The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

This just in -- the President has a higher IQ than Senator Ketchup. Don't believe me? Steve Sailer's done the research...

Similarly, in 2001, many liberals, including Doonesbury cartoonist Gary Trudeau and The Guardian newspaper, fell for the notorious "Lovenstein Institute" prank, which absurdly claimed that the IQ of Bush, a man with two Ivy League degrees, was a sub-average 91, while Bill Clinton's was a Galileo-like 182.

But now I've turned up some hard facts about the IQs of Kerry and Bush.

Most significantly, at the age of 22, both men took the IQ-type tests required of candidate military officers. (The U.S. military, which has studied the predictive power of IQ in vastly more detail than any other institution, remains intensely dedicated to the value of intelligence testing.)
Bush's scores on the Air Force Officer Qualifying Test have been briefly mentioned in the press. But no-one before now has fully explained what they mean.

And, even more important, this is first article to publish Kerry's score on the Navy's Officer Qualification Test.

The two tests aren't perfectly comparable. But they provide no evidence that Kerry is smarter. If anything, Bush is smarter than Kerry.

Maybe Ketchup Boy's inability to concisely state his points is evidence of an underlying problem. As Chris Suellentrop points out at Slate, Kerry's incapable of keeping things simple...

The campaign gives reporters the text of each of Kerry's speeches "as prepared for delivery," apparently to show how much Kerry diverges from them. During his stump speeches and town halls, Kerry makes the occasional Bush-style error, such as the time I saw him tell a blind man in St. Louis that he would "look you in the eye." Tuesday night in Dayton, Ohio, Kerry tried to thank teachers for spending money out of their own pockets on students, but instead it came out as a thank-you to Mary Kay Letourneau as he said, "And they're putting out for our kids." His pronunciation of "idear" grates on my ears far more than Bush's "nucular." But the authentic Kerryism emerges only when he gives a formal address.

Kerry proves incapable of reading simple declarative sentences. He inserts dependent clauses and prepositional phrases until every sentence is a watery mess. Kerry couldn't read a Dick and Jane book to schoolchildren without transforming its sentences into complex run-ons worthy of David Foster Wallace. Kerry's speechwriters routinely insert the line "We can bring back that mighty dream," near the conclusion of his speeches, presumably as an echo of Ted Kennedy's Shrum-penned "the dream will never die" speech from the 1980 Democratic convention. Kerry saps the line of its power. Here's his version from Monday's speech in Tampa: "We can bring back the mighty dream of this country, that's what's at stake in these next two weeks."

Kerry flubs his punch lines, sprinkles in irrelevant anecdotes, and talks himself into holes that he has trouble improvising his way out of. He steps on his applause lines by uttering them prematurely, and then when they roll up on his TelePrompTer later, he's forced to pirouette and throat-clear until he figures out how not to repeat himself. He piles adjective upon adjective until it's like listening to a speech delivered by Roget.

Man, four years with State of the Unions by this guy might drive us insane.

The ALCS, Summarized

There may be no sweeter moment in sports this year than watching the Yankees gag on their 3-0 lead in the ALCS.

For decades, we've been told that when a team falls behind 3-0 in a best of seven series, the series is over. For decades, that was right (and since the only counter-examples happened in hockey, no one noticed).

For decades, we've been inundated with stories about the Yankees as the most successful franchise in sports, as the jewel of sports greatness. For decades, that was right.

Now, the jewel is tarnished. Now, any time a team takes a 3-0 lead in any sport, the collapse of the Yankees will be noted by everyone.

A few quick thoughts...

1. Curt Schilling's response to a question about whether A-Rod's swipe at Bronson Arroyo's arm was "bush-league" was an instant classic. "No, it was Kerry-league." Bless you, Curt.

2. Schill's favorite charity is one that fights ALS, otherwise known as Lou Gehrig's disease, since it disabled and eventually killed a legendary Yankee. Schilling's son is actually named Gehrig. So by trading for a man who named his son for the Iron Horse, perhaps the Red Sox finally appeased the spirit of Lou Gehrig's most famous teammate and ended the curse of the Bambino.

3. Will people in Japan make fun of Matsui when he goes home this winter?

4. Will Jessica Alba dump Derek Jeter?

5. Great fact that Tim Kurjian kept noting on ESPN -- the night the Yanks lost Game 7 was also Mickey Mantle's birthday. Maybe all the ghosts were attending the birthday party or something.

6. This cartoon about says it all.

7. Actually, this picture is rather funny as well.

8. Who's your daddy, George Steinbrennar?

9. Do the Red Sox pitchers have any energy left?

10. Finally... does the fact that Game Seven of the Series will be played on Halloween night guarantee the demise of the curse?

She's A Witch! Burn Her!

Just when we thought political correctness was dead, a Washington school cancels Halloween parties to spare the feelings of Wiccan idealists...

The superintendent made the decision for three primary reasons, Hansen said. First, Halloween parties and parades waste valuable classroom time. Second, some families can't afford costumes and the celebrations thus can create embarrassment for children.

Both of those reasons seemed sensible to the parents who spoke to ABC News affiliate KOMO-TV in Seattle. But the district's third reason left some Puyallup parents shaking their heads.

The district said Halloween celebrations and children dressed in Halloween costumes might be offensive to real witches.

"Witches with pointy noses and things like that are not respective symbols of the Wiccan religion and so we want to be respectful of that," Hansen said.

The Wiccan, or Pagan, religion is said to be growing in the United States and there are Wiccan groups in Puyallup.

I think the superintendent is just afraid of being turned into a toad.

The Swift Boat Saga, Part Whatever: The Left Melts Down

Watch this video.

It's been a long time since I blogged about the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. That's mostly because I didn't see the need, since their story was finally being discussed by the mainstream media, which had desperately tried to ignore it. And the hypocricy of the mainstream media was exposed when Dan Rather and his minions at CBS News chose to publicize a completely unsubstaniated smear against the President, after ignoring the documented claims by the Swift Boat Veterans.

It's clear that much of the media has sold itself out to the Democratic Party. That's their right, but it means their lack of credibility has been exposed. People will no long trust Dan Rather, Peter Jennings and Tom Brokaw -- or their eventual replacements -- to deliver the news in an unbiased manner. That's a good thing, despite the moaning from old-school media types who think it's terrible that people don't have faith in the network news, as they did during the days of Cronkite and Brinkley and Reynolds. Sorry, but old-school liberalism delivered with a paternalistic smile as if it emanated from a non-partisan viewpoint no longer works in a world where I can find the news 24 hours a day, delivered from people who continue to earn my trust, rather than relying on the trust built by Ed Murrow and Eric Severeid during World War II.

But back to the Swift Boat Veterans, who have clearly contributed more to the downfall of the media by exposing its traditional role as a tool of the left. Maybe their charges didn't matter -- but they deserved to be aired as much as any of the talking points put forth by the Kerry campaign regarding their candidate's character. Kerry trotted out his "Band of Brothers" as support for his campaign. The Swift Boat Veterans trotted out their version of the truth, and backed it up. Sometimes their version did not agree with the facts, but the same was true of the Kerry campaign's account of Kerry's service in Vietnam. In the end, both sides of this story needed to be told. The media only wanted to tell one.

Which brings to Lawrence O' Donnell's performance in the video above on MSNBC's Scarborough Country. In his entire rant, he calls John O'Neill a liar approximately 25 times, says O'Neill is "unfit to publish" (which seems somewhat idiotic in a free society), and even calls him a creep at one point. These are all standard debating points for a partisan, although we would probably expect some more substance than O'Donnell provides. Indeed, one is struck by how O'Neill provides substance to Pat Buchanan's questions, while O'Donnell merely rants and raves. This is what the left has in this case -- screaming, ranting and blather. O'Donell almost seems offended by the mere presence of O'Neill -- he can't be telling the truth, because it questions the gospel of John Kerry and the Democratic Party.

But O'Donnell's not some unbalanced partisan -- he also holds a position as "MSNBC’s senior political analyst and substitute host of Hardball With Chris Matthews." Perhaps it's not all that shocking when you realize that O'Donnell was once the Democrtic chief of staff on the Senate Finance Committee, or that he cut his political teeth as an advisor to the late Democratic Senator from New York, Daniel Patrick Moynihan. Hey, maybe you didn't know that Chris Matthews was a former speechwriter for Jimmy Carter and an aide to Tip O'Neill... both liberal Democrats, in case you're a bit too young to recall. Heck, maybe in ten years George Stephanopolous won't be remembered as Clinton's campaign flunky and just be listed as a serious journalist.

The problem, of course, is that the door has just begun to be opened to conservatives. With the notable exception of Buchanan, who was generally relegated to co-hosting Crossfire alongside a liberal, it was difficult to find a journalist with conservative credentials granted air time (and don't give me Diane Sawyer) before Fox News. Now, there's voices all over the spectrum being heard. Scarborough is a former GOP Congressman. Dennis Miller has established himself as a libertarian alternative. O'Reilly seems to be all over the map and gets the highest ratings on cable news. Personally, I'm hoping that by 2008, someone like O'Reilly will be asking the questions in a Presidential debate (I'm really hoping for Brit Hume, but I won't hold my breath).

Maybe it's harder for liberals to debate issues, because they get raised in an academic cocoon where the debate it always slanted intheir favor. Conservatives, at some point in their academic careers, are typically forced to debate the other side in an environment where the chips are stacked against them. For me, this was law school more so than undergrad, but it toughened me up for debates with people who disagree with me. I don't have to call them creeps or dismiss them with simplistic ad hominem attacks, because I was forced at one point to learn to marshall real facts to support my arguments. Many liberals never had to do this -- and it offends them in mainstream life when they're forced to back up their arguments with facts.

The mainstream media has generally been a similar place to academia -- the liberals held sway. Now they don't. No wonder the left has lost its bearings -- they no longer control the media ship.

Disgusting if True... and Very Disappointing

I've always given Ed Rendell plenty of credit, even though he's a Democrat. He actually managed to figure out the 2000 election was over before Gore's minions did, and deserves some credit for speaking his mind. Plus, he's an Eagles fan.

But if this claim from Powerline is true, Ed should get his butt kicked in his next gubernatorial campaign...

Reader Richard Davis sent me an email regarding allegations by Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum that Democratic Governor Ed Rendell is trying to limit the vote of absentee military personnel while maximizing the vote of criminals.

[I] heard Sen. Rick Santorum on a radio interview last night on 1210 AM with Dom Giordano. He said that Gov. Ed Rendell will not extend the deadline for absentee ballots sent in by Pennsylvania soldiers. These ballots were sent only a day or two ago (maybe even Oct 20th), they are a month late (should have been sent no later than 9/22) and are due by Nov 1st. The [stated] reason they were sent late was because [of uncertainty as to whether Nader's name would be included]. There are 16,000 troops from PA, and more than 3/4 of them will probably vote for Bush. At the same time, Rendell is making sure that prisoners are assisted and hand-held so that they can send in absentee ballots from prison.

I'll hope it's not true. But maybe one of my many friends in PA can let me know if it is.

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

Ketchup Boy went hunting today in Ohio. Apparently, it was goose-hunting, but Walt Anthony sees a stunning similarity to Elmer Fudd. The obvious thought would be to characterize Bush as Yosemite Sam, but I keep seeing John Kerry as Pepe le Pew.

Meanwhile, perhaps we should point out Football Fans for Truth and their story on Kerry's dove hunting...

John Kerry says he enjoys hunting doves. As he told the Washington Post, "You clean them. Let them hang. It takes three or four birds to have a meal. You might eat it at a picnic, cold roasted. I love dove." Any dove hunter knows that you don't "hang" dove (unless they've commited felony murder).

Hey, I don't hunt doves, but should a guy who's a former peacenik really enjoy hunting doves?

Then again, we should also note some serious news. The well-respected Michael Barone points out something important...

Bush's most effective opposition this year has come not from Kerry and the Democrats but from Old Media, the New York Times and the news pages of the Washington Post, along with the broadcast networks ABC, CBS, and NBC. Old Media gave very heavy coverage to stories that tended to hurt Bush—violence in Iraq, Abu Ghraib, the false charges of Richard Clarke and Joseph Wilson, etc. And during the first eight months of the year Bush did a poor job of making his case.

Then, suddenly, that case was made with maximum effectiveness at the Republican National Convention in New York—by John McCain and Rudolph Giuliani, by Zell Miller and Arnold Schwarzenegger, by Laura Bush and Dick Cheney and George W. Bush himself. Bush was able to get his message out unmediated by Old Media. (Fox News Channel had more viewers during the Republican National Convention than any of the old-line broadcast networks.) The message was simple: We need this president to protect the nation. Bush muffed the chance to deliver that message effectively in the first debate. But he made up for it in the second and third debates.
Kerry helped confirm the Bush message in the debates—by saying American action had to pass a global test, by saying that Saddam Hussein's Iraq both was and was not a threat, by arguing that Saddam would "not necessarily" have remained in power if Kerry's course had been taken. He remains the man who volunteered the words "I did actually vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it." So in all the polls Bush continues to score better than Kerry on handling the war on terrorism and on handling Iraq.

Today's polls, if translated into election figures, would produce something like a 51 to 47 percent Bush win. Interestingly, those are the percentages by which Karl Rove's party-building model, William McKinley, beat William Jennings Bryan in 1896. I have a theory—I can't prove it; it's just a theory—that in these polarizing times there are low ceilings on both of our political parties. Both are unacceptable to near majorities of the voters. My theory is that the ceiling on the Democrats is about 51 or 52 percent and the ceiling on the Republicans is a little higher, about 53 or 54 percent.

The theory about the Democrats can be tested by looking at the 1996 and 2000 elections, when the Democrats were the incumbent presidential party in times of apparent peace and apparent prosperity—the best posture in which a party can run. Bill Clinton in 1996 won with 49 percent of the vote; if you add in one third of the Perot voters (they were mostly anti-Clinton that year), you get 51 percent. Al Gore in 2000 won 48 percent of the vote; if you add in two thirds of the Nader vote, you get 50 percent. Starting with 1994, Democrats have not won more than 48.5 percent of the popular vote for the House of Representatives; they did that in 1996 and won 48 percent in 1998 and 2000 and 46 percent in 2002. John Kerry, currently averaging 45 percent in today's polls, which would translate into something like 47 percent in an election, is running some distance below the ceiling, in this view.

The real question is, how far behind would Kerry be without the media selling out for him? The media's credibility is shot, and they may not succeed in their aim to get Kerry elected. The real story of this campaign is the unmasking of the shills in the mainstream press. And their efforts will go to waste.

If Only He'd Been 50 Feet Off the Ground

Try not to get better soon, dirtbag...

President Fidel Castro tripped and fell after leaving the stage at a graduation ceremony, but later returned to say that he was "all in one piece."

Castro's off-camera tumble after the Wednesday night speech in the central city of Santa Clara was certain to launch a new round of speculation about the 78-year-old communist leader's health after 45 years of rule.

There was no official word from the government on Castro's condition after he left Santa Clara, about a three-hour drive east of Havana, in his regular black Mercedes Benz.

Speaking live on state television less than a minute after his fall, Castro told television viewers across the island of 11.2 million people that he thought he had broken his knee "and maybe an arm ... but I am all in one piece."

"I will do what is possible to recover as fast as possible, but as you can see I can still talk," he said, sweating profusely into his olive green uniform as he sat in a folding chair. "Even if they put me in a cast, I can continue in my work."

Does that work include torturing and killing more people?

Bring It On, FunnyMan

The Lord of Truth points out the battle between Comedy Central's finest and CNN's big guns...

Habitual funnyman Jon Stewart dropped his comic demeanor and adopted a serious 'tude on last Friday's edition of Crossfire.

While Stewart's appearance on the show was ostensibly to promote his new bestselling book, America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction, he instead incited a media brawl with the hosts of the CNN debatefest.

The host of Comedy Central's Daily Show accused the Crossfire helmers of "partisan hackery" and suggested that conservative gabber Tucker Carlson needed to matriculate at a journalism school.

Stewart also poked fun at Carlson's signature bow tie and in a particularly heated moment, referred to Carlson as a "dick."

Both Carlson and cohost Paul Begala seemed taken aback by the unsmiling Stewart, who asked them repeatedly to "stop hurting America." Carlson pleaded with Stewart to "be funny," but Stewart replied, "No. I'm not going to be your monkey."

Carlson told Stewart that he was much more fun on his own show, to which Stewart answered, "I think you're as much of a dick on your show as on any other."

I'd actually watched the clip, and agree with Carlson (and Begala, who didn't jump into the fire as quickly, but did a pretty good job of pointing out Stewart's inconsistencies). In fact, it ticked me off.

Let me be clear on something -- I enjoy The Daily Show, and I think Crossfire is generally pretty bad. Unlike Hannity & Colmes (the Fox counter to Crossfire), the hosts are too in love with being in front of a live audience. Plus, Hannity and Colmes are pros who built radio audiences on their own and had to entertain listeners to stay on the air. This is not true of the Crossfire hosts -- Begala and Carville are merely political hacks, while Carlson and Novak were and are journalists.

But Stewart was being a complete prick. That's not always wrong, but it is when you decide to be a sanctimonious jerk at the same time. Seriously, trying to lecture Begala and Carlson on journalistic ethics was laughable in the current context, when so-called "real" journalists spend a week peddling and then defending a fake story about the President on the news. And falling back on the fact that his show is just a comedy show doesn't wash when he complains that these guys are "hurting America" and that they have some sort of public responsibility. That's a load of crap -- they're all there for ratings, the same as Stewart.

No one tunes into Crossfire expecting some sort of dignified debate on policy issues. Hell, no one tunes into any TV station expecting such a debate, because it bores the crap out everyone, including hard-core political junkies like me. Instead, we get two sides attacking and arguing and shouting at one another. Stewart can complain that this somehow lowers the level of discourse in America, but he stars on a show on a network which airs shows that do the same thing (and I love many of those shows). If he thinks CNN should air something more dignified, go complain to the network bosses. Don't try to blame Carlson and Begala.

And I really hate the condescending paternalistic attitude from someone like Stewart, who may be reading too many of his own press clippings. You host a great comedy show, and you're damn funny. That doesn't make you a freaking svengali expert on public policy, and it sure as hell doesn't make you someone who speaks" on behalf of the people." You don't even speak for all of your viewers -- I'm one of them, and I think you're being a pompous ass.

Carlson was right -- you spent an entire interview with Kerry playing tonsil hockey with Kerry's genitals. Do I care? No. But don't sit there and attack them for not trying to hold politicians to a higher standard. Yeah, your show is a comedy show, but Kerry was about as funny as Margeret Cho. You could have asked real questions, and opted not to do so. Same with Crossfire when other politicians show up.

I'll still watch The Daily Show. But if Stewart keeps putting on airs, I may start wishing for the return of Kilborn.

This Will Probably Be Better Than The Movie

I love the attitude that's conveyed in this story...

Astronomers plan to slam an armchair-sized "impactor" into comet Tempel 1 to see what's inside -- and possibly help future scientists determine how to keep such space rocks from colliding with Earth.

If all goes as scheduled, the NASA Deep Impact spacecraft, set for launch on Dec. 30, will gently let go of the 820-pound impactor on July 4, 2005, and the comet's rocky part will hit it at a speed of 23,800 miles an hour.

The smash will take place some 80 million miles from Earth, and while the comet itself is 100 times too dim to be seen with unaided eyes, the material thrown up by the collision could be visible with small telescopes, the project's principal investigator said on Thursday.

"We're going to hit it and see what happens," astronomer Michael A'Hearn of the University of Maryland said at a briefing outside Washington.

Although I think they named the craft after a crappy movie, it's still a cool idea.

Dan Rather Must Go!

My dad sends me a link to the petition. I'll have more to say about this at some point this weekend.

Hasta La Vista, Baby

The next time Democrats tell you they're the party of the "little guy", make them read this piece from the New Yorker...

On August 6th, a week after the Democratic Convention, a clandestine summit meeting took place at the Aspen Institute, in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains. The participants, all Democrats, were sworn to secrecy, and few of them will discuss the event. One thing that is certain, however, is that the guests formed a tableau that not many people would associate with the Democratic Party of the past. Five billionaires joined half a dozen liberal leaders in a lengthy conversation about the future of progressive politics in America. The billionaires were not especially close socially, nor were they in complete agreement about politics or strategy. Yet they shared a common goal: to use their fortunes to engineer the defeat of President George W. Bush in the 2004 election.

“No one was supposed to know about this,” an assistant to one participant told me, declining to be named. “We don’t want people thinking it’s a cabal, or some sort of Masonic plot!” His concern was understandable: the prospect of rich men concentrating their wealth in order to sway an American election was an inflammatory one, particularly given the Democratic Party’s populist rhetoric. This private meeting of plutocrats was an unintended consequence of the McCain-Feingold campaign-finance-reform law of 2002. Previously, wealthy donors had contributed “soft money” to the political parties, which controlled how the funds were spent. The reform legislation had banned such gifts, forcing donors to find new ways of influencing the political process.

You know, I keep thinking this story actually resembles a Hollywood movie, where evil tycoons gather to plot against America... until an action hero pops up to take them all out.

... Speaking of which... Arnold's heading to Ohio. I'll take his charisma over evil Democratic billionaires any day of the week.

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

The Kerry Spot highlights Kerry's sports-related gaffes on a huge sports day, courtesy of the Bush campaign. The two best excerpts, in honor of Game Seven tonight...

Kerry Says A Red Sox Victory Comes Second To His Campaign. "We've been waiting since 1918 for the Boston Red Sox to win the World Series, and … if I had a choice between the White House and the World Series this year, I'm going to take the White House. How's that?" (Sen. John Kerry, Remarks In Taylor, MI, 8/1/04)

...Negative Reaction To Kerry At Fenway Park Not "What The Campaign Was Expecting." "Almost as soon as the announcer said, 'To pitch our ceremonial first pitch on the eve of the Democratic National Convention,' the crowd made its displeasure known, at first almost uniformly booing, then showing a mixed reaction as the announcer finished by introducing Kerry. Clearly, this wasn't what the campaign was expecting, Schein says. The face of the campaign communications director dropped, the promised Kerry banners never appeared, and then, fittingly for the mixed reaction which welcomed him, Kerry left his pitch a little short, the ball hitting the infield dirt just shy of the plate and bouncing through the legs of the designated catcher, a combat veteran of the Afghan and Iraq wars." (MSNBC's "First Read," 7/26/04)

My personal favorite, of course, is Kerry's reference to "Lambert Field." As I pointed out in an e-mail to the Kerry Spot...

It should be noted for Packer fans (and all Wisconsinites) that the Packers are 0-3 this regular season since Kerry called their historic home "Lambert Field."

On the flip side, the Pittsburgh Steelers, who employed Hall of Fame linebacker Jack Lambert, are unbeaten on their homefield... Heinz Field.

Those swing voters in Wisconsin should take note of Teresa and John's secret plot against them. as for my fellow Pennsylvanians, the folks in Philly now know he prefers the Steelers, and the Steeler fans know he'll sell them out for the Patriots. Vote accordingly, Eagles Nation and Steelers fanatics.

The NFL Recap, Week Six

I do these at work as part of my duties as Sports Czar, so why not share with the greater public?

You know, sometimes we think there’s a little too much pressure in the world of professional sports.

Take, for example, your humble recapper, a man with modest (at best) writing talent, a somewhat off-beat sense of humor and the desire to mock the Redskins mercilessly. Yet even I, a man who puts up with such terrible hardships as the possibility of a President Kerry, must deal with pressure in writing this recap. For example, I’ve been told by senior partners at my law firm that they look forward to this recap (probably in recognition of the fact that it’s better than my work product). I’ve had people lobby to have former college stars at their alma mater receive credit for sterling performances. I’ve even had one person ask me to give the Redskins credit for their victory this weekend. Even if I were a fair and impartial observer like Dan Rather, that would be a difficult task.

We’ll give the Redskins this much – they can definitely beat a team a team quarterbacked by Jane Seymour. Look, we don’t know who Jonathan Quinn is, but based on performance, we can only guess that the Bears QB is actually Seymour, the star of CBS’s Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Quinn and the Bears fell to Joe Gibbs and his offense, which once again managed to score touchdowns for both teams. Maybe this is part of Mark Brunell’s campaign for MVP – if he scores enough for other teams, perhaps they will vote for him.

The current front-runner for MVP is Minnesota QB Dante Culpepper, who tossed five more TD passes in a 58-31 win, despite losing Randy Moss before halftime due to injury. Culpepper was assisted by the Saints defense, which somehow yielded over 600 yards of offense in the worst performance in New Orleans since Britney Spears left Louisiana. Perhaps the Saints can take solace in watching Green Bay, which rallied from yielding 48 points on Monday night to tearing apart Detroit on the road in a 38-10 win. The Packers appear to be much better on the road then at home, but perhaps they’re just desperate to get away from “Lambert Field.”

Carolina is probably just desperate, period. The defending NFC champs fell to 1-4 in Philadelphia, where the Eagles’ D led the way in a 30-8 win that served as hollow revenge for last year’s NFC Title Game loss. Eagles CB Lito Sheppard picked off two passes, returning one for a TD, and he wasn’t even playing the Redskins. To be fair, other QBs made the same mistake. For example, Dolphins QB Jay Fiedler handed a touchdown to Buffalo linebacker Takeo Spikes in a 20-13 loss that helped the Bills get their first win. The Dolphins continue on their trek to 0-16, which may be a harder feat to achieve then their legendary (and overrated) 17-0 mark in 1972. Perhaps the Dolphins are just unnerved by the news that producers are planning a movie version of Miami Vice starring Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx – I mean, it takes time to dig into the closet and find all those pastels. We hear Dave Wannstedt has landed a role in the movie; he figures he’ll need the job.

Speaking of bad color schemes, the Seahawks fell for the second straight week, serving as the fodder for New England’s 20th straight win. The Pats opened up an early 17-0 lean on the way to a 30-20 win that probably helped inspire the Red Sox to begin their rally against the ambassadors of evil, a.k.a. the Yankees, that evening. Perhaps Boston should insist on Pats coach Bill Belichick moonlighting with the Red Sox. New Yorkers recall when Belichick was one of their own, specifically as the defensive coordinator of the Giants and later the Jets. The Jets will get to reunite with Belichick in a battle of the unbeatens next weekend, when the Jets visit the Pats. The Jets survived a challenge from the 49ers and budding legend Tim Rattay – hey, when you hold a passing record for the same franchise that once employed Joe Montana, Steve Young and John Brodie, you deserve credit from somebody.

Former Niners QB Jeff Garcia continued his efforts to lead a resurgence in Cleveland, where the Browns won the first part of the battle of Ohio with the Bengals by a score of 34-17. Both Presidential campaigns immediately began making efforts to disassociate themselves from the Bengals in the crucial swing state. They may also want to run away from the Kansas City Chiefs… or perhaps they should just run over the Chiefs, as everyone else seems to do. The Chiefs, who started last season 9-0, fell to 1-4 following a loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars. Dick Vermeil’s busy buying artificial tears at this point.

Bill Parcells is probably crying, too, when he’s not swearing and screaming at his players. Parcells’ Cowboys lost a heartbreaker to the Steelers in Dallas, when Vinny Testaverde fumbled while trying to run out the clock, allowing Pittsburgh to regain possession and score with under a minute left. We’re shocked, just shocked, that Vinny Testaverde would commit a terrible turnover at a big moment. That’s almost like saying Kerry Collins would… well, by the way, the Raiders got skunked by the Broncos 31-3 in Oakland. Raiders fans responded by jumping into the San Francisco Bay, which immediately was declared an environmental disaster as a result.

Speaking of disasters, the Buccaneers crawled into their MNF game with the Rams resembling an ER… or maybe the cast of the once-hit show ER. Nowadays, we hear ER struggles against a show called Without a Trace, which generally describes the Bucs’ offense. Despite a better-than-normal performance from QB Brian Griese, the Bucs fell 28-21. Perhaps Without a Trace could also describe the sudden dearth of points from the Titans, who slipped and fell to Houston 20-10. The Titans used to play in Houston as the Oilers, wearing a color of blue that goes unmatched… unless we consider the gorgeous powder-blue uniforms of the Chargers. Alas, the Chargers didn’t wear their pastels and lost to Atlanta 21-20; perhaps they’re saving their splash of color for the Miami Vice movie as well.

And Stop Calling Me Shirley

We now have the winner for the funniest political ad of the season.

The Club for Growth got David Zucker, the director of Airplane! and the Naked Gun!, to come through with this ad. Flat-out hysterical, and funnier than anything I've seen from the Hollywood folks supporting Kerry.

Another Bit of Childhood Bites the Dust

This is sad for me personally, since I grew up riding a Huffy ten-speed...

Bicycle maker Huffy Corp. said Wednesday it filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in the wake of widening losses.

Huffy cited liquidity issues and losses associated with some Canadian operations among the reasons it needs protection from creditors as it seeks to reorganize.

Huffy recently sold its basketball-backboard unit, its customer service division and part of its Canada-based Gen-X business, which makes equipment for golf, snowboarding, inline skating, skiing and hockey. Huffy also sold the Gen-X name.

I can only do one thing... Blame Canada.

The Best Political Ad on the Air Today

And it's by a 527 to boot. Go and play Ashley's story. Then think about how it will play with undecided voters, especially parents. Nice work.

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

I guess this explains why the Condiment Monarch's been out campaigning with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton...

President Bush has doubled his support among blacks in four years and Sen. John Kerry's backing among the key Democratic voting bloc is down slightly from the support Al Gore won in 2000, according to a poll released Tuesday.

The Democratic presidential nominee holds a nearly 4-to-1 margin over Bush in the poll by the Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies, a Washington-based research group that focuses on issues concerning blacks.

Bush got low marks for his handling of the war in Iraq and his overall job performance. The Republican incumbent did gain more support than in 2000 from those age 50 and older and those who consider themselves Christian conservatives.

That helped the president narrow the still sizable gap with Kerry among blacks, who preferred the four-term Massachusetts senator over Bush, 69 percent to 18 percent. The group's poll before the 2000 election found Gore with a 74 percent to 9 percent lead over Bush.

Polls differ on the level of support for Bush among blacks. An Associated Press-Ipsos poll in mid-September found that 80 percent of registered black voters backed Kerry while 7 percent supported Bush.

...But Kerry had 49 percent support from black Christian conservatives, down from the 69 percent Gore enjoyed in 2000. Bush was at 36 percent among the group this year, more than tripling the 11 percent he got four years ago.

...About 46 percent of blacks said there should be no recognition of a gay couple's relationship, compared with 37 percent for the population overall.

The last two quoted paragraphs effectively explain why Kerry brought up the Mary Cheney reference in the final debate.

Not Gonna Help The Image

The Lord of Truth gives us Reason #1,479 to avoid Newark...

When it comes to sexually transmitted diseases, Newark is the runner-up to Detroit as the nation's capital, Men's Health reports in its latest issue.

The magazine bases the ranking primarily on gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia data gathered in 2002 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Among the nation's 101 most- populous cities, Detroit and Newark were rated the least safe when it comes to sex, based on the magazine's calculations.

As I've often noted, the nicest thing about Newark is the airport, since it means immediate access to getting out of Newark.

Ban the Cowboys!

The silliest thing we've heard in the early balloting...

The Cowboys may be known as "America's Team," but polling places are no place for fan gear, election officials say -- at least not this year.

Elections administrator Robert Parten said Monday that voters sporting Cowboys logos at Arlington polling sites will be told to cover up their allegiance to the team if they want to cast ballots.

He said he ordered the prohibition because of a provision on the Arlington ballot that asks whether taxpayers should help pay for a $650 million Cowboys stadium in their city.

"Anytime you go into a polling place and what you're wearing shows something that's on the ballot, that's electioneering," Gayle Hamilton, assistant elections administrator for Tarrant County, said.

State law prohibits voters at the polls with clothing, jewelry or badges that promote or denounce a candidate or proposition on a ballot.

Parten said in an election year, the big blue star that's a fixture at Texas Stadium may also be considered a political statement in favor of the proposition.

For those who don't obey the prohibition, election officials have ordered smocks like those worn in hospital exam rooms that Arlington residents can wear to cover their Cowboys paraphernalia in the voting booth.

They're wasting money on smocks???

I've got a better idea. Anyone who shows up wearing Cowboys paraphenalia is immediately lobotomized. Wait... Cowboys fans are already lobotomized.

A Tribute to the Fighting Spirit of Ukranian Women

The Lord of Truth noted this story a while back, in honor of his Ukranian bride, but my soon-to-be-surgically-repaired-eyes didn't have time to post it. But since I may see the Lord and Lady of Truth this weekend, I figured it was about time...

A 14-year-old Ukrainian girl has struck a blow for humanity in the war against belligerent technology by completely destroying a Yalta cash machine - with her bare hands.

The plucky freedom fighter took on the avaricious ATM after it swallowed her cash card. In the ensuing battle, the youth - described by police as "looking like she couldn't hurt a fly" - caused £4,500 worth of damage to the Privatbank dispenser. The unnamed girl told the press: "I just got angry and couldn't control myself after the machine took my card. I train regularly at a local boxing club to keep fit - I guess I must have learned a few things."

I already knew enough not to mess with Ukranian women -- I've been out drinking with the Lady of Truth.

More Good Reading

Gregory Djerejian makes the case for Bush over Kerry on the War on terror over at The Belgravia Dispatch. He also refutes the arguments of folks like Dan Drezner. These guys think about foreign policy on levels that exceed my intellect, but also demonstrate the fundamental divide between those in the middle who are willing to support Kerry and those in the middle who are willing to support Bush. Djerejian makes his case eloquently...

Of course, there is much that is troubling about Bush's performance during his first term. Front and center, in my view, was the fact that we never sent enough troops into Iraq to create secure conditions. From this, many troubles stemmed. Massive looting. Huge resentment of an occupier that couldn't (some there, given to conspiracy, think purposefully wouldn't) stabilize the country they occupied. And, of course, Abu Ghraib--a deep stain on our national reputation that floored me.

...In short, Bush's record has been mixed--but he gets the existential stakes at play. I would only vote for Kerry if: a) he got the stakes too and b) assuming "a", that I thought he would prosecute the war in materially more effective fashion. I don't believe either.

...[W]e are told that Kerry told Bai that 9/11 didn't change him. Look, I'm not one of those crazies who caught the fever after 9/11. We all know some of these people. A switch kinda clicked upstairs and it's all gung-ho, jingo off to Mecca we go--us against a billion Muslims. But I do believe, as I said earlier in this post, that 9/11 was a world historical event. It sure changed me. It quashed the Fukuyama end of history thesis (the resurgence of nationalism in the Balkans had gone some way towards doing so already, in my view). It heralded the beginning of a new, perilous era. You're effing right it changed me. How about you?

There's more, of course, re: why I'm dubious that Kerry gets the stakes. Put aside whether Allawi's speech to Congress was vetted by the White House. It was a moving, important speech nonetheless. And Iraq is the most important conflict we face now--a critical component of the generational challenge we face to modernize the Middle East--so as to reduce the pool of prospective fanatics who will adhere to a radicalized Islamic vision. But Kerry denigrated Allawi's speech--all but calling him a liar. I'm sorry, but that's just not serious. Actually, it's worse than not serious--it's immensely irresponsible and, yes, dangerous.

Kerry also suffers from something of a Vietnam syndrome. I, like Robert Kagan has written, believe that Kerry has a deep distrust and suspicion regarding exerting American power overseas. He voted against Gulf War I, for Pete's sake (Saudi oil supplies likely to be controlled by Iraq!?! Hey, who cares!). His disregard for such a vital strategic interest has been replicated when confronted by humanitarian tragedies too. See his vote against 'lift and strike' in Bosnia (Laura Rozen would like you to forget it). Kerry says he would never send our boys into war unless it is absoutely necessary. Well, what is absolutely necessary Senator? Really, what? Too little, in Kerry's worldview, I'm afraid.

...Let's be honest with ourselves here, OK? Kerry has shown astonishingly little by way of real, viable policy alternatives. He's brought almost nothing new to the table. To be clear. His NoKo policy is a replication of the failed Clinton policy. The only difference between Bush and Kerry on Iran policy is that Bush will play a bit harder when it gets to the U.N. and, if Kerry wins, John Bolton won't be around to bitch about it all. On Iraq, it's all: I'll reconstruct better!; I'll train better!, I'll run the elections better! and so on. Would that Kerry had, rather than signal retreat, told us he would send more troops if needed to decisively signal to our foes we will not abandon our effort there. Instead, it's the wrong war at the wrong place at the wrong time.

... This isn't just a matter of "foreign policy instincts." It's a matter of core conviction regarding the nature of the struggle we find ourselves in. About the broad direction that American foreign policy will move in vis-a-vis responding to these very real challenges during the next so critical years. Give me, even with flawed policy execution, a leader who gets the stakes deep in his gut--above one who will have a better process (which, incidentally, I doubt) but has shown (repeatedly) a worrisomely sanguine view of the perils we face at the present hour.

The excerpts are good, but the actual article is even better.

In the end, the argument boils down to the following -- many people may be disappointed by Bush and think the execution in Iraq has been lacking, if not downright awful. But they still support the war and know that we still have more to do in the War on Terror. They don't believe Kerry will be willing to take the right actions, even if he's willing to follow a more structured process, which they don't necessarily believe.

It's been relatively easy for me to decide to vote for President Bush. It will be harder for others, but here's an eloquent statement of the case as to why he's better than Kerry on the most important issue.

The Flu Shot Conundrum

Kevin Drum, who's generally pretty reliably liberal, took a shot at trying to summarize the flu vaccine shortage. Very interesting conclusion:

The FDA has a famously tight regulatory regime, made even tighter in the late 90s, and as a result the United States has only two approved manufacturers of flu vaccine while Britain has half a dozen. (Although, ironically, it's worth noting that a breakdown of the regulatory regime seems to be a more likely explanation for Chiron's immediate problem.) The bottom line is that there are other flu vaccine manufacturers besides Chiron and Aventis, but they don't sell into the U.S. market because the cost of complying with FDA regulations is higher than the narrow profits they could expect to make from selling flu vaccine.

(hat tip: Instapundit). Drum is probably right, but why do I think we'll likely see more government regulation rather than less?

Is This Really Surprising?

This video of John Edwards getting made up for an interview is both funny and excruciating. The man has a Sam Malone-level thing going on with his hair.

The John Kerry Post of the Day

My latest discovery about my favorite cheese-eating surrendermonkey-looking Ketchup King cum Presidential candidate:

Aaah, a few days off, but Senator Ketchup hasn't changed a bit. Sometimes we wonder whether he spends an hour in the closet trying to pick out his clothes each morning...

Also on Saturday, Diamond reports, Kerry applied for an Ohio hunting license. Most notable about that event, Diamond says, is that Kerry hedged on naming the color of his eyes, telling the clerk that they were "hazel. Blue some days." He then asked, "Do they have blue some days in the computer?" Kerry also received a gun from some supporters on Saturday night just after a rally in Wakefield, OH.

You know, he just can't make up his mind on anything.

Gentlemen, Drop Your Razors

The Lord of Truth pointed us to this story the other day. Better break out my white suit...

The sharp suits and sizzling plots of "Miami Vice" are heading for the big screen, 15 years after the hit US police series left the airwaves, the entertainment press said.

Universal studios is preparing a movie version of the show and is in talks with Irish star Colin Farrell and US actor Jamie Foxx to take on the roles of the suave Florida-based detectives, Daily Variety said.

The original television show made Don Johnson a major star when he played the white suit-clad Sonny Crocket from 1984 to 1989, opposite Philip Michael Thomas as fast-talking detective Ricardo Tubbs.

Maybe Phillip Michael Thomas can land a small role as a drug dealer. Personally, I agree with the Lord, who noted that Will Ferrell would have been a far more entertaining choice for Sonny Crockett.

No More Skirt-Chasing

This one's for the future Minister of War...

The U.S. Navy is getting a 21st century makeover, with a new dress code that makes skirts optional for its more than 54,000 female sailors for the first time since women officially entered the service in 1908.

Women can still choose to wear skirts, which come in colors that vary according to rank and sometimes the season. But until the new rules went into effect this month, they had to maintain skirts in their sea bags and could be ordered to wear them for special events such as change-of-command and retirement ceremonies.

The revamped skirt policy is one of several new changes to the dress code recommended after a survey of more than 40,000 sailors.

“They are really commonsense, practical changes that are in line with the Navy of the 21st century,” said Lisa Mikoliczyk, a spokeswoman for Master Chief Petty Officer of the Navy Terry Scott.

When the results of the survey came in earlier this year, Navy officials discovered that, along with answering the 33 questions, the respondents had written more than 5,500 pages of comments on topics that weren’t necessarily covered, said Master Chief Robert Carroll, director of the uniform task force.

Among women’s leading complaints: That it made little sense to pack skirts in their sea bags and maintain them aboard ships because it wasn’t practical to wear them.

They also noted that the skirts didn’t compliment many women’s shapes. “There was sensitivity regarding the abdomen area,” Carroll said. “They gave an individual a pouch even if you didn’t have one.”

5,500 pages of comments???? How many complaints can you have about a skirt design? I realize there may be several hundred ways to write "It makes me look fat", but it seems those five words would be most effective to convey the message.