If This Is In the Jobs Speech, Let's Just Cancel It

Of all the dumb ideas...

President Obama said during a Tuesday radio show that hiring discrimination against the jobless "makes absolutely no sense" and that he supports legislation to ban the practice.

Sybil Wilkes, a co-host of the "Tom Joyner Morning Show," asked the president about long-term unemployment and businesses that tell applicants, "If you're unemployed, we don't want to hear from you."

Obama noted that the long-term unemployed have a tougher time landing jobs and said a stronger overall economy would make employers less choosy. "But we have seen instances in which employers are explicitly saying we don't want to take a look at folks who've been unemployed," the president said.

"Well, that makes absolutely no sense, and I know there's legislation that I'm supportive of that says you cannot discriminate against folks because they've been unemployed, particularly when you've seen so many folks who, through no fault of their own, ended up being laid off because of the difficulty of this recession."

I give up.  I frigging give up.  Probably the worst part of this pandering statement is that Obama actually gets it right that the way to make employers less choosy would be to have them hiring in a stronger overall economy.  But instead of actually pursuing that goal, he'd rather try to impose a solution that forces them to hire one group of people over another.  Government picking winners and losers instead of the marketplace, again.

There is a decent chance that the President was merely saying something to soothe his progressive base.  If so, it's still stupid, but it's understandable.  But if he's honestly going to support creating a protected class consisting of long-term unemployed people, he's officially validating the view point that says he's clueless on business issues because he's never worked in the private sector.

What Annoying Song Is Stuck In My Head Today?

If I need to suffer with a song stuck in my head, why shouldn't you have to do the same? Sometimes they're good, most times they're bad... but no matter what, they make you suffer. So I like to share the suffering whenever it happens.

As a capitalist, I can't argue against the existence of boy bands.  They're money-making machines.  But they are irredeemably, irrefutably evil.  And the Backstreet Boys... I mean, this entire production is evil.  If President Obama wants bipartisan cooperation, the best thing to do would be to propose that we all band together to never allow anything like this video ever again.

Backstreet Boys - Larger Than Life (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: War craft, Backstreet Boys

You're welcome.

Romney's Probably a Raging Anti-Dentite

The first time I read this story, I thought it was a bad joke.  I've now decided that I'm offended as a comedian.

Exceptional or Not?

Shelby Steele's column in the Wall Street Journal today is well-worth the read...

As a president, Barack Obama has been a force for mediocrity. He has banked more on the hopeless interventions of government than on the exceptionalism of the people. His greatest weakness as a president is a limp confidence in his countrymen. He is afraid to ask difficult things of them.


Like me, he is black, and it was the government that in part saved us from the ignorances of the people. So the concept of the exceptionalism—the genius for freedom—of the American people may still be a stretch for him. But in fact he was elected to make that stretch. It should be held against him that he has failed to do so.

Steele's ovveriding point is that American exceptionalism is not a familiar concept to the President, in large part due to his experiences growing up and the family that raised him. But America did not elect him to change away from exceptionalism to mediocrity -- we elected him to change away to a new form of exceptionalism. Sadly, we're not getting anything like that.

The Hawk Is Dead

St. Joe's wusses out on their allegdly deep commitment to playing Big 5 home games at the Palestra, as one might expect.  Two big problems for the Hawks, even as they switch their home game in this year's Holy War against Villanova to their on-campus facility.

1.  We don't think it will solve the underlying problem, which is that St. Joe's sucks.

2.  That diseased pigeon they call a mascot is almost as stupid as EcoKat.

Flip the Apple Playbook

Guys, I know your product line kicks ass.  But the whole "employee loses his top-secret prototype inadvertently leading to more hype" thing only works the first time. To paraphrase Basher Tarr from Ocean's 13, you don't do the same gag twice, you do the next gag.

Thought I'm not sure what that means for Apple.  Perhaps they'll have the Iphone transport itself to the moon... although I hear it gets crappy reception there.

Another New York Paper is Guilty of Terrible Reporting

Ann Althouse takes apart the shoddy reporting of the New York Daily News on an incident at a New York amusement park where Muslim women were being required to remove their hijabs on certain rides.  As she notes, the article refers to the rule as banning headscarves, when it actually bans all headgear, for legitimate safety reasons that have nothing to do with targeting Muslims.

Sometimes, the customer isn't right.  In fact, sometimes they're insufferable pricks.

I'm Kind of Upset That They Share An Actual Mascot With My Alma Mater

Loyal reader MS points us to K-State's new eco-mascot, which has been the object of ridicule all over the Interweb. 

I'd like to feel sorry for the girl in the costume, except that she chose her path in life as an object of ridicule, or she was too stupid to realize it was coming, in which case a college education cannot save her from a life of disappointment.

Are You Ready For Some... Really Stupid Political Posturing?

You know, this administration is good at one thing -- creating the circumstances for really stupid petty fights with the opposition.  But this is getting ridiculous...

President Barack Obama sent a letter to Speaker of the House John Boehner and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid requesting a Joint Session of Congress on September 7th at 8pm to present his economic growth plan to the nation.

Obama writes that it is his intention "to lay out a series of bipartisan proposals that the Congress can take immediately to continue to rebuild the American economy by strengthening small businesses, helping Americans get back to work, and putting more money in the paychecks of the Middle Class and working Americans, while still reducing our deficit and getting our fiscal house in order."

Obama's announcement conflicts with a long-scheduled debate between the Republican presidential candidates at the Reagan Library sponsored by NBC and POLITICO.

Asked whether the White House chose the date to coincide with the GOP presidential debate, White House Press Secretary said "No, of course not."

If Jay Carney delivered that line with a straight face, he's a better poker player than me.  Let me count the ways this is moronic. 

To start with, the two sides are bickering over whether Obama cleared the date with Speaker Boehner's office prior to announcing it, as this tweet and a later tweet from CBS' Mark Knoller indicate.  Neither side looks good on this, as it looks like the White House picked the same night as the GOP debate for reasons that look petty and political (or just incompetent, if they didn't know the conflict existed)*, and Boehner didn't say no before the President's people announced the date.

* While I don't doubt this White House capacity for incompetence, they're generally on top of one thing -- trying to get the Preisdent re-elected and keeping track of the campaign events.  In fact, presidential campaign politics may be the one thing that they understand best.

This gets even more ridiculous when you consider the backdrop.  The press has been asking for the date and type of speech the President planned to give for the better part of a week, so one presumes everyone knew that it was important.  even more so, the White House has been hyping this as an important domestic policy address, and it should be, since it's addressing the pressing issues of unemployment and the sputtering economy.  In that context, one would expect something more than petty political headgames.  I would say more, but Allapundit beats me to the punch...

You know what the worst part of this little power play is? It’s not that O is so petty that he’d try to bigfoot his competition. That can be excused, sort of, on “politics ain’t beanbag” grounds. It’s not that his jobs plan won’t do much to help or that everyone — everyone — knows that the speech will reek, filled as it’ll surely be with the usual tedious bromides from the “adult in the room” about how mean Congress is, etc. By now, expectations for Obama are so low that it’s almost impossible for him to disappoint. It’s not that doing this is actually quite stupid politically, since it risks turning the GOP debate from a Perry/Romney/Bachmann free-for-all into a free-fire zone for attacks on Obama’s economic plan. Said one Democratic consultant, “It’s a bad idea [and] seems a little small. And it suggests perhaps his jobs plan wont be that appealing because now the coverage will be about the strategy and not the substance.” It’s not even that he’s suddenly demanding the gravitas of a joint session, signaling a crisis of utmost national urgency, after having jerked around on this singularly important issue for two and a half years. Better late than never, I guess.

The worst part is that, with the economy on the brink of a double-dip and consumer confidence falling off a cliff, this guy’s mind is still so preoccupied with the campaign that he can’t muster a moment of presidential leadership without counterprogramming it against a Republican primary event. He could have given this speech at any point. Six months ago, the day after the debt-ceiling deal was struck, last week, yesterday, today, tomorrow, the day before the Republican debate, the day after. Any of those would have been fine — the earlier the better, of course, given the magnitude of the problem — but that doesn’t occur to him because his own reelection is ever foremost in his imagination.

The only good news -- the President and Boehner agreed to move the speech to Thursday night, which means we can immediately dull the pain caused by the speech by watching the first game of the NFL season.*

* New thought: perhaps President Obama really wanted to be forced to take Thursday night by the GOP, so it wouldn't look like this rabid Bears fan was trying to shoehorn in on the Packers' opening night game, when he secretly wanted to do so.  In that case, I applaud you, Mr. President -- if presented with a similar opportunity to undercut the Dallas Cowboys, I would do the same damn thing.

If I have to bet, the backdrop of political pettiness and chaos is not going to help create confidence in whatever proposals the President proposes.  It's not like much confidence exists -- we don't have any evidence that the President knows squat about fixing the economic and unemployment problems -- but it's pretty dumb to undermine whatever might exist.  Of course, maybe they're just lowering expectations.  To which, I'd note that they can't get much lower.
 

What Annoying Song Is Stuck In My Head Today?

If I need to suffer with a song stuck in my head, why shouldn't you have to do the same? Sometimes they're good, most times they're bad... but no matter what, they make you suffer. So I like to share the suffering whenever it happens.

The lead singer of Warrant died a couple weeks ago.  Before we get to the inevitable, a few thoughts...

• I saw them in concert in the summer of 2002 or 2003.  They were on tour with Poison and Quiet Riot, among others.  Yes, someday my kids will read this and think, "Man, Dad was a bigger loser than I thought!"
• During the aformentioned tour, I specifically recall seeing Jani Lane's face and thinking that he had morphed into Grandpa Simpson.  He looks better in the pic posted in the linked article about his death, but either way, those before and after pics should be exhibit 1 for avoiding such a hard lifestyle.
• Speaking of Poison, the article has a tweet from Bret Michaels with his reaction to the death.  So this is one more benefit of Twitter -- I get to instantly learn Sebastian Bach's reaction to Jani Lane's death.  Other countries use social media to foment revolution, we use it so washed-up celebrities can comment on the deaths of others.  God Bless America.
• The song "Cherry Pie" has some of the worst lyrics ever.  Learning via its Wikipedia page that the song was written in 15 minutes on a pizza box was surprising, in that I was pretty sure it was written in 4 minutes on a toilet paper roll in a gas station bathroom.
• I don't know whether to be depressed or elated that "Cherry Pie" has its own Wikipedia entry.
• I had a friend who once called a radio station and dedicated this song to his girlfriend.  Now that I look back on it, I'm not surprised their relationship didn't make it.
• Let's face it -- we all remember the song for the video, which was probably filmed in two takes and cost $30 ($50 if they paid the model).  And it was money well-spent, because the video probably led to tons of airplay.  Plus, the girl looked somehow just as trashy as the girl described in the song.
• It does get stuck in your head -- and trust me, that's not a good thing.

You're welcome.

Stupid Liquor Laws

Having grown up in Pennsylvania and attended college there, I'm well aware of the stupid liquor laws in my former home.  Pennsylvania is which I have lived where you can't get wine in the grocery store, which is pretty stupid (trust me when I say that getting beer and liquor in college as an underage kid was not much more difficult in PA then it was elsewhere). 

It turns out that their half-assed attempts to finally provide some acccess to wine in grocery stores is a raging failure, just because of the idiotic system they set up.  Reason has the details on how a wine monopoly is losing money, but this line is a great summary...

You have to give the PLCB credit for this much: It has shown that, with the aid of modern technology, the government can lose money while selling a highly popular product over which it has a monopoly.

Seriously, a breathylyzer to buy wine.  Only a government bureacrat would come up with a plan this dumb.

The F List Celebrity Arrest of The Week

Darryl Hannah was arrested in front of the White House protesting an oil pipeline.  Normally, I would mock her for hanging out with hippies, but is this even news?  I don't even think Darryl Hannah would get invited to join a reality TV cast at this point.

Random Things That Annoy Me

Because life is full of annoying crap, and this is my place to complain about it.

Can anyone explain why there are so many car insurance commercials on TV?  Are the margins that high in the business?

Many of the commercials are more entertaining than many network TV shows -- Cavemen was bad, but networks greenlight much more offensive shit pretty regularly, and some of it stays on TV for years (Full House was on television for what seemed like a decade). I just find it offensive that writing talent is being wasted on car insurance commercials... says the guy toiling away on a blog for no reason, but whatever.

Next, We'll Appoint Lenny Dykstra as Treasury Secretary

Great news.  The new incoming chairman of the White House Council of Economic Advisors is the author of a study published back in the early 1990's that purportedly proved that a higher minimum wage did not necessarily lead to higher unemployment.  This contradicts standard economic theory and actually provides the answer to a question that's always been in the back of my mind -- why do liberals always want to raise the minimum wage when it seems certain to hurt low-income workers by reducing the number of available jobs?  This study might support an answer.

Except that it was only one study, and it wasn't repeated.  And according to subsequent reviews of the study, it was flawed and its conclusions were wrong.

Well, at least we know the type of advice Obama's getting on economics will remain consistently crappy.

Sometimes, Even the Dishrag Gets It Right

Newsbusters spots this line in an article in the New York Times:

"And in the evening at least, MSNBC is less a news provider than a carousel of liberal opinion — potential conflicts of interest are swept aside in the swirl of excitable guests."

Two thoughts come to mind:

1.  How is MSNBC different at other times of day?  Is it less a carousel of liberal opinion and more of a tilt-a-whirl?

2.  How is that different from the New York Times in general?  Do they distinguish themselves by virtue of having a subpar sports section, terrible paywall, and excellent Sunday crossword?

Man, the 1970's Really Were Filled With Crap

Over at Hardball Talk, Craig Calceterra puts up a link to the worst atrocity ever committed by a Philly sports team.  Yes, this is worse than the 9-73 record the 76ers once posted, and certainly worse than the Phillies 1964 collapse.  It's even worse than four years of Rich Kotite as a head coach.



Every copy of this should be burned.  Immediately.  If this gets out there, Schmidt's bust might be removed from the Hall of Fame.  And it arguably should.

What Annoying Song Is Stuck In My Head Today?

If I need to suffer with a song stuck in my head, why shouldn't you have to do the same? Sometimes they're good, most times they're bad... but no matter what, they make you suffer. So I like to share the suffering whenever it happens.

This Pink ditty was playing in the locker room at the gym today.  I have no objection to Pink as an artist -- I think she's generally a pretty decent musician, although I don't trust anyone who grew up in a suburb of Philadelphia.  You just can't trust those people.  Anyway, this is yet another tune that will haunt you throughout the day.



You're welcome.

What Does It Say When The Dumb Guy Is Doing a Better Job Than The President?

It's been my standard belief that the media likes to buttonhole GOP Presidents and candidates as either dumb or mean or both.  This is a constant rule in my lifetime.  With the noted exception of Jack Kemp, everyone who's been on a GOP ticket or been a legit contender for the job has been classified as at least one of the two:  McCain was mean, Palin was dumb.  W. was dumb, Cheney was mean (and evil.  Totally evil). Dole was mean, Kemp was the exception that proves the rule.  Bush 41 and Quayle were both dumb.  Reagan was mean.  Ford was dumb.  Nixon and Agnew were both mean.

Ed Morrissey adds a category, by noting that Romney's getting smacked with the "weird" tag.  But it looks like Rick Perry is getting the "dumb" tag right now. I guess it's standard-issue for Governors from Texas.  But Michelle Malkin's rejoinder, starting about 93 seconds in below, is dead-on.  Rick Perry's grades in college may have been below par, but he's been a raging political success and done a terrific job as Governor of Texas.  Meanwhile, Barack Obama's Presidency would be lucky to get classified as below par.  Which performance -- Perry's college performance or Obama's job performance -- is more relevant if the two square off next year?

Dancing With The... Wait, Who Are These Guys Again?

I'm not sure what's a bigger sign of the decline of America:

1.  That the reveal of the celebrity cast of Dancing With The Stars is considered to be news; or
2.  That the so-called celebrities don't even qualify for the "H" list in Hollywood.  Chaz Bono and Rob Kardashian?  Seriously?  What, Bib Saget's housekeeper wasn't available?

A Sad Song

The Gibson Guitar story is going to get ugly at some point.  By way of background...

Around 8:45 a.m. Wednesday, Aug. 24, agents executed four search warrants on Gibson facilities in the two cities. They seized several pallets of wood, electronic files and guitars.

But Gibson’s CEO says his company has not been told what it did wrong and that he assumes the allegation is that some of the wood being used to manufacture the company’s guitars is illegal.

“Everything is sealed. They won’t tell us anything,” Juszkiewicz said, never raising his voice but pulling no punches in his defense of the storied guitar maker.

...The company stated it assumes the raid stems from an alleged violation of the U.S. Lacey Act, legislation that requires anyone coming into the U.S. to declare with unambiguous specificity the nature of materials being brought into the country.

As an aside, this is what the administration is doing when they're trying to create jobs.  I'd hate to see what would happen if they wanted to create uncertainty for business.

In the meantime, Powerline has a detailed wrap-up of the threads that need to be run to ground on this story.  I'm waiting to see Eric Holder explain the raid and clear up that the selective raids on Gibson have nothing to do with the political affiliation of its CEO, or that Michelle Obama wasn't guilty of a violation of the same offense Gibson is being accused of committing.  Of course, this would require Holder to be credible.

You Say You Want A Revolution

Walter Russell Mead pens what might constitute law porn for right-wing legal geeks like myself, when reviewing Jeffrey Toobin's piece in the New Yorker about Clarence Thomas...

In fact, Toobin suggests, Clarence Thomas may be the Frodo Baggins of the right; his lonely and obscure struggle has led him to the point from which he may be able to overthrow the entire edifice of the modern progressive state.

...There are few articles of faith as firmly fixed in the liberal canon as the belief that Clarence Thomas is, to put it as bluntly as many liberals do, a dunce and a worm.  Twenty years of married life have not erased the conventional liberal view of his character etched by Anita Hill’s testimony at his confirmation hearings.  Not only does the liberal mind perceive him as a disgusting lump of ungoverned sexual impulse; he is seen as an intellectual cipher.  Thomas’ silence during oral argument before the Supreme Court is taken as obvious evidence that he has nothing to say and is perhaps a bit intimidated by the verbal fireworks exchanged by the high profile lawyers and his more, ahem, ‘qualified’ colleagues.

At most liberals have long seen Thomas as the Sancho Panza to Justice Antonin Scalia’s Don Quixote, Tonto to his Lone Ranger.  No, says Toobin: the intellectual influence runs the other way.  Thomas is the consistently clear and purposeful theorist that history will remember as an intellectual pioneer; Scalia the less clear-minded colleague who is gradually following in Thomas’ tracks.

If Toobin’s revionist take is correct, (and I defer to his knowledge of the direction of modern constitutional thought) it means that liberal America has spent a generation mocking a Black man as an ignorant fool, even as constitutional scholars stand in growing amazement at the intellectual audacity, philosophical coherence and historical reflection embedded in his judicial work.

Toobin is less interested in exploring why liberal America has been so blind for so long to the force of Clarence Thomas’ intellect than in understanding just what Thomas has achieved in his lonely trek across the wastes of Mordor.  And what he finds is that Thomas has been pioneering the techniques and the ideas that could not only lead to the court rejecting all or part of President Obama’s health legislation; the ideas and strategies Thomas has developed could conceivably topple the constitutionality of the post New Deal state.

Put rather simply, Mead's thesis (with an admirable use of Lord of the Rings analogies to make geeks feel even more welcome) is compelling because what he is positing may be the Tea Party's ultimate solution to stopping the leviathan known as Big Government, at least at the federal level.  If the Supreme Court suddenly decided the 10th Amendment has meaning, then there may well be lots of activities that the federal government is actually prohibited from undertaking... activities that it currently undertakes with little question.

Is it likely?  Probably not, except Mead notes that 10-15 years ago, an interpretation of the 2nd Amendment that enshrined an individual right to own firearms was widely viewed as controversial at best.  It's now Supreme Court doctrine and even  accepted by leading liberal scholars like Larry Tribe.  Obamacare may present the first opportunity to rollback the expansion of the Commerce Clause, but the 10th Amendment would be something more -- it would be a shot across the bow of the federal government.

And yes, that's worthy of a Lord of the Rings reference.  Even though I'm not sure that Scalia would enjoy being Gandalf.

Next On MSNBC: Charlie Sheen Discusses Abstinence and a Drug-Free Life

Having Ray Nagin on your TV show to discuss hurricane preparedness... this would leave me speechless, except it's MSNBC.  This might actually improve their reputation.

Ashton Kutcher? Seriously?

I'm pretty sure this will end badly, since the sequel sucked.  But on the off-chance Murray signs on and they somehow make this work, I'm willing to allow it.  We can always pretend it didn't happen.  Hell, I already pretend Ghostbusters 2 didn't happen.

At Least Someone's Finally Saying It

No one will accuse Rick Perry of lacking guts...

Riding high in the polls, Gov. Rick Perry rode into Iowa on Saturday with tough talk on President Obama, the economy and foreign policy and a declaration that Social Security is not only a Ponzi scheme but a "monstrous lie" for younger people.


"If you're for the status quo in America, I'm not your guy," Perry told an overflow crowd eager to see the presidential candidate at The Vine Coffeehouse, where people repeatedly sang God Bless America - once to try to encourage Perry to come in from shaking hands with people outside.


Asked by a woman in the crowd about Social Security being viewed as an entitlement program, Perry reiterated the suggestion in his anti-Washington book, Fed Up!, that the program amounts to a Ponzi scheme.


"It is a Ponzi scheme for these young people. The idea that they're working and paying into Social Security today, that the current program is going to be there for them, is a lie," Perry said. "It is a monstrous lie on this generation, and we can't do that to them."


Later, in Des Moines, when a reporter asked about the suggestion that his campaign was backing off some positions in the staunch states-rights book, Perry said, "I haven't backed off anything in my book. So read the book again and get it right."

I also loved this part...

Perry also was asked to explain his past support for Al Gore, in 1988 when Perry was a Democratic state House member.


"I never met a Republican 'til I was 25," said Perry, describing Texas' political past and his own, saying he "made both political parties happy" when he became a Republican in 1989.

At least Perry had the good grace to bail on Gore in 1989. What excuse do Democrats have for continuing to support him through 2000 and beyond?

What Annoying Song Is Stuck In My Head Today?

If I need to suffer with a song stuck in my head, why shouldn't you have to do the same? Sometimes they're good, most times they're bad... but no matter what, they make you suffer. So I like to share the suffering whenever it happens.

Do you ever feel... like strangling a music artist for coming up with a song that gets stuck in your head and can be heard in way too many places?  Yeah. Full credit to JS for sending me the link to the Villanova "flash mob" video featuring this song, which had me both impressed (in ways that were expected) and horrified (with regards to the entire flash mob marketing concept) by my alma mater.



You're welcome.

ManBearPig Strikes Again

In Al Gore's telling, the advocates who are fighting global warming are the equivalent of the civil rights activists on the 1950's and 1960's.  Remember, when you want to convince people on the other side of a scientific battle that they're wrong, it's a good idea to equate them with racists, while at the same time demeaning the actual accomplishment of the civil rights movement.  That's a winning argument.

The Secular Religion

The left-wing dishrag refers to advocacy in favor of recycling school lunch materials as "parent-to-parent evangelism".  I totally favor recycling, but being lectured by others on how to live my life... aren't liberals opposed to that stuff?

Stuff  like this makes me want to pack everyone of my kid's lunches in brown paper bags, with seperate Ziploc bags for every item.  Unless they want to tell me that we can go back to the old school metal lunch boxes, like my Dukes of Hazzard lunch box from first grade.  In that case, I'm on board with the movement.  I miss that lunchbox.

What He Said

DaTechGuy has a decent take on the reason why liberals and members of the media seem to be obsessed with the religious beliefs of GOP Presidential candidiates, particularly Rick Perry...

The distinguishing characteristic of the secular culture, driven by their lack of belief both in God and in themselves, is fear: Fear of salt in food, fear of traumatizing children by making rules, fear of offending anybody, fear of judgement calls. Simply put fear of being held responsible for anything. That is why it loves government control. Every responsibility and decision that government takes on is one less that they have to make for themselves or can be blamed for.

And Rachel Maddow wonders why we don’t build great things?

This brings us to Rick Perry and my friend’s fear of him. When I look at Perry the remarkable thing about him is how unremarkable he is. Anytime in the last 100 years his background and beliefs would be decidedly uncontroversial. In large swaths of the country where the traditional culture exists he is just another pol (with a good record on jobs).

The fact of the matter is, Perry's religious beliefs, and whether he believes in evolution, are pretty much irrelevant to the job of President.  They may, and should, inform one's insight into his character.  But people who spent 2008 assuring America that it was irrelevant that Brack Obama's chosen preacher was an outspoken supporter of Hamas and openly condemned the United States of America in sermons seem ill-positioned to make that argument.

Putting that aside, is anyone really worried that if Perry is elected (or even Michelle Bachmann) that we're in danger of having a Christian theocracy emerge?  My guess is that the first time a President Perry opts to spend time focusing on teaching creationism in public schools, people who supported him will be among those pointing out the absurdity of doing that when we've got a massive fiscal crisis and a terror war on-going.  If he solves both of those and we have time for that... hey, I'll be happy to have that debate then.  Until then, I'm not worried about the religious right's beliefs.

Random Things That Annoy Me

Because life is full of annoying crap, and this is my place to complain about it.
I'm watching Disney movies with my daughter too often.  On the latest viewing of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, I found myself wondering why the Evil Queen needed to get Snow White's heart in a chest if she had a magic mirror that would tell her if Snow White was dead or alive.

Yeah, I need a life.

The Weekly Rant

A new feature... just because...

Call this self-therapy.  I’m writing this down to work through a thought problem, but I need to set the stage first.  Here’s the thing – I have been a political animal since I was a kid, and like to think of myself as someone who’s able to make intelligent guesses based on history and intuition.  For example, I’m used to knowing who’s going to win the Presidential election well in advance of the election.  Actually, this is something I’ve known every single Presidential election in my lifetime.  Seriously, a not-brief historical primer for everyone:[1]

n      1976: According to my folks, I spent most of the Bicentennial year saying “Katter, Katter, Katter!”[2]  Still not sure why I liked the name so much, but I was predicting (and, much to my chagrin, cheering) a Jimmy Carter victory.  As everyone can tell, I’ve been trying to live down that idiotic decision by cheerleading/voting for the GOP ever since.[3] 

n      1980:  I was a big Ronald Reagan fan for a simple reason – he liked jelly beans.  By contrast, Jimmy Carter liked peanuts.[4]  For a six year old, jelly beans are far more tasty than peanuts.  Plus, even when I was six, I could tell Dutch was an asskicking leader, while Carter was a cardigan-wearing ninny.[5]  And before we decide that everyone knew Reagan was going to clean Carter’s clock due to the craptastic nature of the malaise economy, polls in winter 1979 and early 1980 showed Ted Kennedy beating Carter and blowing Reagan out of the water.[6]  I’m pretty sure this is because everyone was still experiencing a drug-induced hangover from the rest of the 70’s, but the numbers were there.  Even leading into the debates, Dutch was viewed as an underdog, probably because the mainstream media couldn’t fathom the idea of an extremist like Reagan winning the election.[7]  Then America saw Dutch onstage across from Carter and… well, that was that.[8]

n      1984:  In the summer of 1983, Walter Mondale led Reagan in polls.  Of course, the economy was just climbing out of recession, and once it did, Reagan got to run on the “Morning in America” theme and cruised to a blowout of Mondale.[9]  I knew better, even in the summer of 1983, that Americans were not going to ditch my man Dutch for Jimmy Carter’s former VP, or anyone else from his party.  This is one more reason I found the Reagan-Obama comparisons offensive – the only way Obama wins 49 states[10] in next year’s election would be if we split California and New York into 40 or so independent states.[11]

n      1988:  Bush 41 trailed Dukakis by double digits in August 1988.  I didn’t think America was going to toss aside the VP when the incumbent President had presided over a roaring economic recovery, despite second term scandals that had hurt the President – that would only happen if the VP was a thoroughly dislikeable jackass.[12]  Plus, I was reading about politics enough that I already knew about Willie Horton prior to the ad blitz by Lee Atwater.  This race taught me two enduring lessons: stiff Massachusetts liberals will not win national elections, no matter how much baby boomer lefties want to relive Camelot,[13] and VP choices mean squat to deciding an election.[14]  Seriously, picking Lloyd Bentsen was a masterstroke, while Bush’s choice of Quayle, no matter how much I liked Quayle, looked like it was a decision made by someone who just had a stroke.  And this all meant jack three months later.  In fact, it kind of hurt Dukakis, because after his stupid photo-op in the tank and Bentsen’s debate performance, people wanted to flip the Dem ticket.[15]

n      1992:  I knew Bush was in trouble when he went back on his “read my lips” pledge on taxes, even with his sky-high approval ratings in the wake of the Gulf War.  Those ratings were illusory[16] – a truly popular President that will cruise to victory does not inspire a primary challenge and a third party candidacy.  Hell, even I considered voting for Ross Perot during that spring and summer.[17]  And Bill Clinton ran a great campaign, aided by a compliant media that conveniently pretended that an economy that was emerging from a recession was still stuck in one.[18]

n      1996:  Bubba’s approval ratings were stubbornly high, and even after the GOP revolution of 1994, the party wanted to nominate the epitome of the GOP establishment in Bob Dole for President.  The race was over long before it began.[19]  And I say that as someone who thinks Bob Dole got the short shrift from everyone, including me – we’re talking about a true American hero and a smart and dedicated public servant.  These qualities did not make him the best candidate for the GOP to nominate for President – in a better world, they might, but not the one in which we live.[20]  Oh, and by the way, he made an inspired choice for VP in Jack Kemp, and it meant diddly, again.[21]

n      2000:  I was stunned when Gore won the popular vote.  Stunned.  We’re talking about a guy who couldn’t win his home state, couldn’t figure out that sending Bubba on the campaign trail would be a good idea,[22] had somehow frittered away the advantage of a decent economy and quasi-incumbent status by being a dislikeable jackass,[23] and imitated a manic-depressive nutjob in the debates.[24]  This election should not have been close – W. had the Big Mo (to steal a phrase from his dad) all fall, especially following the debates.  I firmly recall being ticked that he took a day off from campaigning to spend time with his family down the stretch, and Gore almost won thanks to massive Dem turnout operations.[25]  In any case, I had W. winning the 2000 GOP nod prior to Dole’s loss in 1996, and grew convinced that Gore was beatable by the winter of 2000 if W. could hold off McCain for the nomination.  Why?  The beer test is a pretty reliable indicator – in nearly every election for the last half-century, the candidate you’d rather have a beer with has won.[26]  Which is one more reason for GOP voters to be apprehensive about Romney.[27]

n      2004:  Beer test, check.[28]  Stiff Massachusetts liberal on the top line of the ticket, check.  The mere fact that this was close should be embarrassing, except that Bush was stuck in a situation that parallels his father more than people realized --- the economy was trending up (far more than the media or the Dems acknowledged) but recovering from a recession, and Bush’s approval ratings were in decline following high points after 9/11 and the initial portion of the war in Iraq.  Add in a fervent anti-war left still carrying a torch of anger about the “stolen election” of 2000, and this could have turned bad.  Luckily, the Dems nominated a guy who may be the most easily lampooned candidate ever, figuring he was the sane alternative to Howard Dean[29] and figuring the media would avoid all those nasty little stories from his past and pretend he was your normal war hero.[30]  Kerry didn’t even match the one smart thing Dukakis did, since he picked John Edwards as his running mate.[31]  Watching Edwards debate Dick Cheney was like watching a fluffy little disingenuous bunny try to match wits with a bear.  I kept thinking Cheney was going to bear his fangs and eat Edwards.[32]

n      2008:  Obama’s cult of personality was in full swing.  Ask people who know me – I predicted that if Obama won the nomination, he would be President, despite all the silly crap about America being too racist to elect a black President.[33]  At a couple points, I thought McCain was gaining ground, but that was more wishful thinking than anything else – Bush’s approval rating was an anchor on McCain, who then proceeded to try to drown himself with a spectacularly craptastic campaign, treating Obama with kid gloves and then acting panicking during the economic crisis that fall.  Most of America didn’t just want to have a beer with Obama, they wanted to go to a concert with him and get invited to his pickup basketball game the next day.  It didn’t seem to matter that the entire Democratic ticket had approximately the same level of executive experience as I did when running for treasurer of my fraternity in college[34] – we all wanted to be part of the Barack Obama Experience.[35]  And now we are.[36]

Why does all of the preceding crap matter at all?[37]  Simple.  I don’t know who’s winning next year’s election.

Actually, I think I do – I’m just afraid that my underlying bias is effecting my prognostication abilities.  If you had asked me at any point for the last three years (including prior to Obama’s election), I would have told you to bet the house on Obama.[38]  And now?  Even money, at best.  In fact, ask me after I have a couple beers,[39] and I’ll tell you my real feeling – Obama’s going to lose.  There, I actually wrote it.  I don’t know if I’m just trying to talk myself into something that I’m hoping for, so we’ll need to break this down.

 How?  I'll get to that some other time.  This one’s long enough.[40]

---

[1] There is a self-therapy component to all this, but lots of this just nostalgia and smartass commentary.

[2] There’s a part of me hoping ABC was running incessant ads previewing “Welcome Back, Kotter!” because a two-year old like me would have found Kaplan’s mustache and Washington’s fro fascinating.  Alas, the timeframe doesn’t fit.  Damn Interweb for killing that illusion.

[3] I would accept part of the blame for the ascent of History’s Greatest Monster to the Presidency, but I was two years old, spoke extremely limited English, and didn’t have a vote.  Not only that, but the only people who heard my babbles (Mom and Dad) were not citizens and therefore ineligible to vote (granted, in 2011, ACORN or some similar liberal affiliate would have had each member of the family, including any dead pets, voting five or more times).  I’m not sure what excuse the rest of America has, other than the fact that it was the 1970’s and seemingly everything in that decade was completely fucked up.  If you don’t believe me, consider that the most respected of our three Presidents from that decade was the one who was lampooned by Chevy Chase as a stumbling idiot.  And I haven’t even mentioned disco music or the prevailing fashions of the time.  If it wasn’t for Lorne Michaels, Francis Ford Coppola, and George Lucas, I’d suggest pretending the entire decade didn’t exist.

[4] I hated peanuts then and barely tolerate them today.  It could be their association with Carter, or maybe I learned to hate Carter because I hated peanuts.  This is my personal version of a chicken-and-egg problem.

[5] I’d like to claim that I was fully versed in issues like Reagan’s willingness to stand up to the evils of Communism and his staunch belief in free market economics, but my understanding of the free market was pretty confused by the socialist teachings inherent in Sesame Street.  As for foreign policy, I was watching a lot of Star Blazers and they seemed to indicate that the future Earth was inhabited entirely by Americans and Japanese, so I figured the Commies weren’t much of a threat long-term.

[6] Honestly, I wrote the “blowing Reagan out of the water” line without thinking of the inherent tragic irony of referring to Ted Kennedy and bodies of water.  Granted, anytime I hear Ted's name, I think Chappaquiddick, but I swear this was unintended.

[7] This is why it’s really foolish to entirely discount Michelle Bachman’s Presidential run based on what the mainstream media tells us.  There are good reasons to discount her chances, but they have nothing to do with the fact that David Gergen and Wolf Blitzer find her chances remote.

[8] Seriously, we were talking about a race between (1) a telegenic former actor with a clear set of principles and policies who talked tough and spoke with pride about America, running against (2) a guy who claimed to consult his teenage daughter on foreign policy decisions, looked like he sucked on a lemon all the time, spoke of the country being stuck in a malaise, and had managed the economy right into the crapper.  I’m not even getting into the weird Killer Rabbit attack.  The mere fact that the polls spoke of the election being close makes me question the polling methods, but also speaks to the power of incumbency.

[9] Obama keeps hoping this will be the historical model for 2012, but the last seven quarters prior to the 1984 election featured only one quarter where the economy grew at a clip slower than 5%, and even that quarter featured 3.9% growth.  Unemployment was still 7.2% on Election Day that year, but it was steadily trending downward for almost two years.  Right now, Obama would kill for 3.5% growth, let alone anything north of 5%.  As for unemployment, I don’t think even Joe Biden thinks it’s heading downward to 7.2% anytime soon.

[10] I haven’t gone back to check, but I seem to recall that in 1984, the GOP states on the big maps got colored blue, while the Dem states Minnesota and DC were colored red.  Which was entirely appropriate, since we all know that Mondale was a Communist.  What, he wasn’t?  Then how did he lose 49 states?  Oh, yeah – his biggest domestic policy proposal was a tax hike.  You know, he might have been better off running as a Communist.

[11] I’m expecting Harry Reid to make such a proposal in early 2012.

[12] Let’s call that the “Al Gore Factor.”  Um, no reason.

[13] This lesson should have been obvious, but the Dems forgot it by 2004.  To be fair, John Kennedy was a dashing figure with a sense of humor, a willingness to cut taxes to spur economic growth, and  a dedicated anti-Communist, and John Kerry… had the same initials.  Oh, and decent hair.  Never let it be said that the Democratic Party is superficial.

[14] I keep forgetting to point the VP thing out when people claim Sarah Palin somehow cost McCain the 2008 election.  Palin had (and has) flaws, but John McCain was not going to win the 2008 election even if we dug up Abe Lincoln or George Washington to be his running mate.  Although watching Honest Abe smack Joe Biden around in debates would have been fun.

[15] To his credit, John Kerry sure didn’t make that mistake with his VP choice in 2004.  He picked a guy whose sole redeeming virtue was his hair. 

[16] The best way to analogize my feelings about Bush’s slow decline and loss to Clinton would be that it’s the same sinking feeling a sports fan gets when he’s watching his team whittle away a huge lead.  Even when the lead is still pretty big, you have a sinking feeling in your stomach and just hope the clock will run out and save you.  Miami Heat fans would understand.

[17] In my defense, I  was a senior in high school.  Call it my brief period of rebellion against the man.  It lasted a couple months before I snapped out of it and returned to steadfast support of the Galactic Empir… uh, GOP. 

[18] Those sky-high approval ratings of Bush following the Gulf War probably helped Bubba and actually hurt Bush. Because without those ratings, serial tease Mario Cuomo might have run for the Dem nomination and won it with ease.  Bush could have dusted off the 1988 campaign materials, substituted Cuomo’s name for Dukakis, and probably won despite the economy. I know Atwater was dead, but I’m sure someone in the GOP could have cut an ad with Cuomo looking like Brando in The Godfather, stroking and killing a cat.  Now that I’m thinking about this, I’m really pissed this didn’t happen.  Not for the political reasons so much as the entertainment value of something like that cat ad.

[19] What cinched it for me was the picture of Dole working out after the GOP convention, trying to show he wasn’t some old guy running against a vigorous young incumbent.  Instead, he somehow looked older and more frail than he had before – Dole in his suit looked like an aging but tough SOB.  In his workout clothes, he looked like Grandpa Simpson with better hair.

[20] Yes, this is a lesson the GOP failed to learn, because they repeated the mistake in 2008.  To be fair, the competition for Dole and McCain pretty much sucked or ran crappy campaigns, and Glenn Beck is right that the GOP traditionally defaults their nomination to whoever finished second most recently.  Which is another way of saying, I should probably purchase that Romney bumper sticker now… 

[21] According to Bob Novak’s autobiography Prince of Darkness, Reagan almost picked Kemp as his VP in 1980, but got talked out of it, in part because there were lingering rumors that Kemp was gay (he was not (not that there's anything wrong with that) (well, maybe there was in 1980)).  Reagan didn’t care that Kemp was gay – he just didn’t want Kemp to get outed or even have that question come up.  Stunning to think how different the world would be today if Dutch had opted for Kemp over Bush.  And kudos to Dutch for his political instinct in wanting to put Kemp on the ticket – Kemp was a fantastic salesman for free markets and would have been awesome.

[22] On the downside for Gore, if he had won because Bubba made sure he carried Arkansas, Gore would have still been living Bubba’s shadow.  I probably would have eventually taken solace in watching Gore struggle with that.  In case you haven’t noticed, I think Gore’s a dick.

[23] The mere fact that most loyal Dems I knew were secretly longing for Bill Bradley said it all.  I know Gore isn’t Mr. Excitement, but I’m pretty sure Bill Bradley could put my four year old to sleep even if I fed her six or seven espressos.

[24] Of course, it’s possible that Al Gore is a manic-depressive nutjob.

[25] This should dent the Karl Rove as Evil Genius meme… unless Rove planned this all along, to make Dems look like sore losers, while planting the butterfly ballot to make sure the GOP won.  Damn, he is an evil genius!

[26] The only definite exception is 1976, although maybe I was too young to appreciate the appeal of Billy Beer.

[27] Although I’m not sure I’d want to have a beer with Obama (I’ve had my share of beers with liberal Ivy League elitists, thanks), I think most Americans would be willing to do so due to the star power, fading as the cult of personality may be.  Frankly, I’d rather have a beer with Biden – the conversation would feature some serious f--- bombs, and we could probably find common ground on the Phillies.

[28] Forget beer.  I wouldn’t want to get a cup of coffee with John Kerry.  Anyone who tries to order his cheesesteak with Swiss cheese should be declared incompetent to hold public office.

[29] Of course, a rabid wolverine (either a real one or the comic book character) would have been a sane alternative to Dean.

[30] I cannot believe Kerry tried to make his bio as a veteran the centerpiece of his campaign in 2004 when he had so many skeletons in his closet regarding his post-Vietnam comments, let alone the fact that most of his fellow soldiers apparently hated the guy more than I hate the Dallas Cowboys.  I mean, no one saw the Swift Boat Vets coming?  Of course, I should probably remember that Kerry’s inspired choice for VP was John Edwards.  In light of that, I should be impressed that he didn’t make a massive tax hike on the middle class the centerpiece of his policy agenda.

[31] I want it noted for the record that I found Edwards to be a vapid, superficial jackass before it was proven to be true.  Edwards reminded me of a sleazy used-car salesman; it was like listening to Bill Clinton drained of substance and whatever remnants of integrity existed in Bubba.  In retrospect, Edwards might be the most reprehensible person to appear on a major party presidential ticket in my lifetime, and this comes from someone who thinks Al Gore is a prick.  As an aside, anyone who voted for Kerry-Edwards in 2004 and criticizes Sarah Palin as dumb should be forced to listen to John Kerry speeches set to Yanni’s music while being waterboarded.

[32] In retrospect, that would have been awesome.

[33] Actually, based on the treatment Hillary, Palin, and now Bachmann are getting, it’s far easier to argue that the country’s too misogynist to elect a woman.  Although I think that’s BS – in a world without Obama, the media would have rallied behind Hillary.  I think they attack conservative women who seek national office largely for partisan reasons, not sexist ones.  They fear that these women might break the Dem stranglehold on the female vote, so it has a component of sexism to it, but it’s mostly ideological fear.

[34] The person with the most relevant executive experience on either ticket was the much-derided GOP VP candidate.  Maybe I need to think about that misogynist thing again.

[35] Some of us did not want to be part of it, and yet are stuck along for the ride.  I liken it to being dragged to a Grateful Dead concert while disliking the music and being allergic to pot.  Think about how much that would suck.

[36] Maybe the better analogy is waking up in the morning coming off a bender with no memory of the preceding evening to find tons of crap you don’t remember buying, a massive credit card bill, a missing wallet, and someone you don’t know using the shower.  Actually, scratch the analogy, because I don’t want to try to figure out which Dem is in the shower.

[37] Beyond the mere educational value of understanding the importance of the beer test and knowing that the 1970’s were insane, of course.

[38] Granted, many folks could not bet their houses due to foreclosure proceedings, but it’s just a saying.

[39] Of course, after a couple beers, I become capable of talking myself into the Eagles winning a Super Bowl under Andy Reid.

[40] That’s what she said.