wily enemy this invaluable opportunity. The price of passing the "Global Test" was very high; and having been gypped once, there are some who are still eager to be taken to the cleaners again.

A few military folks who were there have already taken to cyberspace...

I can tell you what happened at my squad level. When we arrived there, humvees with Mark-19's and other mounted weapons immediately secured the parameter with appropriate manpower backup. On the foot level we broke up into squads and went building to building and cleared them; mind you, we couldn't do them all. But we found what had been typical finds, caches of AK-47's, artillery rounds and bullets. There was absolutely no talk of a big find, and what I could sense no worries of anything that should have been there. Of course, we were still worried about the possibilities of chemical weapons but they never panned out.

I am a little perturbed at the gross mischaracterization of what went on there. From what I remember of the NBC crew, they did not go out with us, and they may have in fact been asked to not to go on the search with us, due to the dangers that may have possibily come up. Now this part is my opinion, but don't you think that if they had gone out with us they would have video?

There's more here...

You are correct in your bottom line conclusion. Here is a second follow up.

I was serving as a [identifying information removed by the Kerry Spot] staff member during the time in question. The Commander on the site had complete real time intelligence on what to expect and possibly find at the Al-QaQaa depot. The ordinance in question was not found when teams were sent in to inspect and secure the area. When this information was relayed, Operational plans were adjusted and the unit moved forward. Had the ordinance in question been discovered, a security team would have been left in place.

The Bush team has responded, with Dick Cheney leading the way. Meanwhile, the Kerry campaign is running into some problems. They want to blame Bush, but senior advisor Richard Hobrooke admitted that he and the Kerry campaign "didn't know what happened." And John Edwards was quoted as saying:
"These are exactly the kind of explosives terrorists want. They're the dangerous weapons we wanted to keep from falling in the hands of terrorists. And now these explosives are out there, and we have no idea who's got them. Dick Cheney calls that a remarkable success."

Wait, there were dangerous weapons in Iraq? I thought the Kerry campaign didn't think there were any dangerous weapons in Iraq.

Maybe it's time for an ad, comparing the Times to CBS News. And tearing apart Kerry. We like the Mad Parson's idea...

I think the best way to do this is to insinuate the MSM while blasting the Kerry campaign. Something like a voice-over reiterating the DNC's "Fortunate Son" ad while showing the falsified documents; then the voice-over would say that those documents turned out unreliable. With a nod to Mr Reagan's famous "There you go again", the voice-over would reiterate Mr Kerry's "Obligation" ad and then tie them to the debunked UN letter (which would seriously piss of the UNers, but they're already pissed off, so what have we got to lose?). The MSM would never be mentioned, but the ad would excoriate recent 'reporting'. It would also, by implication, reinforce why Mr Kerry's lust over the UN is so dangerous. AND, it would betray the Left as so desperate to win that they will say anything.

Geraghty has some strong language as well...
“Kerry is playing Monday Morning Quarterback with the 101st Airborne’s performance in Iraq. In 1971, John Kerry smeared our troops as rapists and butchers then... He’s smearing them as incompetent now. This Nov. 2, show John Kerry what you think of his attacks on our troops."

Of course, maybe we should be wondering how Kerry managed to get an ad out that quickly. The New York Times didn't tell him in advance, did they? Oh, wait, maybe CBS did...

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Monday, October 25, 2004

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

Johnny Goblin sends us the best new commercial to convince folks in Philadelphia of one thing -- don't vote for Ketchup Boy.

Seriously, what does it say about somebody that they can't figure out how to eat a cheesesteak?

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In My Dreams

My lovely fiancee watches The West Wing for some unknown reason. Maybe I should mention this to her, which was sent to us by loyal reader RB...

Doughnut-inhaling, beer-quaffing Homer Simpson may not be the model father, but he has won the hearts of British TV fans who want the cartoon nuclear power plant worker to be the next U.S. president.

Former President George H.W. Bush notoriously said American families should be “closer to the Waltons than the Simpsons,” but Homer was overwhelming favorite in a Radio Times magazine poll on which U.S. television character should take over at the White House.

As Americans ponder tax and security pledges from President Bush and Democratic rival John Kerry ahead of the Nov. 2 vote, television fans have been considering Homer slogans such as “No big government, just big waist sizes.”

In a manifesto compiled for the magazine by “The Simpsons” writers, the bumbling animated TV hero also pledges: “I promise there will be fewer nuclear disasters with me as your mayor than with me as your nuclear safety inspector.”

Homer got 24 percent of the vote in the poll of more than 2,000 readers. Second place went to the more obvious choice of Josiah Bartlett, the president as played by Martin Sheen in “The West Wing.”
You know, maybe the Brits aren't drunk as my earlier post indicated. They definitely can pick a better President than Aaron Sorkin.

Time to Move to London

The Lord of Truth mentions why it might be better to work in England...

An alarming 76 per cent of employees are coming back to work drunk after taking a "liquid lunch", according to a new survey carried out by Peninsula employment law constancy. The results show that an increasing number of employees are consuming alcohol during their lunch break - a trend that could harm the reputation and productivity of a business.

Out of the 1342 employees polled, 68 per cent said they enjoyed alcoholic beverages during lunch, the same percentage of those polled who said they found it hard to relax after their break unless they'd had a tipple.
I guess there's a reason it's called "Merry Ol' England."

Rats!

I'm sure PETA will find a reason to protest...

A University of Florida scientist has created a living "brain" of cultured rat cells that now controls an F-22 fighter jet flight simulator.

Scientists say the research could lead to tiny, brain-controlled prosthetic devices and unmanned airplanes flown by living computers.

And if scientists can decipher the ground rules of how such neural networks function, the research also may result in novel computing systems that could tackle dangerous search-and-rescue jobs and perform bomb damage assessment without endangering humans.

Additionally, the interaction of the cells within the lab-assembled brain also may allow scientists to better understand how the human brain works. The data may one day enable researchers to determine causes and possible non-invasive cures for neural disorders, such as epilepsy.

For the recent project, Thomas DeMarse, a University of Florida professor of biomedical engineering, placed an electrode grid at the bottom of a glass dish and then covered the grid with rat neurons. The cells initially resembled individual grains of sand in liquid, but they soon extended microscopic lines toward each other, gradually forming a neural network — a brain — that DeMarse says is a "living computational device."

The brain then communicates with the flight simulator through a desktop computer.

"We grow approximately 25,000 cells on a 60-channel multi-electrode array, which permits us to measure the signals produced by the activity each neuron produces as it transmits information across this network of living neurons," DeMarse told Discovery News. "Using these same channels (electrodes) we can also stimulate activity at each of the 60 locations (electrodes) in the network. Together, we have a bidirectional interface to the neural network where we can input information via stimulation. The network processes the information, and we can listen to the network's response."

The brain can learn, just as a human brain learns, he said. When the system is first engaged, the neurons don't know how to control the airplane; they don't have any experience.

But, he said, "Over time, these stimulations modify the network's response such that the neurons slowly (over the course of 15 minutes) learn to control the aircraft. The end result is a neural network that can fly the plane to produce relatively stable straight and level flight."
Perhaps they can hire the rat neurons to replace Ron Zook. Seriously, this is very cool, and a tad scary.

This just in -- the rat neurons have been registered to vote by Americans Coming Together (ACT) in Florida. Of course, they may be too intelligent to vote for Kerry.