The Wedding Update

This wedding update is brought to you by ESPN. Because I'm missing the game while I'm typing this.

295 days to go.

Thanks to the Lord of Truth's efforts, we have a response from the Priestly Prince of Parliament (Lights) on the issues from Monday's Wedding Update. His response follows...

I am honored that you would come to me with such "important" religious questions.

You will find both asunder and similar terms in different texts in the Church. This weekend at my sister's wedding they used "let no one put asunder". One is not more correct than the other- asunder is the term used more in the past, while some priests today use terms people understand. I prefer the term asunder because of its definition- "1. into pieces, 2. apart in direction or position".

In the Catholic Church, the sacrament of marriage does not have to take place within the context of the Eucharist (or the full Mass). This is the decision of the bride and groom. Modern thinking on this (and my opinion) is that if the bride and groom are both Catholic then having a full Mass is a good idea- the Eucharist is the center piece or lifeblood of the Church, and having it along with the wedding ceremony truly reflects Christ as the centerpiece of the bride and groom's marriage union. For mixed marriages, usually a Mass is not chosen- priests understand that the complete celebration of the mass may make those who are not Catholic feel alienated, and take away from the primary purpose of the day- the sacrament of marriage.

btw, if you try to use your Blackberry in Church, you will find that it will mysteriously stop working.

Addendum:

I also meant to mention that the words "what God has joined together........", comes from the text of Matthew's gospel (19:6)- "Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate". Now many different versions exist so some may have asunder, tear apart, etc. Later translations or versions of the Bible use more inclusive and popular terms.

Basically, what he's saying is, he got to hear the word "asunder" on Saturday, and I got gypped.

Jokes aside, stay tuned for next time, when I solicit song suggestions.

The Wedding Update

by the world's least dangerous man

This update is brought to you by Ralph Lauren, Perry Ellis... basically every designer of men's formalwear out there. Because they deserve equal time to what I'm saying below.

367 days to go...

So Alli and I driving home the other night from work, on one of the rare days when we drove in together. I made a simple mistake -- I asked about her plans for more wedding dress shopping. Soon thereafter, I learned far more about designers than I ever wanted to know. I only remember the name Christos, and then a couple ones that started with the letter "P", one of which sounded more like the name for a wine. But she literally named about 20 designers in the space of three minutes. She only stopped after I interrupted each of a series of names (mostly male) with the question, "Is he gay?"

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

The Wedding Update of the Day

by the world's least dangerous man

This update is brought to you by the news agency for idiots, Reuters, which brings us the news that 80% of single German women are happy not being married. Which makes sense if you look at German men. Just kidding, guys. I wouldn't want you to get ticked off and invade France or something... well, maybe...

372 days to go.

The first true wedding-related task has been assigned to yours truly. I need to look for potential DJs to play at the wedding. No, that's not a reference to Tropea -- if I wanted a band, then I would call him. Although the idea of a Stavish-Tropea duet at the wedding is surely a good one.

The Wedding Update

by the world's least dangerous man

This wedding update is brought to you by Jameson's... because I could use a shot right now.

374 days to go.

I had the first wedding-related dream last night. Keep in mind that I barely think about the actual event, beyond doing whatever wedding-related task is asked of me, and I haven't been asked to do much lately. But I think this is indicative of the fact that I'm stressed because I haven't been working out enough.

This dream was beyond weird; in it, the marriage took place in a small room with only 50 or so seats, but over 400 guests showed up, and they all kept fighting to sit in the first row. Worse yet, all the guys were wearing fedoras.

I'm trying to figure out what it all means. Input would be helpful.

The Wedding Update

by the world's least dangerous man

This wedding update is brought to you by Best Buy... apparently the only store where I won't be allowed to register.

380 days to go.

We're still trying to figure out a way to integrate the two cultures as part of the ceremony. The other night, Alli mentions she watched one of those reality shows featuring weddings (yet another reason for me to despise reality shows). This show included the wedding of a Indian girl to an American guy, where the guy rode in on an elephant. And while this would be perfect for the hardcore Republican that I am, I just can't get into the idea, mostly out of a fear that the elephant would go wild and step on the cake, and maybe pee on the guests.

There's no real point to this post, except that I find the idea of an elephant peeing on people in formal wear to be funny. Yeah, I'm not sure why she's marrying me either.